moveforward
Fapstronaut
Today I relapsed but something curious happened. While I was doing it I knew that what I was doing was wrong and even after, despite not being too happy with myself, I got determined again. Usually I would be binging and like trying to quit porn in another time but no. And this is why I wanted to post this update! Instead of being a negative post, I want to reassure that if you are getting through hard urges dont be like me and give in because its not what you want.
Getting my counter on 0 after 19 long days and to be honest its not what I wanted to see now but my last 4 days were really hard. Not trying to make up excuses but it was a constant battle. I would spend most of the day trying to find reasons to give up instead of forgetting about it and moving on. In the end of the day I would just go to bed and try to forget about it but next day same thing.. So now thinking about what led me to relapse I really dont know why I did it but yeah going back to 0!
I can also link this failed attempt to a lack of exercise and activities that would keep my mind off of it! I hanged out with friends and that helped a lot but I failed when I was alone, And I was home alone for 4 days and never gave in, which is why it's so stupid that I gave in now ahah. I cant be all day thinking about it and it seems that before you relapse you keep searching for threads about guys that go through the same situation and they keep saying: Dont relapse, it's not worth it and that is the addicted part of your brain tricking you. And you still relapse because instead of wanting to stop you want to find reasons and motives to give in. I found myself at 2 am taking a cold shower after I decided to close everything and stop considering it and saying to myself that whatever your urges say, dont relapse! Its that simple!!! but next day it changed.
Despite calling it failed attempt, I am not going to look at this as a definite and permanent end to my nofap journey. It is a step down but Imma keep going through these steps. Relapsing today may be tough but if I think about how many times I masturbated only this year and how much time I went without fapping (maybe 7 days when I was on holiday)... 19 days is a game change.
Maybe these last 4 days one of my motives to not give in was this forum and what I already said in this thread. And the support you guys gave me was huge! I really want to make this as a warning to you guys and to myself. don't. give. up. It's not worth it.
Getting my counter on 0 after 19 long days and to be honest its not what I wanted to see now but my last 4 days were really hard. Not trying to make up excuses but it was a constant battle. I would spend most of the day trying to find reasons to give up instead of forgetting about it and moving on. In the end of the day I would just go to bed and try to forget about it but next day same thing.. So now thinking about what led me to relapse I really dont know why I did it but yeah going back to 0!
I can also link this failed attempt to a lack of exercise and activities that would keep my mind off of it! I hanged out with friends and that helped a lot but I failed when I was alone, And I was home alone for 4 days and never gave in, which is why it's so stupid that I gave in now ahah. I cant be all day thinking about it and it seems that before you relapse you keep searching for threads about guys that go through the same situation and they keep saying: Dont relapse, it's not worth it and that is the addicted part of your brain tricking you. And you still relapse because instead of wanting to stop you want to find reasons and motives to give in. I found myself at 2 am taking a cold shower after I decided to close everything and stop considering it and saying to myself that whatever your urges say, dont relapse! Its that simple!!! but next day it changed.
Despite calling it failed attempt, I am not going to look at this as a definite and permanent end to my nofap journey. It is a step down but Imma keep going through these steps. Relapsing today may be tough but if I think about how many times I masturbated only this year and how much time I went without fapping (maybe 7 days when I was on holiday)... 19 days is a game change.
Maybe these last 4 days one of my motives to not give in was this forum and what I already said in this thread. And the support you guys gave me was huge! I really want to make this as a warning to you guys and to myself. don't. give. up. It's not worth it.