Sissy hypnosis and defeat (triggers)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kyrike, Dec 19, 2017.

  1. Kyrike

    Kyrike Fapstronaut

    Sissy hypnosis, we all know about it and how terrible it is. We know what it does to people and how it takes it's hold. For me I accidentally came upon it when I was 12 (7 years ago). It happened in a kind of stupid way actually. I remember I was watching an episode of Gilligan's Island and Ginger was feeding Gilligan some applesauce or something like that (yes this is a weird start) and her voice was so calm and soothing. Mind you this is well before any ASMR become a normal thing. Anyway, listening to her felt so good and I was curious about if this was what it was like to be hypnotized or not. We had a computer upstairs on the play room which is usually where I was at by myself (not a good idea for future parents to keep in mind). There was only innocence behind my curiosity.. I think. So I searched online to see if hypnosis was actually real and I came up with relatively wholesome wiki articles on the subject. I'm not sure how it happened but after that I randomly saw a YouTube video about hypnosis that would make you feel like a girl.
    I should pause here to say that alot of times when I was little I would constantly pretend and "play girl" by myself when I was alone or with my younger sister. We would dress up which is normal enough, but I always did more to try and be feminine. This was around ages 5 to 8. Yes I realize some of this maybe be typical, but not to the extent I would play or imagine while alone.
    Anyway after listening to one of those "girl hypnosis" videos I was curious if this had actually happened to anyone. After a bit more unsupervised internet use by a twelve year old I got into mtf transformation comics and videos on YouTube. The shitty very obviously stolen artwork kind but still my young self liked it.
    A year passed and I was still watching those types of videos, but recently I had found two new places online. Bimboboutique and lockedinlace. My parents actually ended up catching me on bimboboutique and assumed I was looking at porn of bimbos, not realizing I was reading the stories about how they became them. I was considering telling them about my interests but decided against it as my mom was already shaken by what happened. (Also funny sidenote in one of the stories on lockedinlace they were talking about cum and for some reason I thought they meant spit because I didn't know what cum was I wish I could go back to that time)
    A few months after this I ended up finding actual sissy hypno and right off the bat I was addicted. It was everything I had ever wanted to be told and be. It's not helpful how addicting it is either. After a year of being addicted to this stuff I started crossdressing. My sister usually wasn't home so I had alot of her stuff to use. I did this up until 17 when I got caught for the first time. My dad had found some pics I took of me in her panties I had and with fake cum on my face. Needless to say we weren't on speaking terms for a few days. After that we slowly forgot about it. When I was 18 I had my first experience with a guy. We talked on Grindr and I met him in a private bathroom on my college campus. I ended up sucking him off and I'm not going to like it was soo fun. Of course afterwards I had class and the whole time all I felt was guilt. I haven't met with a guy since then, but I have still wanted to.
    I'm crossdressing more recently and being more independent now I'm afraid I'm going to do something I've wanted to do for a long time but I know it's wrong. I'm able to get hormone replacement therapy and I think I'm going to do it. Yes I'm aware of all the risks, mental health, blah blah I've read more about the matter than you have so you can spare me.
    Here's the thing. I'm a Christian, I believe this is wrong. I know all the arguments against transgenderism and they're good arguments that I agree with. However in afraid that for years I've just been uncomfortable with looking like a male. I've spoken with therapists and some believe my issues are realted to the low self confidence I've had since I was young and partially due to the crazy amount of physical and mental bullying I suffered (though I hate using that as an argument because I'm not one to pull the "I was bullied so it's not my fault, pit me" card). Other therapists think I should transition and that my issues are entirely based on being in the wrong body. I believe it's the self confidence part in addition to being addicted to sissy porn. I think I've convinced myself that if I simply become a girl (or something similar in looks) then I'll be more confident and desired by people.
    So I think that it really isn't possible to get past this road block in my life without starting hormone replacement therapy. I've got a friend who's helping me get started.. I guess the reason I'm posting here is to seek out anyone that could still change my mind. A last ditch effort if you will
    TIMMY0110 likes this.
  2. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

    @Kyrike Just be yourself! It doesnt matter if you are male or transgendered, so long as you are happy. Its not necessarily wrong ( and I am christian too ). There are a few transgendered people on here. Why not speak with them for their thoughts and advice.
  3. Kyrike

    Kyrike Fapstronaut

    I've spoken to a few, so far the answers have been the same.. you know transgenderism isn't exactly supported or smiled upon Biblically or scientifically right? That's one of the reasons I don't want to. Or rather it's the reasons why I know I shouldn't want to and that my desires are wrong, I just haven't been able to stop myself from enjoying it all.
  4. hexotl

    hexotl Fapstronaut

    Hello Kyrike and welcome to the forum. So, one thing that confuses me is that you believe that you want to get hormone therapy, because of a combination of low self-confidence and being addicted to sissy pornography. Given that you registered on the nofap forum, I would have thought that you do not enjoy being addicted to sissy pornography? (Maybe I am wrong here) Now, there is a phenomena called Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (HOCD) that lots of pornography addicts have. Basically, pornography changed their sexual orientation while they were addicted, but luckily after abstaining from pornography their sexual orientation reverted back to what it was before they used pornography excessively. You can read some reboot and recovery journals on

    Now, I don't know whether you truly are transgender/transsexual or if you are suffering from HOCD. But I am wondering if you have ever completed the 90 day reboot challenge? Given that you are hesitant to do the hormone therapy, it might be worth a shot to see if your desires change after the reboot. The way I see it, there are two possibilities. First, you are suffering from HOCD but it gets better the longer you abstain from watching pornography. In this case, great, you don't have to do the hormone therapy and there is no conflict with your values as a Christian. Second, you do not suffer from HOCD, but are genuinely transgender/-sexual. In this case your dilemma persists with respect to the therapy. However, regardless of whether you do the therapy or not, I think we can agree that being addicted to sissy pornography is not a desirable state to be in, right? So, even if you are genuinely transgender/-sexual, you would benefit from abstaining from pornography.

    To put my advice in a nutshell (if you haven't already): postpone your decision about doing hormone therapy for now and complete the 90 day reboot challenge.
    Tannhauser, Immature, sakeen and 2 others like this.
  5. Former_CD

    Former_CD Fapstronaut

    Hi and welcome. I am 50 and a former lifelong cross dresser. I started around the age of 5 and I finally stopped 21 months ago.
    I am begging you, please do not start hormones. Do not make any decisions that will change your body permanently.
    I know from experience how CD fiction can mess with your brain. I was heavily addicted to that as well. I had the same fantasies as you. I fantasised about being a girl, dressing like a girl and being with a man, being made to dress like a girl etc. I doubt there is a fantasy you have had that I haven't also had. Yes, there were many times that I thought I was Transgender also.
    It also does not help that many cross dressers on CD forums push and support going on hormones. Hormones will not make you feel better or change who you are on the inside.
    I am also a Christian and I too understand the internal conflict you are more than likely experiencing. If you want to be free from this bondage then you can break free. I am living proof of that. I didn't think it was possible. Your brain is mixed up from porn and CD fiction. In my opinion erotic fiction of any type is far more dangerous and corrupting than pornography.
    My point is that until you break free from porn and the CD fiction then your brain is corrupted. You are not in a position to make a reasoned decision about your future. Please, do at least a good 90 day reboot BEFORE you make a decision that will change your body permanently.
    I am here for you if you would like to contact me privately.
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
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  6. truthseeker17

    truthseeker17 Fapstronaut

    You choose your directions. You know and feel what's wrong and what's right. This is something God placed in our hearts as a guidence. However people ignore it until it's dead. You still have hope, because if it "feels" wrong, it is wrong!. If you keep doing it, one day you won't feel it anymore. Then turning away is almost impossible!

    Good luck buddy!
    Immature and Former_CD like this.
  7. sakeen

    sakeen Fapstronaut

    Fuck your friend who is 'helping' you to get started to transition. You need to seriously understand that you won't discover your true self if you continue to watch this kind of porn, or any porn in general. We know now 100% that porn changes the brain through neuroplasticity, and your mind is like a trash can - it will pick up whatever crap you come into contact with daily. Before you take any drastic steps (that are more likely than not damage your life) you need to abstain from porn for a serious amount of time until your brain reverts to its base state. Stop porn, sort out your confidence issues and then decide.
    FX-05, Immature, Archie3325 and 3 others like this.
  8. sakeen

    sakeen Fapstronaut

    Archie3325 and Former_CD like this.
  9. MellowFellow

    MellowFellow Fapstronaut

    In some places you have to live as your preferred gender for a year before having reassignment surgery. This seems like a good idea before taking hormones too.
  10. Former_CD

    Former_CD Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the support.
    sakeen likes this.
  11. My only concern is the sissy hypnosis read too many posts by members about how this fucks up their minds.

    Get off the porn and the sissy hypnosis and stay off for at least a year or two. Make sure the desire to trans is genuine and not some hypnotic suggestion if you then still feel the same way, go for it.

    But be sure the desire is truly yours.
  12. sakeen

    sakeen Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your wisdom and taking the time to post your personal experience to help fellow fapstronauts
    Former_CD likes this.
  13. I don't know anything about CD, sissy hypnosis, or hormone therapy. My brother is homosexual and dressed up and various things at certain times throughout my life. I remember he left for another state with an older man when I was young. When he came back a few years later he was more feminine seeming. I also think I had remnants of discomfort around homosexuality as I was growing up. It wasn't until various drug-use that that faded. There's so much to learn about being happy in this life, about others, about yourself. I don't think therapists got it figured out, we don't have it figured out, theories upon theories... all confused.

    I suppose I should say be careful with the choices you make and good luck!
  14. Kyrike

    Kyrike Fapstronaut

    Thanks everyone for replying here, you're all correct. I need to abstain from this, I've tried before but haven't been able to get through it unfortunately. I just don't know how to go about it properly.
    Also no, I do not enjoy being addicted to any kind of pornography, but I don't think it's the origin of my trans feelings. We'll see how it goes I suppose.
    Actually I recently went through a stage where I hadn't looked at any pornography for about three months or so (when I was in a relationship with a girl). Unfortunately I started drifting back into after we'd broken up, not to the extreme level I had before mind you. Anyway even in the relationship I'd had my trans feelings were still present and we talked about it some. This isn't why we broke up by the way.
    I'm on the way back to my home now in America so hopefully when I'm there I won't go through with any drastic moves towards my body with hrt. Pray for me please
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  15. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Anyone who has been feeding his mind with porn or erotic fantasy has changed his mind. What we put into our mind changes it. It feeds certain thoughts. Likewise it starves thoughts contrary to what thoughts we are feeding.

    This should be obvious enough. If instead of porn and erotic fantasy we put into our minds other ideas we’d have a stronger like for whatever that is.since you are religious consider the difference it would make meditating on God for hours rather than porn. The thing is erotic ideas are very powerful as they appeal to our passions. If we reinforce them through orgasm they will be really powerful.

    I don’t think anyone who is wrapped up in porn or erotic fantasy is thinking clearly or fully rationally. I wouldn’t make any decisions like this while caught up in PMO.
  16. Optimist85

    Optimist85 Fapstronaut

    Hi Kyrike. I've been in a kind of similar situation, so I'll hope you will listen.

    I've been crossdressing from young age, 12 or so I think (I'm 32 now). I think most guys do it at least once out of curiosity.

    Since a young age I've been watching P and sneaking in *** shops to buy magazines while underage. I was also a member of TG forums in my country, again while underage, being influenced by the forums members. Also I've been addicted to P since then I guess.

    My tastes in P changed from vanilla very fast to harder stuff like b*ndage. This also happened while underage. Over the years I ended up listening to s* hypno and YouTube hypno stuff. Just like you. Maybe even started with the same video. I was curious and I thought it doesn't work anyways.

    To understand what I'm trying to tell you. I'm a straight as an arrow guy. Yeah, I had some bi experiences. I enjoyed some, some not. But I never dated a guy. It's just not what I or the real me wants. It never crossed my mind. I dated lots and lots of women and when my head is clear (not listening to this sh*t hypno), I have no concept of some guy being attractive to me. But while listening without even noticing my perception changed at least temporary.

    I stumbled upon very bad hypno files, and thought about how unhappy I am, live isn't worth living as a man (influence by hypno), and I should live my life as a woman. I started eating less (I'm a muscular guy who gets lots of attention and compliments from girls. I'm attractive) trying to starve myself down. I thought about shaving my legs and doing other weird stuff. Like starting my hair to grow. Had long hair when I was younger, never liked it. Because I've got brainwashed by these videos and audiofiles, I almost threw my life away a couple of days ago. These files are not just toxic, they are very sneaky and build up on each other.

    The thing is these hypnos work. Even the pictures with flashing letters work. Yeah, crazy but that's just the way it is. But that's not what you or the real you wants for yourself. You have been manipulated.

    Just like a salesman that pushes you into buying an inferior product and you end up thanking him for that. There may be some malicious person behind. That is basically r*ping your mind without you even noticing.

    If you want a metaphor for s* hypno, it is like playing Russian roulette. You think you'll be lucky and nothing will happen, but as long as you do not realize what is happening to you one of the Chambers won't be empty. Luckily you can still change your life for the better.

    If you want to transition, that's great if it is what *you* want. Not what somebody told you to remember, accept as your own opinion and then forget while in trance. But if you do not want it, and you realize it while or even after some irreparable changes or damages have been done to your body, you will wake up in hell.

    So do a P and hypno detox for at least a year, one day at a time and talk to your psychologist for a year. Try at least 90 days. If you chose so without hypno and P, it's the right decision. If you base your decision on brainwash, then nobody can help you.

    No matter how lost you are, there is always help to get out of misery. But you need to consider it. It is important that you build your life on decisions that are genuinely yours.
  17. I wanted to specifically respond to this point, as I think you're totally right, at least for some individuals. I used to think reading this kind of amateur fiction was a pretty lightweight medium, compared to say graphic images. But now I realize, that if you really get absorbed into it you can almost create an alternate reality track in your mind while fantasizing along with the characters in the stories. You're not just viewing flat 2-d images, you're getting a multi-layered "virtual reality" experience in your own head. Potentially a real risk for one's view of their own identity over time. Thanks for pointing this out and making me think about it - it's just as bad or worse than the other stuff.
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
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  18. Poemandres

    Poemandres Fapstronaut

    I would say, REBOOT your brain, 90 days, or maybe a little bit more because you started at 12, and then you'll be in the best place to decide if you want the hormone replacement therapy or not. Because right now you are completely conditioned and any action that you take isn't from your true self.

    You say that you don't believe that erotic fiction and pornography is the origin of your trans feelings, but YOU STARTED AT 12! That's pure brainwash!
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
  19. I'm so glad that I learned about goal setting, and am so close to being able to build my dream life. If not, if I was still in my old lost & depressed state of mind, with no hope for the future, I'd absolutely succumb to the sissy hypno, and do whatever it wanted me to do. Thankfully, throughout the time I've been listening to sissy hypno, I've also been diligently working towards my dreams. Now that I'm so close to earning my dream income, and being able to date quality women, there is no way that I would be willing to throw it all away.

    These people are trying to convince you that you will become happy by becoming a woman. But it won't work. You become happy by changing your circumstances through goal setting, not by changing your hormones.

    Hopefully this short clip from motivational speaker, Brian Tracy, will be of help to you:

    How to Be Happy: 5 Steps to Living a Life You Love | Brian Tracy
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
  20. Imagine it is the year 1800. Would Kyrike, or almost all of us for that matter, but thinking about transitioning to become women? Of course not! It would never cross our minds. Kyrike would likely courting a beautiful young lass, not considering modifying the shape of his a** (getting female sized hips...)
    Dogmatico likes this.

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