Sissy porn and lifestyle is killing me. HELP

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by BigOwl44, Jul 26, 2020.

  1. There is no way out but to walk away from this vicious cycle and give your body, and mind time to heal. (It may take 1 year or it may take 5 years.)
     
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  2. I just wanted to ask a few suggestive questions to get you thinking more objectively about your problem, I apologise if I came across as rude or flippant.

    The reason I asked about drugs is that people use substances to achieve a dissociated state of consciousness, hence the notion of "escapism." Obviously we porn addicts use pornography in exactly the same way.

    Through your addiction to sissy porn you have developed, as you say, a seemingly autonomous and imaginary persona which is separate to your persona in everyday life. This is sometimes called a tulpa. This is in fact a schizoid form of consciousness.

    This is highly dangerous and extremely damaging to your mental well-being. It's astonishing that this type of pornographic material is so readily available. It's vile.

    In addition to the great thing we have going on here on these forums, there is also a sub-reddit dedicated to this specific problem you could check out called /r/tgandsissyrecovery.
     
  3. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Honestly man, straight guy don't do this. Why don't you face up the fact you may be homosexual?
     
  4. BigOwl44

    BigOwl44 Fapstronaut

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    I know they don't. The main reason I don't think that I am gay is because I wasn't like this before I started the spiral into porn addiction. I've never looked at a man and thought "I could see having a relationship with him". Which I have done for women. Straight up gay porn has also always grossed me out also.
     
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  5. BigOwl44

    BigOwl44 Fapstronaut

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    Currently sitting at one week removed from what I did. A few thoughts: I've been porn free since then but did MO the first two days after. Haven't MO'ed since last Monday (its been 5 days). I haven't really had the strong urges like I have had in the past after the first few days attempt at a reboot. Any time the thought even starts about sissy porn, I am reminded of what I felt like while actually doing the act in real life and its basically cut off at that point. I think part of the appeal to sissy porn (for me at least) is the potentiality of it happening. Chasing the feeling of what it might actually be like to act on all of these terrible thoughts that sissy porn gives you. Now that I've actually acted, I actually know what it is like now and it just isn't as good as what I thought it was going to be. Quite the contrary actually: I am reminded of the starvation I put myself through, how unnatural it felt while actually doing the act, how powerless I was over my own actions, and just how gross I felt while doing it. I thought I didn't entirely hate it immediately after doing it, but the more time I've had to remove myself from it, the more I realize how fucking terrible it was.
     
  6. The Legend of Hope

    The Legend of Hope Fapstronaut

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    It's up to you what you do with that experience. Go deeper into this addiction and lose who you are or fight your way out of the hell you put yourself in. There is no easy way out. You either die as a human being and just exist for your addiction or you fight your way with everything you got. Get the fuck up! You chose this hell. Now fight your way out! You are not alone!
     
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  7. BigOwl44

    BigOwl44 Fapstronaut

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    *SCREAMS AND RUNS THROUGH BRICK WALL*
    YES. I'm 11 days porn free. I've MO a couple times and I'm working on it, but no porn or anything close to it. Gonna beat this a day at a time. Or even an hour at a time. I refuse to exist solely to support this addiction. Fuck porn. Fuck sissy hypno. GO LIFE. MY LIFE
     
  8. Mr. Diesel

    Mr. Diesel Fapstronaut

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    WHATEVER IT TAKES AMIRITE BUDDY UUUUUH
     
  9. BigOwl44

    BigOwl44 Fapstronaut

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    YESSIRRR
     
  10. ThePaladin

    ThePaladin New Fapstronaut

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    I have some experiences with this as well and may be able to provide some advice that you find helpful. Sissyism has cast a dark shadow over my own life due to a very poor childhood in which I had an absent father and a feminizing home atmosphere. I was never good at a lot of characteristically boyish things like sports and always had a non-confrontational, docile personality. My body type, for most of my life, has been slim and skinny, and I was unable to get a girlfriend until well-into college. And, probably worst of all, there was a traumatic instance in my childhood in which an aunt made me wear girl's underwear. These things fostered in me a deep lack of self-confidence and, with my addictive personality, it is obvious why sissy porn would have found a place in my life. My addiction never got any deeper than fapping to erotic literature on sissy websites and looking at sissy art/comics, but the presence of this darkness in my life was deeply damaging to me for many years.

    The issue at the heart of sissy porn addiction is a false sense of failure as a man and a belief that you fail to measure up to masculine virtues. Related to this is a romanticized outlook about the feminine ideal and a belief that, since you lack confidence as a man, you might be happier if you could live according to traditionally feminine characteristics such as deference and sensitivity. I know that in my own experience as a child, the women in my life felt the "safest" to me since most of the men in my life were alcoholics and possessed choleric temperaments. Perhaps, subconsciously, I felt like the women had personalities that were closer to my own and I wished that I could embody those characteristics in my life without it being socially unacceptable. At bottom, I had a twisted conception of what masculinity actually meant and it metastasized into something sinister when I hit puberty.

    I believe that Sissyism can only be confronted through the development of character, and particularly Christian character. Most of the anxieties that I developed about my masculinity derived from my lack of any real sense of purpose, self-worth, or value. It was when I came to a serious faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that I understood, finally, my worth as an individual and the true meaning of masculinity, as outlined in the life of Jesus Christ. Masculinity is not about drinking beer, playing sports, lifting weights all the time, or fixing cars. It is about taking advantage of those skills and talents that the Lord has given to us and using them to advance His glory and serve others. Around the time that I became more serious about my Christianity, I became much more motivated in all of my personal endeavors, discovered what my skills were, and began to aggressively pursue opportunities that would allow me to build a successful career out of them one day. These things enormously contributed to building up my self-confidence, which is utterly toxic to Sissyism. Now, due to my persistence and healthy ambition, I am on track to finish doctoral work and build a career in scholarship and education. Happily, sissy porn is not a part of my life anymore and I hope that it never will be again, even if I admit that my NoFap journey is still far from complete.

    Focus on character building and doing those things that improve your image of yourself as a man. And, above all, look for the peace that only comes through faith in Christ and you will realize that this perversion does not have to be a part of your life forever.
     
  11. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    I believe porn was the cause of many problems in my life. Stopping the lie of porn solved those problems.

    However, there is a saying about alcoholics. If you sober up a drunk horse thief, you'll end up with a sober horse thief.

    It's very possible (and from what you describe very probable) that you are a straight transvestite. Some straight men love dressing up in women's clothes. They are not gay. Note that it is very common to confuse the terms transexual with transvestite. A transexual male is a female in a male body who desires surgery to create the body her female brain needs. A transvestite is a male who likes to wear women's clothes or just female panties.

    Although, I think porn can warp the mind. It is also possible for a man to be a transvestite and to later discover transvestite porn - as you put it sissy porn.

    I agree that a therapist is a great idea. But (and I am prepared for the onslaught I'll receive telling me I'm wrong), for a different idea. If you are a transvestite, therapy would be to figure out how to accept yourself as a straight man who happens to like wearing women's clothes and a butt plug.

    Considering the horrible things that happen in this world, wanting to put on a pair of lace panties and a teddy is rather mild.

    Your guilt is far more a symptom of the judgment society throughs at us every day. There is no shortage of people and institutions willing to judge every action we take. Schools literally grade every assignment, jobs evaluate our work, police issue tickets if fail to follow the rules of the road, and churches will tell us that it's a sin to do somethings (like men sleeping with men) when in the same book of the bible eating shellfish or pork is equally condemned by the men who wrote that book. I've always thought the ultimate hypocrisy was for Christians to serve ham on Easter Sunday.

    Still, a therapist most likely isn't going to help you rid yourself of the evil sissy that wears female clothes. A therapist is going to help you accept yourself for who you are.

    I am no fan of the lies of porn. But, in the same way, putting a cast on a broken leg bone can cure the broken bone but not a ruptured appendix, the NoFap program might not help you accept that you are a transvestite.

    As I mentioned above, no shortage of people and institutions that ignore multiple prohibitions in the bible themselves that are willing to judge the actions of others.

    -D2L

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  12. ThePaladin

    ThePaladin New Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps you are trying to help, but I am of the opinion that what you are telling people in this thread won't really help anyone. Telling people to "love and accept themselves as they are" is not only an incredibly banal response, but it is based upon the essentially hedonistic error that there is no right way to live and that all pleasures are basically harmless. But the majority of the people on NoFap, including the OP of this thread, recognize that what they are pleasuring themselves to is damaging if not destroying their livelihoods. It is foolish to simply blame social stigma for your problems rather than address the root of the cause in pornography. For, if any age is blindly accepting of all forms of sexual indulgence, it is our own age. And, of course, a therapist is unlikely to do anything to improve the situation since they, informed by a passive obedience to the LGBT dogmas, will do everything in their power to encourage a transition and reduce someone's desire to actually improve themselves.

    I don't think that you have any knowledge of traditional Christian doctrine. While the shellfish or pork regulations on the Hebrew Commonwealth are certainly a part of the inspired Word of God, it is no less true that the New Covenant of Christ abrogated those particular laws. Jesus himself said that all foods were clean in Mark 7, and in Acts 10, Peter is told that he is no longer to reject the eating of foods prohibited under the Old Covenant on the grounds that they are unclean. Perhaps you may object that if we throw out the Old Testament dietary laws then we need to throw out its condemnation of cross-dressing and homosexuality too. But the problem with this objection is that the New Testament denounces these acts in terms that are just as strong as the Old Testament, so we know that their moral applicability is unchanged with the coming of Christ.

    Denounce Christian "hypocrisy" all you want, but at least denounce it when it actually exists. As it stands your belief that eating ham on Easter is the "ultimate hypocrisy" simply reveals that you know very little about the faith that you are seeking to condemn.
     
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  13. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    Well, I did say that I was prepared for the onslaught that would follow for speaking the truth that a straight man that likes to wear panties is a normal thing.

    I believe it was Jesus who said we were to love ourselves.

    Modern Pauline Christianity as it was spread by Saul of Tarsus is a mixture of Judaism, Roman Pagan Religon, and old Norse traditions.

    Paul (Saul of Tarsus) couldn't sell Jesus as the Messiah to the Jews because he wasn't the Messiah. The Messiah had only one job - free Isreal from the Romans and Jesus didn't do that.

    So Paul started selling Jesus to the Gentiles (Greeks and Romans). However, there was a big problem. Romans and Greeks didn't want to change their diet and cut off the end of the penis to become a Christian.

    So, Paul fixed that part. Simple, you can eat what you want and leave your penis skin intact.

    Acts is where Paul tells Peter and the other Apostles that the old dietary laws and circumcision are not required any longer. Amazing that these 12 orthodox Jewish men just went along with what Paul said.

    Really? Seriously? Oh, wait, Paul wrote Acts. So, yeah, I guess he won the argument that easily. If you believe that I have a 30 year old car to sell you that runs like new and was only drive to church on Sundays by a little old lady.

    Nobody is more against the way porn warps the mind than I am. However, religion and social stigma warp the mind equally.

    Oh, here it is. You are homophobic and intolerant of others. I suppose asking you to, "Judge not least ye be judged," would be too much?

    I have very extensive knowledge of the Pauline Christian Doctrine. I understand how Paul wrote the majority of the New Testament. I understand how the Romans further changed the meaning of what Jesus was. No longer a savior of the Jews from Romans but, suddenly the savior of mankind.

    Later after the Protestant/Lutheran rebellion against the Universal One True Catholic Church, Jesus was suddenly a personal savior of individuals who didn't need the church to intercede for them. I always wondered what Protestants think happened to the billions of people who died before Martin Luther corrected the teachings.

    I also have extensive knowledge of the history of the written Bible. For example, were you aware that it was hundreds of years before the four Gospels were titled as The Gospels According to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? For hundreds of years, all four Gospels had no title or attribution at all.

    Learn your own Christian history before you accuse me of not knowing how the Romans replaced their pagan religion with a new Religion they called Christianity that was but a thin veneer on the old pagan religion that Jesus himself wouldn't recognize.

    Seriously, if Jesus were to come back next Monday and you invited him to worship with you, he'd show up on Saturday. Then, when he figured out that for some odd reason you, in error, believed the Sabbath was Sunday, he walked into your Christian church, Jesus would toss all of you out the way he did the money changers.

    Seriously, if Jesus came back today

    No, no, no. The New Covenant fulfilled the Law. The entire Old Testament. Not "particular" laws, all of - the laws. (Gal 3:1-29) Exactly How does that read as only getting rid of pork and lobster?

    Again, Gal 3:1-29

    Jesus didn't.

    Matthew 19:10-12

    Keep in mind, "eunuch" is a translation from the Greek which means both gay men and castrated men.

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    Bottom line, DO NOT go head to head with me on neither the history of Pauline Christianity nor the contradictions in the text. It's an argument I always win because I grew up in it, studied it. I took what I needed from Pauline Christianity and now am a spiritual person with no need for religion.

    Religion is for people afraid of going to hell and spiritual is for those that have already been there.
     
  14. growpotatoes

    growpotatoes Fapstronaut

    The fact that he doesn't feel attraction to men outside of the sissy fetish, makes him pretty straight, even if yeah we all might have a more or less homo side blah blah.

    I am straight too, but I can totally picture myself going down the same rabbit hole under certain circumstances. I experience the same intense arousal from allowing that "girl persona" to take over. Quite naturally, when this happens, the main fantasy is to be penetrated in a submissive way, by a man. But this has nothing to do with genuine attraction to men.

    To OP and his doubts about his "true gender", and being a closeted trans etc: read this https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...1706/overcoming-sex-addiction-self-help-guide
    I've got a pdf copy of the book. I've just read the introductory part, not the actual self-therapy program. But one of the author's ideas that stuck with me the most was: if it's a problem to you, then it's a problem. There is no further analysis to do. Don't ask yourself if you may need to actually just let go of your original male identity and fully accept "the other side". The fact that you were originally deeply ashamed and uncomfortable with your acting out, tells everything. The decrease in shame just means you have allowed this shit to take over and lower your self-esteem so much that your normal self is losing ground.
    Also (warning: possible triggers) there is a video on Youtube from an actual MtF trans, the title is "Autogynephilia | ContraPoints". I found it quite enlightening, about the difference between the AGP paraphilia and actual gender dysphoria. Arousal from slipping into a woman's shoes has nothing to do with MtF transsexualism. Do you think a non-transitioned MtF who decides to start living her daily life in woman's clothes gets aroused like crazy as we, the AGP crowd, would for sure? Nope, it just feels like a relief because the burden of having to act like a man, in man's attire, has vanished, and there is MORE self-esteem (unlike us after acting out). Now, could some AGP guys go so far as to transition? Yeah I guess so. Every aspect of human nature is a continuum. But this is obviously not the path you want for yourself.
    So, seek help. Preferably from someone specialized in CBT, with good knowledge of sex addictions. But honestly, you seem to be in a very dark place so any competent psychologist will do at the beginning. You'll feel a great relief just by talking about this crap to someone to whom this is just ordinary stuff.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2020
  15. Envoy-ofthe-End

    Envoy-ofthe-End Fapstronaut

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    Honestly I think heroine or cocaine is less scary than these extreme porn addictions... Although having any addiction is destructive, I hope you can get rid of this demon within you.
     
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  16. growpotatoes

    growpotatoes Fapstronaut

    Well, to me, that's pretty simple. OP has structured his identity around being a man, and reports his sissy fantasies as highly distressing, invasive and unwanted, otherwise he wouldn't come seek help here.
    Some other people will be able to embrace it and live a happy life (notwithstanding possible discrimination from intolerant jerks) in their fantasy from top to toes. Doesn't mean OP has to force himself into the same path. Each one his own mental structure, may it come from social pressure or not. By the way I wonder what doesn't??? We are what our environment made us.

    Plus, it is obvious that this shit goes away if you get your life together. ThePaladin describes this process very well, and OP also experienced such times. I can also testify on it.
     
  17. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    In all fairness, I never said forced. I said, see a therapist.

    NoFap is a great program for quitting porn.

    My post pointed out that it was possible that the OP's desire to cross-dress came BEFORE porn. If that is the case, then quitting porn will not make the OP's desire to cross-dress go away.

    A good therapist will be able to help the OP figure out if watching cross-dress (as the OP puts it "sissy") porn caused the desire or if the desire was there first.

    NoFap will not cure everything from ingrown toenails and fallen arches to kleptomania. Sometimes there are issues that require help this program can't offer.

    If the OP sees a therapist and discovers that he is not a cross-dresser but, rather only became interested in dressing in female attire after porn, then stopping porn would work.

    Read the OP's original post. Four times he destroyed his stash of female clothing and replaced it. His shame and regret seem to be coming from the same social forces that shame gay and transgendered people.

    That type of shaming is nonsense and the cause of self hate all the way to suicide. I'd much rather recommend an in person therapist than turning to the same religion that shamed society in the first place.

    I'll let the OP decide where he wants to get help.

    - D2L

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  18. greatchinaski

    greatchinaski Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, thank you for getting to the heart of the matter.

    I really appreciate your posts, well written and they have substance. Although, I'm not religious, I am spiritually-minded and personally understand the need for some sort of spiritual life to heal. I'm happy that you found your peace through Christ and Christianity. The only thing I disagree with you on is that "peace only comes through faith in Christ."

    I have found my peace of mind elsewhere. In metaphorical terms, there are many paths up the mountain (Religion, meditation, community, etc.). I prefer to encourage everyone here to find their spiritual life on their own terms.
     
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  19. growpotatoes

    growpotatoes Fapstronaut

     
  20. Rustcan45

    Rustcan45 Fapstronaut

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    Unpopular opinion but I think you're porn addiction is too deep to simple be saved by abstinence. The only way I see you beating this sissy fetish is the same way you got into it in the first place and that was through conditioning. You have you're sexual attraction setting turned on to men or at least being used by them. What you need to do is deselect that option in your head and turn it on to women. No matter how long you go without porn you never changed that setting in your head and it will always be there waiting, getting more and more alluring until you fap. If you're going a month without pmo and then you finally relapse to your fetish you're doing way more damage than relapsing to it every day. I would suggest you just watch regular porn or solo female porn at least every 3 days. Just to condition yourself. Aslong as you limit yourself to solo female porn, your brain will learn that to get that dopamine rush it will have to see naked women. All conditioning is, is learning. Let your brain learn and reprogram itself. Worked for me. Not with this fetish but something else. On a side note, I recommend you throw those toys away and cut your hair. Dissociate yourself as much as possible from that old lifestyle. Also, the nofap forum can be triggering even though people are here to help. Constantly checking here will remind you of your problem and constantly keep it on your mind.
     

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