I too recognize what you wrote Yoojung. I lived in pure darkness as well in the past. I was clothing myself in all feminine stuff as soon I leave my parents house. I used buttplugs, high heels and lingery. Watched porn, feminization and sissy porn videos. One step lead to the other. I discovered that we are like an onion. We have to pull off the shield one layer at a time. We have to do that until we discover the root of our problem. I believe that all those sissy and feminization addictions lead to one thing: We need to feel save! Somewhere in life we lost the safety our mother should have given us. To jump into a world of feminity and softness en pleasurable feelings, we try to get that safety back. In my life I have only one safe place. My believe in Jesus Christ. That gives me peace and warmth and love and merci and joy and forgiveness, restoring my self esteem. Without Him, I couldn't break free from the bondage sissy porn creates. Please do your investigation and start searching for the truth. The truth will set you free from all enslavement.