Showtime shows...ok or triggers?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Jbird22, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

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    So my husband, loves watching game of thrones and true blood etc before I knew about his addiction I thought nothing of this but now I just feel awkward watching all these scenes with him...ugh...thoughts?

    He doesn't admit to the addiction -as I've posted about in other threads so he's not much help to ask-just wondering if I should be discouraging it or going along with it...are most guys triggered by this stuff...I'm thinking probably so?

    Thanks-
     
    KingRecover17 likes this.
  2. Hi Jbird. I saw your post and felt compelled to post a response. I think you are in a very awkward situation. Are you sure he is addicted? What is he addicted to? HSIP is the main culprit here, is he addicted to that? Are you sure? I have been here a while and while I think the words "I am addicted" are the beginning, the most effective beginning, maybe the only effective beginning, of getting clean, I also know there are people here who have a problem with porn viewing they are here dealing with who do not believe they are addicted, and probably are not. There really is no test for whether one is addicted. It is not like they take blood, send it off, then come back with the results: Yep, addicted. Addiction is a behavioral problem.

    I'll give you my opinion regardless of whether he is addicted. Game of Thrones is, apparently, an interesting show with an interesting plot, to some anyway. It might be an interesting show even without sex scenes. But, the sex scenes of course trigger. It is not only addicts that trigger. Those scenes are put in the show, by and large, not to move the plot along, or because they are integral to the plot or the story, but to cause the audience to trigger. They were not put in the show just to cause addicts to trigger, but to cause everyone to trigger, even addicts. The producers may not expressly use the concept of: "Insert triggering sex scene here", but they might. Those scenes trigger your husband because they are designed to trigger him and everyone else that watches, regardless of whether they are addicted to a dopamine rush. One does not have to be addicted to a dopamine rush to get a dopamine rush from a sex scene, but the only reason those scenes are inserted are to give a dopamine rush. Why? One of the many pleasurable things dopamine does is make things more "interesting." Guys, biologically, are fascinated with sex from an early age. Putting depictions of sex into media just makes the media more interesting. Not saying it is right or good or acceptable or morally defensible, just saying it is true. So, yes, it triggers him.

    But, while I think it is sweet that you would discourage him to help him, or even go along with it out of love, all of it is wasted energy if he is addicted but does not acknowledge it. There is no treatment for addiction that does not involve the addict admitting "I am addicted." On the other hand, maybe he is not addicted, in which case you would still be justified in being bothered by him watching sex scenes, if it bothers you. If that messes with your own self esteem, then, regardless of whether he is addicted, you should be able to share that with him. Let me ask you, what problems has his addiction caused in his life? PIED? ED? Social problems? If it has caused no problems, he may not be addicted.
     
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  3. SkyDoge

    SkyDoge Fapstronaut

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    Game of Thrones is absolutely a trigger... it has actual porn in it! We had to stop watching it. Also the women in that show are treated horribly so fuck that show.
     
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  4. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure that I agree with you on how they treat women. Yeah, there are scenes where women a plainly naked and used for sex but in context to the show those women are sex workers in a brothel. There is one scene where the king abuses some of the girls in his bedroom but that scene was to make the point of what an awful, awful person that character was (I still didn't like it, but I got the gist of what the writers were trying to say). Furthermore, the female main characters of the show are strong and confident right alongside their male counterparts and I think that far outweighs some of the more graphic, disturbing parts of the show. This show is not for everybody, that's for sure, but if you can get over the nasty parts, it has an amazing story to tell and even better actors to tell it.

    I can't speak for most guys, but I can say that this show doesn't trigger me. That's just my experience. I agree with SkyDoge, though, this show is a trigger and for those guys and gals who have trouble with nudity and sex, they shouldn't watch this. Having said that, however, the fifth season cut way, way back on the sex and concentrated more on the story and characters. There is a 10 min scene with a women walking fully nude through a crowd of people but that's as bad as it gets.
     
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  5. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for the input, I really appreciate it... all makes sense. I know he's an addict because I've been around addicts enough to know the signs in general and he has all of them... so it has affected his marriage (with me) for the past two years and all he's done is lie and say he has no problem stopping and that it's no big deal and then just continues to do it and lie about it to my face, and the cycle continues... now knowing all of what I know, it has affected our sex life greatly..I just didn't realize that's what it was for the past 10 years because I would have never thought he was capable of doing this behind my back at all.

    It's been bad... so the first few times he blamed me for not having sex enough blah blah- then it was apologies... now he's gotten smart about it so I have no way to know if he's actually stopped because he's covering his tracks... so anyway-this is why when we watch these shows it's just awkward... not because of my self esteem... (it's actually the porn users with self esteems issues, I think we've all come to realize that much) we watched this show for years and I never had a problem with it because I didn't know he was so into that stuff...so now that I know he has a problem, it's different... but we're just watching it because that's what we've always done when it comes out and he certainly hasn't brought it up as an issue...compared to what he "was" looking at, I guess this is nothing anyway.

    Thank you so so much, it really does help.
     
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  6. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you everyone.
     
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  7. Aghast

    Aghast Fapstronaut

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    Hi Jbird. I am married. PMO absolutely affects the bond and intimacy of a relationship.

    I have always known I was addicted and shared my secret with my partner after a year or two of dating. She has been understanding and encouraging, which I am very thankful for. PMO takes so much life out of love.

    Of course speaking with your husband about this is a very sensitive subject. Depending on how you confront him about it will largely depend on what he shares with you.

    For instance if he tells you he watched P, would your reaction be of anger or judgement? If so he will not share any of his habits and hide them from you.

    If you tell him "id really like you to try just one month without watching porn, just to see how, if at all it affects our relationship. We can keep a daily countdown in the bedroom. Just one month."

    He might not be aware of the negative effects until he stops and notices the difference in your sex life and overall closeness. By putting a time frame on the first attempt it will sound like a reasonable accomplishable task that he may be more inclined to try, plus most men like to prove themselves when challenged.

    Good luck:)
     
    Jbird22 likes this.
  8. Ghengis1227

    Ghengis1227 Fapstronaut

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    I can't speak for everyone, but for me my triggers stemmed from my habitual viewings and the content I viewed back when I looked at porn, not every show that had a naked woman on it. I'm far along in my progress to where my brain can discern plot development to simple fap fodder. For example, I'm currently watching The Wire, the sexual content on that is actually integral to the story as opposed to having it for the sake of simply being there to attract viewers. The plot is rich to the point where the sexual content gets completely bogged down, at least that was the case for me. Another example is when me and my girlfriend watched The Big Lebowksi that had a very brief scene of a naked woman being tossed up and down on a sheet (when they introduced Jackie Treehorne). She, like you, was uncomfortable at that scene knowing my addiction. This is a movie I've seen more times than I can count on both my hands and feet -- I can quote it from beginning to end and pretty much in reverse, so I tried to explain that to her. Point being, perhaps it's the same for your husband and him watching Game of Thrones? Maybe he doesn't see sex scenes because he's focused on the story. Again, I can't speak for your husband, and it bares mentioning that I've yet to see a single episode of GoT so I can't gauge how blatant and frequent the sexuality is on there. Food for thought, though.
     
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