Sissy Hypno. I need help.

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by moveforward, Jun 4, 2020.

  1. moveforward

    moveforward Fapstronaut

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    Today I relapsed but something curious happened. While I was doing it I knew that what I was doing was wrong and even after, despite not being too happy with myself, I got determined again. Usually I would be binging and like trying to quit porn in another time but no. And this is why I wanted to post this update! Instead of being a negative post, I want to reassure that if you are getting through hard urges dont be like me and give in because its not what you want.

    Getting my counter on 0 after 19 long days and to be honest its not what I wanted to see now but my last 4 days were really hard. Not trying to make up excuses but it was a constant battle. I would spend most of the day trying to find reasons to give up instead of forgetting about it and moving on. In the end of the day I would just go to bed and try to forget about it but next day same thing.. So now thinking about what led me to relapse I really dont know why I did it but yeah going back to 0!

    I can also link this failed attempt to a lack of exercise and activities that would keep my mind off of it! I hanged out with friends and that helped a lot but I failed when I was alone, And I was home alone for 4 days and never gave in, which is why it's so stupid that I gave in now ahah. I cant be all day thinking about it and it seems that before you relapse you keep searching for threads about guys that go through the same situation and they keep saying: Dont relapse, it's not worth it and that is the addicted part of your brain tricking you. And you still relapse because instead of wanting to stop you want to find reasons and motives to give in. I found myself at 2 am taking a cold shower after I decided to close everything and stop considering it and saying to myself that whatever your urges say, dont relapse! Its that simple!!! but next day it changed.

    Despite calling it failed attempt, I am not going to look at this as a definite and permanent end to my nofap journey. It is a step down but Imma keep going through these steps. Relapsing today may be tough but if I think about how many times I masturbated only this year and how much time I went without fapping (maybe 7 days when I was on holiday)... 19 days is a game change.

    Maybe these last 4 days one of my motives to not give in was this forum and what I already said in this thread. And the support you guys gave me was huge! I really want to make this as a warning to you guys and to myself. don't. give. up. It's not worth it.
     
    TimeToQuitNow and verbeek75 like this.
  2. lollusk

    lollusk Fapstronaut

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    hey, you have seeing sissy porn or something like this shit?
     
  3. moveforward

    moveforward Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it's the type of porn that gives me most dopamine. If my cause of relapse was vanilla porn maybe it wouldnt be that bad but it's too early for that to happen. I've spent too much time fapping to this type of porn, aint easy

    edit: it wouldnt be that bad in my specific situation! its bad to relapse but for me getting an urge to fap to vanilla p and women its way different than this sissy p
     
  4. verbeek75

    verbeek75 Fapstronaut

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    Yes it's hard, been trying to stop for a year now, 30 or so days was the highest I got, been trying again now, difficult due to health issues but reading your comments and of others keep giving me the motivation not to give up. A few years ago I actually had succeeded and was porn free but due to health issues it came back in spades. But I know it's possible and the benefits are more then worth it.
     
  5. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    You should re-read this next time you want to relapse
     
  6. growpotatoes

    growpotatoes Fapstronaut

    I've just relapsed too. No porn, just that "feeling like a sissy" kink. It happened in the shower, as often, and lasted only a few minutes.
    I still feel bad but I think I'm becoming more analytical and detached with all this. I accept it, not as a "normal thing" which is a dangerous opinion (why not fully go down the rabbit hole then??), but as a problem that I need handle and try to solve / gain control of. So I try to spot what led me to the urge, and it's getting more and more obvious. I've always been very insecure. This shit is simply an escape strategy. Being very sensitive and not particularly manly doesn't help I guess.
    I had been free of those urges for weeks. Part of it is probably due to the fact that there are more people coming back to work at the office, not just me and the guy who always makes me uncomfortable. He has other people to "bother" now, so I'm feeling safer.
    Still not started a CBT. I'm an over-thinker so this kind of leap takes ages to me.
    But the simple realization that thoughts lead to feelings which in turn lead to acting out, already makes you change your approach. If you catch the thoughts in the first place and identify them as junk that you need to get rid of and NOT examine (a tendency we have whenever a thought is disturbing), you can eliminate most of the urges. No need for a therapist to start applying CBT strategies.
     
  7. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    "I accept it, not as a "normal thing" which is a dangerous opinion (why not fully go down the rabbit hole then??), but as a problem that I need handle and try to solve / gain control of."

    This seems like a good mindset to have