Sissy/Femdom/Humiliation Porn Induced Fetish

Hi all,

I've been trying nofap for a couple years now, so i thought I'd make an account. I am mainly doing nofap for the reason of my fetish that I despise. I know many are on here purely because porn takes up time and energy, but for me. The only reason I've started is for the pure shame that I get after relapsing to sissy porn. There are some nsfw websites that I visit that involve gaming and every now and then a new game is released including that porn genre, that novelty is what has me hooked.

I've had some success with nofap before but nothing greater than 3-4 months. I understand that I will have to quit masturbation entirely in order to reboot to have success.

I can tell you right now as many people have said with this fetish, I am a straight male BUT i've had severe self esteem issues which caused this issue with this specific porn genre, I turned the anxiety I get from feeling like shit into adrenaline whilst paired with the porn which is where I get my 'high' from. After 2 years of failing that is what i've realised with my fetish.

I've been reading the easy-peasy method and I came across the line "Everyone has their own brainwashing", reading more into the point I find myself building a false personality from the moment I relapse. Sissy porn of course reinforces that you have no confidence and SHOULD have no confidence. I've realised that relapses to this type of porn over and over again has lead me to believe that what the porn is telling me is correct, that I have low self esteem and will question my masculinity. This is why, now when I look back, I question myself a lot in general whether I'm showing enough confidence or whether I'm being 'man' enough. This thought process itself is BULLSH-T. It leaves a subconscious denial inside of you so that the next time you do get an urge, you feel sissy porn exactly what you need - to put you in 'your place'. It's so hard to realise this when your own mind is trying to keep you inside this process. That's why I believe a lot of people who relapse to this type of porn 'ghost' from recovery, me included. We want nothing to do with recovery up until our 'subconcious personality' has been rebuilt. From there after countless relapses, you realise two things. 1. It was not worth bullshitting yourself to ridicule yourself. 2. You need to quit pmo.

Coming here to ask people suffering from a similar experience to mine for their takes and whether or not they have gotten past this dreaded addiction.

godspeed

 

I've been reading the easy-peasy method and I came across the line "Everyone has their own brainwashing", reading more into the point I find myself building a false personality from the moment I relapse. Sissy porn of course reinforces that you have no confidence and SHOULD have no confidence. I've realised that relapses to this type of porn over and over again has lead me to believe that what the porn is telling me is correct, that I have low self esteem and will question my masculinity. This is why, now when I look back, I question myself a lot in general whether I'm showing enough confidence or whether I'm being 'man' enough. This thought process itself is BULLSH-T. It leaves a subconscious denial inside of you so that the next time you do get an urge, you feel sissy porn exactly what you need - to put you in 'your place'. It's so hard to realise this when your own mind is trying to keep you inside this process. That's why I believe a lot of people who relapse to this type of porn 'ghost' from recovery, me included. We want nothing to do with recovery up until our 'subconcious personality' has been rebuilt. From there after countless relapses, you realise two things. 1. It was not worth bullshitting yourself to ridicule yourself. 2. You need to quit pmo.

After knowing all this, I clearly have a clear mind now and desire to rid this addiction once and for all.

I appreciate the question, I've spelled out to myself the reason as to why I visit them. I've also understood that this trap is complete bullshit as I always come to realise, and can finally appreciate that this is not the lifestyle that I will let control me. I'm going to quit porn for good, and I say that with confidence, I have no fear of relapsing because if I relapse I'll be where I always was, at the bottom. I have nothing to lose and much to gain. I hope I can abstain to have a clearer mind and put my sexual energy into finding a relationship with someone.

Thank you very much man, this post was very helpful

 

Yeah this video was good

Trigger warning - My own experience:

I've known already what my past trauma was that really started this addiction. It all started with me and my families morals which was me as a child being strictly not allowed to talk to girls, my family was very religious and even though they may not have 'forced' me not to talk to them, it was common knowledge that if i was talking to them, it was not about anything that could build relationship between us. Then, at 12 I stumbled across giantess porn/videos on youtube, a giant woman towering over a man, crushing/ eating doing whatever to the man (pov). It was the first time I'd seen the female body in all it's glory, all at 12 years of age. This then escalated to me finding femdom porn, since both genres are intertwined. Since I'd always be anxious about talking to girls in front of family (and even alone since I never experienced them a lot) I found that following their orders were both anxiety and adrenaline inducing, paired with the visuals that a 12 year old teen had never seen before, it was only right that that was where my addiction started. Femdom turned into humiliation which turned into sissy porn.

Even with this information, it makes me feel uneasy when I realise that this trauma is what started it and is still affecting me to this day

 

I believe what he says makes sense, as for your example, it could be the domination factor, if you look back do you feel like you've had such an experience? as you said, like walking past a very hot lady when you're young, you get nervous and feel as though they could do whatever they want with you and you'd be ok with it. could it be that you get anxious and get adrenaline boosts when you see transwoman content , because it's so out of the norm and contains both the main factors you watch porn for - the penis and the female body?

 

So much knowledge and experience you hold, thank you for sharing it with us, It makes me happy and gives me hope that you've gotten past your fears and stopped coping through this type of porn. I read your journal and saw that were very alike when I compared the younger version of yourself. I felt like I was reading about my life... anyway, taking responsibility is the next step for me. I've identified the problem, now it's time to start fixing it

 

Thank you for the question, heres what have i done to begin the healing process and what I am actively doing now:

Educating myself on how I came to have a low self esteem - this is the main step to escaping a damaged personality. When I look back I understand there were many things as a child that i did that was wrong. upon watching this type of porn at a young age, as well as being restricted with girls, I often compared myself with the guys that had no problem talking to girls. I'd ridicule myself for not being able to do the same. I'd be full of fear whenever talking to girls and sometimes just people in general. It was noticeable through stuttering and my mannerisms that I had little to no self esteem. Understanding where it had come from was very liberating the first time I did. It felt like all my anxiety was relieved.

The day I did take childhood trauma into consideration, I asked myself questions

I told myself, Why do you fear? Why do you fear it? Why do you fear them? Why do you fear yourself? Do you fear death? Why?

I was in a state of thinking where there were no factors offending me, pushing me to feel a certain way. I felt free. It was then I noticed that I had an overprotective layer of my own self in order to protect me from my insecurities.

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...re-my-experiences.137524/page-14#post-1278864

This post by @Roady confirmed it to me that I did have something of the sort.

So now, whenever I have an insecurity arise I have a mental link to this overprotective layer and I am conscious of it, this allows me to justify the anxiety and disregard it as something not dangerous.

I have come a long way now, though I still have some similar insecurities from the past. It's a slow healing process but I'm working on myself through staying productive and socialising. I've also picked boxing back up and training my body.

Bare in mind, I have relapsed recently, it doesn't mean that freeing yourself will free your addiction. Your lust will always correlate with the stuff you used to watch. That adrenaline and anxiety mixed with pleasure will be there, but, large times away from PMO will always give you a clearer mind and you will look at the fetishes you once craved differently.