Sissy porn and lifestyle is killing me. HELP

This guy went from "newbie" to "veteran" faster than most of us. How on earth do you do that?
No matter the answer, you sure are inspiring for others who are dealing with such a problem as well.

 

Wouldn't recommend. In the end you know that this addiction will find a way to lure you back into the same rabbit hole you are trying to
escape right now.

 

Hi BigOwl44 you seem to have a lot of problems the same as I did
I am 24 never had sex with a women
Started watching trans porn around high school
Tried crossdressing before porn and did more after it
Always felt more comfortable living as a man and always desire a relationship with a girl.
The only difference is that i got into porn later in high school and never got into the sissy stuff but after watching 2 and a half years of watching trans porn I felt like I had a lot of social problems.

I tried watching more regular porn and it didn't help me. I was still stuck with my problems.
My advice would be to reboot and free your mind from all porn so you can start to see your own self better. When I completed my reboot I found myself still with some deep issues that were not porn related. I had to look into my childhood and that is where I found the source of the problem.
Just a few tips don't come to these forums to often it will only remind you of your problems, try to find something your interested in and focus on that. This is what made my reboot alot more insightful for me.
Goodluck

 

There is a correlation, but no one has shown causation. Causation most likely will not come for a long time because it isn't exactly LGBTQ positive and would probably require a hard to design study.

 

This all sounds to me like you don't know what you want to do with your life. You have no goals and no ideas so now you start to hijack yourself as a punishment of some sort.

I don't suggest to go to a therapist. I say start writing a diary and start figuring out what you want to do with your life. Also why you hate your life so much now (besides your porn)?

Figure it out, forgive yourself for what you did, forgive other that you hold anything against, stop blaming anyone and yourself and work towards your goals. You will be amazed about how quickly your little addiction will fade.

 

Hope you are doing better now, not sure where you are at with this. Thanks for sharing your story, takes a lot of courage to do so. For me the escalation was very similar. The difference is that I have had experience with women and have managed to be in relationships during the addiction. It started with vanilla, then my brain got bored and wanted a shock factor for more dopamine, then I escalated my behavior along with the content. This happened during lonely points in my life and periods of great stress. In hindsight isolation habits and my ability to deal with emotions is what led me there. Gaming, YouTube binges and PMO is essentially what leads you down a path lacking emotion, discipline and equilibrium. Limit those avoidance behaviors and face your emotions, cry, laugh, dance, move, scream, hit the gym or bags, who cares what anyone thinks. Most importantly socialize as awkward and horrible as it is, you only get better with practice. No one will remember how awkward you were to begin with. Sex with women is completely different and it will take you a long long time to adjust and start to enjoy it/learn it.

Everyone has their way of finding their sexuality, I was the same when I was young and felt more guilt. Looking back at things, we are all finding ourselves and shouldn't feel so guilty about sexual experiences. I knew people that experimented when young and it led to them seeking certain paths whether married with kids or not. The issue is the addiction leading from content to behavior. How real is this and is it just a fantasy. Speak to a counsellor or several if possible. It seems you need to take a break from it to figure that out. When I took a break from it, I noticed I was not inclined to act out or even want to indulge in watching it. I felt sick watching it (sissy/trans/etc) and then I eventually gave into it again after time. For me, sporadic fantasies and memories can initiate the addiction so dealing with those should be top priority. This is the addiction speaking. If you deal with those little thoughts, you deal with the addiction. Interrupt the thought by going outside, cold shower, play guitar, dance to music, anything to put a wedge in between you and the thought. It will take as little as 30 seconds and will be hard, it may also recur again. The more you practice the stronger your willpower will get. If you find that after no PMO for a long time, say 6 months and you are attracted to 'x' then don't be hard on yourself, just have fun. You might feel that it is or isn't for you, at a certain time in your life and you may feel different when you get older. Its your path and no one else's. I'd say at this stage you need to compare your experience with women. I think you will feel the embrace of a woman to be entirely different in a good way. The addictive behaviors at this stage is limiting you but go out and talk to them, have female friends and go on dates. Look like a complete idiot, who cares. We have all been there before.

The fact you did one month clean and hit the gym is amazing to me and quite inspirational. I have never done a month clean so that's good. If you do say 3 days a week without PMO and practice interrupting those thoughts, you will do 156 days clean per year. Pretty decent and you will get stronger. A therapist/counsellor can help you with a plan for those thoughts. Hope you are well and are slowing sorting things out.