Single since I'm on this planet !

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Batman_Rising, Jun 5, 2016.

  1. Batman_Rising

    Batman_Rising Fapstronaut

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    Hi fellas, How are you all ?
    I don't know how to say this, but I am confused right now.

    I am 26 years old, single, virgin guy.
    Never ever had a girlfriend in my life. And now I am on mission NoFap.

    Look, for me relationship is not a time-pass thing, because if I would be in a relationship with any girl, I would give my 100% to her. I am not underestimating anyone but I feel strange when I find that the least deserved person has a good girlfriend or wife. (Sorry)

    I sometimes feel envy , lol (not funny actually), but what I can do ? I don't have time for fun at this moment, I am studying masters of engineering in a university in Canada ! I am too busy with all these things.

    As you can see, it's all confusing! I don't know what to do ?

    Seriously, many times I feel lost !!!

    I don't know what is going on in my life. Please help.
     
  2. WarriorScarr

    WarriorScarr Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I'm not sure what your asking?

    But I would say continue to work on yourself and everything will fall into place. I too didn't have a girlfriend until recently but my issues are still with me. My PMO addiction, depression and just stuff still exist after getting the girl. Getting a girlfriend isn't the end all be all. Just try and continue to work on you and let life take care of everything else. I hope this helps
     
    Dan_Mann, HipPete and Batman_Rising like this.
  3. Hey!

    I'm in nearly the same situation is you. 26 year-old engineering student. Single all my life. Virgin. Almost painfully lonely.

    Don't stress out about your lack of relationship and intimacy experience. It's far more common than you probably think, contrary to common societal messages we are bombarded with. The right person for you won't care once they get to know you, and you'll get to experience all the joys of gaining that experience with that right person.

    Unfortunately, I have no magic tips to make the loneliness go away. All I can add is the common advice "work on liking yourself." Find an item you dislike about yourself, that you can work on correcting, and start working on correcting it. Our own insecurities and self-loathing are the biggest obstructions to healthy relationships.

    I, for example, am currently working on losing weight. I absolutely hate my physical appearance, almost entirely because of my weight problem. And this shows. I dress in very loose, poor fitting clothes to hide my fat (it doesn't work). My posture is always hunched over to change how my shirts fall over my gut. I almost certainly emit a strong "I don't like myself vibe." I have difficulty believing that a woman could find me attractive. Those are brutal obstacles to finding and starting a relationship, but they can easily be remedied, or drastically reduced by eating a bit better and exercising a bit more.

    My previous self-improvement project (still ongoing, but now secondary due to significant progress) was social anxiety. I have made great strides at taking the edge off of my social anxiety. The improvements I have noticed have increased my confidence. Still no relationship, because that was only one of several of my hangups, but I now have much smoother interaction with people, including attractive women. If remedying the other hangups (part of why I've embarked on NoFap) has even a fraction of the positive changes as reducing social anxiety, I'll be much, much, much happier and confident enough to actively seek out the relationship I so long for.


    Just continually chip away at what you don't like about yourself, that you can remedy. Every improvement you make will make you happier, more confident, and more attractive. As you begin feeling better and better about yourself, start going out in the world (universities have lots of places to hang out) and interact with people. Eventually, everything will start falling in place. If women aren't drawn to you naturally due to your newfound confidence, you'll have the fortitude to pursue them for a relationship.

    I know it's not the miraculous answer you're looking for, but hearing this from someone else recently has gradually started helping me. I hope it does the same for you.
     
    Dan_Mann, Batman_Rising and HipPete like this.
  4. Cockyau

    Cockyau Fapstronaut

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    I'm 23, virgin and single all the time. I'm self-study and all the friends I know are in universities elsewhere and I didn't make new friends. So I'm interact mostly with my family.

    I spend most of my time in my own room so it's quite kind of solitude. Just embrace it, and do some other things that really enjoy and improve myself. I learn to play guitar and go gym (both of these are something I won't be doing in the past, my past was all about academics), and also read some books like autobiography. I want to be a loving husband and caring father in the future; still, now it seems that this is not the time, so I'm embracing single status and strive to become a better man instead.
     
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  5. silenteagle

    silenteagle Fapstronaut

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    Self mastery is the prelude to social mastery!!so keep working on your habits and someday you will certainly meet your goals.
     
    Batman_Rising likes this.
  6. look hard, look very hard. friendship is more then sex, maybe your not seeing what you already have.
     
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  7. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    @Batman_Rising

    You are only 26. I have friends that never had a girlfriend/boyfriend until well into their 30s. They are now married with children.

    I am sort of snickering regarding engineering in Canada, because my sister met her husband at the University of Toronto, Faculty of Engineering. Both are engineers, married with one child, one on the way.

    Stop beating yourself for being a virgin. It is dating and meeting people that should be most important to you. The sex and the exclusive relationship will eventually follow.

    Also, do not think that porn has anything to teach you regarding sexual performance during your first time. Your partner will be understanding.

    I bet you that the difference between the "lesser people" who have girlfriends and wives and yourself is that they are not using the excuse that they are "too busy" to meet people.
     
    Batman_Rising likes this.
  8. Batman_Rising

    Batman_Rising Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot bro, for this advice. I should start working on myself. I admit that I have few qualities that became hindrance to my self progress. When I look back, I found that I was a different person. 'This one is not real me.' You are absolutely right, instead of pointing others' mistakes and bad qualities I should focus on my life goals and myself.

    One thing is obvious, that I am not desperate for relationship, sex and related things. But sometimes I think, why this is happening to me ? why i don't have gf ?

    I feel this is true, 'If you're alone and you feel lonely then you are with a bad company. (of yourself)' I should start working upon me. Thanks bro, for the advice. It means a lot to me.

    Peace.
     
    KitShicker and Don Gately like this.
  9. Don Gately

    Don Gately Fapstronaut

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    I'm no pro, but I get along with people and I have a really easy time getting dates. I struggle at sustaining relationships and I have some other things going on that make life hard, but I started working on my social skills very conscientiously when I realized that some day I want to get married.

    My first tip is this: just start talking to people around you. You don't need to say much. You'll find that people are actually pretty cool almost all the time. If you're walking down the street and there's someone nearby, just say "how's it going?" or "'morning!" or whatever. The person at the checkout counter in the grocery store? Ask them how their day has been. Roommates, waiters and waitresses, professors, the people next to you in class, employers, and everyone else around you has a story. You don't need the whole thing right now, but you can learn names and the people who you see a lot you'll start to learn about. You're doing a master's in engineering, so you're smart enough to remember people and stories if you try. You might read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It's a really, really good book.

    Then, one day you'll be talking to someone who happens to be a girl you find really attractive, and you'll be so used to talking, complimenting and getting to know people that when you ask her out it won't sound weird at all. It'll be another piece of an interesting conversation that you'd both like to continue. You'll do this a few times, and some of them won't say yes to the second date, or the third, but here and there you'll find one that does. You'll figure out the rest. Let me know how it goes!
     
  10. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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