My girlfriend of 9 months had left me for a younger guy who just smokes all day with no job and is still in school. The simple reason for this was obvious and it was that I didn't have so it if time for her considering I juggle a job and college. But my problem isn't of heartbreak but rather of shyness. I've also picked up an even greater porn addiction than before as I just feel lonely and devoid of any emotion yet filled with the desire of intimacy, as it is now absent from my life along with passion. After years of being single, I messed around a lot and I was confident in myself in appearance and personality,but now after this I can't even work up the nerve to make eye contact with any girl. I just choke up and walk off. I've been going in tinder and matched with a lot of girls but I honestly don't know what to say or do because of the fear of coming off as "creepy". There has been already a few embarrassing attempts at flirting. I was at an arcade and walked up to a girl who was basically my dream girl. Brown hair, glasses and clean.When I walked up to say hi, I let out this little squeak as I choked up. I just turned around and walked away. Another occasion was when this nice blonde Greek girl was looking at me play pool with my cousin. I took the shot and got the ball in, I have her a flirtatious look but as I pulled my pool cue back, all of our drinks were knocked off the table. Don't even get me started on the blue ticks I get in whatsapp and the unmatching I get on tinder. I've been gyming alot despite the only reason I was there was to satisfy my now ex girlfriend. In gym, the most attractive girls come in and the most biggest guys come in and that just makes me feel small and just insignificant. I don't know whether this is my heart not wanting to get broken again or the fact that I think low of myself following such a betraying breakup. I just feel so insignificant with myself and I feel so scared if being alone.
Sounds like you need to work on your self esteem , Find women who like you just as you are . Trying to change so someone likes is a big loop of frustration, I know I have been there done that I don't change for women now if they don't like me as I am I move on I don't change myself .
It's creepy because you're trying to think of the perfect thing to do and say for the purpose of attaining a guaranteed outcome. You want to act in a way that you think other people would like you for rather than just expressing yourself honestly. You're trying to own and control others by being manipulative and calculating the proper steps to attain your hidden agenda. There's no such thing as a guaranteed outcome in reality and there's no perfect thing to say or do. You believe there is and you're searching for it, but it clashes with how things really work in reality which causes the anxiety and paralyzing fear. The fear that you won't get the specific outcome that you want. You can't express yourself because you're trying so hard not to express yourself out of fear that you'll say or do something other people won't like. You have hidden intentions and you're manipulating the situation rather than just being yourself and allowing people the chance to decide for themselves whether or not they like you. That's why it's creepy. You trying not to be creepy is making you creepy. Shyness is basically perfectionism or protecting yourself from risky situations. Shyness is being uncomfortable with making mistakes and rejection. The more risks you take, the more you'll fail, but also the more you'll succeed. The less risks you take, the less you'll fail, but also the less you'll succeed. So being comfortable and allowing failure and rejection to happen is what leads to success and acceptance. You trying to protect yourself from possible negative experiences is what's preventing possible positive experiences.
Hey @Jman2105, I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned that fapping caused a lot of my social anxiety. And the more I fapped, the worse it was. I couldn’t make that correlation when it was actually happening, but some 40 days being PM free, and I can see a world of difference. I’ve talked about this in some other threads: “I've been to the club a handful of times since starting NoFap. I find myself actually going up to the girl wearing an amazing dress and telling her that it looks incredible. Or there was a girl the other night who obviously spent a ton of time on her hair with extensions and layering it up and weaving yarn thru it. I told her it was amazing. Anyway, some times they smile and say thanks and that's it. Sometimes they introducethemselves and we talk. Sometimes they are just surprised but I find they come up to me an hour later at the bar and want to strike up a conversation with me. Hell. I haven't even limited it to girls. I went up to a dude the other nightand told him his New Rock boots kicked ass. He smiled a huge smile and said thanks and we talked a little later. He was obviously proud of them and people either didn't notice or say anything to him ever. Honestly, I feel like it's building up my confidence. I'm usually people watching when I'm out anyway, and my philosophy now is that If I notice something positive, and I have anopportunity to, why not tell the person. Plus I honestly don't care ifI'm going to get laid, but I'm making new club friends and they areintroducing me to their friends and now I'm becoming all a social person instead of hiding in the corner just watching and hoping someone notices me.” So, I’ve been fapping for some 25+ years. confidence and social anxiety had been a problem for me for most of that time. In the 40 some days since I quit, my social anxiety is way down and my confidence is way up. Maybe it’s because of P & M for you too? What really caught my eye about your post was how you are concerned about being creepy. Honestly, that is exactly how I felt for many years. @elevate is right. Your social anxiety is making you way overthink things that should be easy and natural. And if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but being honest with someone, saying something positive, or just striking up a conversation isn’t creepy. You said you use to have more confidence. Don’t let this girl get you down because she left you for a younger guy. You sound like you have your life pretty well together with work and school and you have long term goals. Her ditching you is her character flaw, and not yours. Good luck in your journey and best wishes bro.
