Since my reboot libido has dropped A LOT, anyone feeling the same?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by green lion eating the sun, Mar 9, 2018.

Have you noticed your libido lower since starting your reboot?

  1. Yes

    16 vote(s)
    80.0%
  2. No

    4 vote(s)
    20.0%
  1. (i am a 26 year old girl ex s. and p addict) back now at dating after 1 year and havent kissed in 2 years

    thing is now i have been on two 1st dates (one in February and one last night), no kisses with these dates but i realized that it bugs me the fact my libido dropped a lot. and i mean A LOT

    I once said to a guy then became my last guy during a date "don't worry I won't rape you" and he replied "hopefully tonight you will"
    or another guy with whom i didn't kiss, nothing during a date i told him, i was a bit tipsy "go to the toilet, i will come and rape you and i will be the man between me and you". before that date i remember i told him that he was like hanging out with a friend with him on our first date and then i said he should have shown me he was straight on our 2nd date 6 months later when i was bored and i texted him. he then replied he would have shown me he wasn't gay. this was me

    I mean i was not patient and very straight-forward. i have a sort of crisis, i dunno who i am anymore and if i can apply this behaviour still and this doesn't belong to me anymore but was linked to the addict in me that now is gone

    last night i was zero attracted for that guy. it was literally like being out with a cousin or a girl. he was not bad with the body, he wasn't confident though. yeah we very different and i could tell we both "hated" each other's personalities

    all my previous dating when i kissed and had s. my libido was strong. this reboot changed my libido a lot. i was very aggressive and upfront with my behaviour with my guys and now i dunno if that still suits me or i am just too different and it doesn't work for me anymore. Before I was less picky with getting attracted to guys now it happens rarely

    maybe drinking more alcohol would help to release stress about the fact i haven't kissed in 2 years and afraid i forgot how to do it. maybe i should be patient and go on dates with guys i can think to have some attraction and not settling with guys that wouldn't be my first choice

    am i the only one to face this? I have been rebooting for a year. it is like now i need a much higher stimuli from a guy to get aroused or i am s. dead and i don't feel anything

    any advice?
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2018
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  2. Fishsammich

    Fishsammich Fapstronaut

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    I didn't record much of my reboot besides retrospect but I had long flatlines with no libido on and off for a year. I'm in a similar spot to you with relationships and feel like I'm finally rebooted. We just need to rewire which will inevitably happen as long as we don't rewire ourselves back to pmo. You're on the right track and congrats on leaving PMO behind.
     
  3. Libido goes up and down. Maybe part of the problem is you haven’t really connected with someone on a deeper level than just physical.
     
  4. i will never go back at pmo! I am sure of the path I chose and i wouldn't trade it back to the miserable addict i was before. I hope you won't ever go back at pmo either. we would both destroy the progress we have done thanks to our reboots. My reboot saved me :emoji_blush: and I thank God for feeling this free. It is just i used to be different and struggling to have s. desire is something that bugs me deeply. i cannot create it. it is present or it is not, there is no middleground or shortcut about it. I cannot date anyone if i don't have first s. desire

    have you dated in this year? Are you dating now? I would like to know if you are past the flatline. If you want you can send me a message :emoji_mailbox_with_mail: I would like to hear from you
     
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  5. it is not about that. i connected but these 2 dates (asked questions to get to know each other) i had so far felt more like hanging out with friends. it was bad, ended them both with awkward hugs. with the first guy i was more flirty and got quite drunk. i would have probably kissed him in the dark where i couldn't see his face clearly (he had acne). I liked his personality though, I laughed with him. i didn't kiss him only because i had bad breath and could kiss. now i have a perfect breath again so I can kiss if I want to. second guy I was not compatible and didn't like his behaviour at all

    I first need to have s. attraction then I can think if I wanna date the guy and move to the next level. without s. attraction I cannot date

    when i was an addict i would get attracted to guys a lot more. now i struggle with it. my s. drive used to be huge and this lack of it is a tough withdrawal symptom for me. with exes i useed to make out for hours, in the park, in the public transport everywhere. now i realize that it was not due to them but to me and my constant craving for intimate contact

    have you dated? are you now? how far are in your reboot?
     
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  6. I haven’t date in a long time since I’m married. I’m 115+ days into reboot. I have days where attraction is strong and days where I have little to none.
     
  7. romlel

    romlel Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hi,

    For me my libido is still strong after near 2 months. Even though I got a girlfriend, I can't help check out when I see a beautiful girl.
    Well my reboot time is still short ; )
     
  8. thanks for your message. congratulations on your 115 and more days into reboot. that's great :emoji_clap:
    i experience since 10 months complete flatline with rare moments when i feel attraction for guys. if I am on a date with a guy with six pack i am sure i would feel something lol. i am not completely insensible it is like i need a much higher level to which my body and mind respond than before

    in this 1 year since i started my reboot, i have noticed that the guys i felt attracted to (and they have been few) were always with muscles, that kind of guy. i cannot help it, i am sure that would take me out of the flatline. i would be glad to just kiss again. just knowing i feel something again and i function completely and enjoy the company of the guy, laugh etc. I still want to bond mentally with the guy. honestly that's what I always wanted to do :emoji_couple:
     
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  9. hi and thank you for telling me of your personal experience and congrats on your 56 PM free and keep going :emoji_bouquet:
    from what i can remember 2 months into my reboot my libido was still huge and was still struggling to deal with it and not go out and have s with someone i would have regretted. but i decided i needed to do hard mode(no s. no p. no m.) that has been violent on my mind. and i guess also because i have forced myself to stay away from any kind of intimate contact with guys I went to 0 of something that used to be what i thought about almost 24/7 and did a lot. after a couple of months my libido dropped a lot maybe also coz i was heartbroken, at some point that saved me from what i was afraid i could have done

    My starting point was different from yours. when i started my reboot, my last guy left me and i was suffering a lot. I started feeling healed in mid January and felt moved on when i had my first date at the beginning of February that i laughed on the date and didn't get sad. i even mentioned for a second my ex and i was fine about that. that is when i realized i am ready to date again and i wouldn't get a rebound. we have some differences in our reboot. maybe you won't get flatline at all also considering you are intimate with your girlfriend and you haven't started hard mode. hard mode is great but is a violent reboot that allowed me to start from scratch. I am confident i will get rid of this flatline step-by-step i will get there :emoji_relaxed:
     
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  10. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    I think my libido has gone down after rebooting too. I remember it had peaked during the middle of my reboot period. It was a big change cause I used to PMO daily to get over my high libido. But I don't really miss it I guess. Not having those extremely strong urges feels good. I feel like I have control over my sexual desires rather than the other way round.
    If there's one downside it's that I've lost motivation to talk up girls. I used to do it cause I used to be extremely horny all the time and PMO wasn't an option anymore. Now I'm like, meh, why bother, I got better things to do. In fact the last time I tried cold approach was during the start of my streak. It's success kept me motivated.
    But rn if I was in the same situation I don't think I would do the same thing. I don't have the feeling of 'needing' interaction with the opposite sex anymore. It's nice but not like super-necessary anymore. Cold approach doesn't really feel worth the while anymore just to talk to a random gal who may or may not be interesting or fun to talk to.
     
  11. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Ya this is definitely flatline. I experienced this for the first hmm 60 days. I had no desire really to pursue opposite sex. I was also really busy with school. Were you busy or stressed out about other stuff during this time?
    Anyways, the urges came roaring back, but a lot of that was induced by me looking at psub. Remember that flatline is a sign of healing. I would much rather prefer being back in flatline actually- so much easier to fight off the urges. But in your case, I get that the sex desire and attraction needs to come first so you can date. During my flatline, i used that as opportunity to really focus on improving myself and school. How are you feeling now? Did the flatline end? If so, when

    For me Now at 120 days, the urges are really strong. Progress will not necessarily be linear
     

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