Sissy Fetish from porn

What the hell!!! i had never heard about this until today,,,but after reading these posts...i think this is what im doing!!! I just bought a chastity cage to keep my cock out of sight and from getting hard...could this be what im doing? trying to become a sissy?? Help please..

 

Hey guys, I think everyone on here should join the group "recovering from sissy porn". Great community for people going through this. I myself, relate to the post by the transgender woman very heavily. I'm in a bit of a complete and total identity crisis. I knew I was gay from the age of 12. I've always been into gay porn and loved other males. I exhibited gender non-conformity as a kid, mainly dressing up and relating to male characters in films (batman, spiderman, jack sparrow, indiana jones, luke skywalker, etc.) But would also dress up as the princess in a Disney princess movie, I'm not sure why, although I hear this behavior is common for around 50% of gay men (probably the bottoms lol). When I hit puberty, I knew immediately that I was gay and I was a bottom, but I tried to keep up a very masculine and superior demeanor in real life. I come off as confident, and a lot of girls and fem gay guys liked me. I was heavily into porn throughout this time, always coming up with narratives that involved straight hot guys I liked and were genuinely pretty intense or degrading to myself. I should mention for the sake of this discussion that I was a very sheltered, anxious kid, and while I don't remember all of my childhood super clearly, I can certainly point to spots where I was bullied or made to feel bad by friends or relatives. In highschool I was physically assaulted by a guy who was very attractive and older than me, and made fun of by the guy in school I really liked. The biggest crush I've had was a childhood friend who was very attractive and grew up to be fairly athletic and homophobic. I'm also diabetic and got made fun of for that. Even if straight males are nice to me I always get the vibe that they can somehow detect that I'm different and they don't like me. I've always felt inferior and very body dysmorphic despite the fact that I'm a pretty good-looking guy. My porn addiction, after years and years, eventually included topics such as castration, or watching a straight hot guy fuck a girl, or fantasizing about being turned into a girl for a straight guy's pleasure. Even just typing about it turns me on a bit. Having PIED destroyed my confidence, but after a roughly six month streak, I began to recover. I was beginning to be able to have sex with my boyfriend at the time, but I didn't really like him nor was super turned on by it, and it always felt bland. With my PIED gone, I began to jerk off compulsively. Eventually this turned into what I think was a chaser effect, after weeks of jerking off three times a day, where I got a super, crazy dopamine rush, anxiety filled fantasies about being transgender and fucking a cute young straight guy. Recovering from my porn habit left my with a load of OCD issues, and constantly worrying I was transgender, or had a disease causing PIED, or had AIDS etc. was all there. Eventually I caved and binged for days on all sorts of gay porn, sissy porn etc trying to "figure out" my sexuality. Everything was numb after a while and I stopped being able to jerk off to any of it, leaving me feeling more confused and unsure than ever. I have an OCD therapist now, and he's VERY helpful. My quality of life has improved greatly since that relapse, as it made me ask for help. I was at a point of being seriously suicidal. Finding people on here is also a great help, as feeling like you're not the only one who feels that they aren't trans likely but watched porn about it is very helpful. I feel numb today, the only thing that excited me is brief rushes thinking about straight porn with hot guys, and aside from that I feel like shit. I'm 3 weeks P free, and one day MO free, but this thread has brought to my attention that I think I may have a masterbation addiction and fantasy addiction that may be just as harmful as my P addiction. I feel truly lost and like I don't know who I am, what my goals or interests are, or if I'll ever be happy again. I'm still occasionally scared I may be trans (please don't try and address this as it could likely trigger my OCD and trigger a relapse lol) and I just feel like I don't know if I'll ever recover. At this point, relapsing and then killing myself seems like an honest to god logical option. I wouldn't do it ever, but that's just kind of where I'm at with this.