Sleeper, awake!

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. Eugene17

    Eugene17 Fapstronaut

    12
    11
    3
    Today I begin anew to awake from the sleepy, hypnotic state of porn addiction. The escape from anxiety and conflict that porn offers has put me in a state of numbness. I was trapped in a dream of repeated moments of exhilaration, staring at a screen and leaving real world with wither.

    Ephesians 5:14 says,
    "Sleeper, awake!
    Rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you."

    The porn jokes of late night television assured me that all men do it and do it often. I lied to myself and said, "I am normal." Then a few weeks ago I told a friend about my daily use of porn and he said he would look maybe once a month out of spite and horny-ness for not getting sex from his wife. My faith has suffered. The still small voice of God in my daily life was drowned out by the barrage of scenes on my computer screen.

    Sleeper, awake!

    I wanted to start my journey to no PMO a few weeks ago. That lasted 4 days and then I was so disheartened that I didn't come back for over a week. I didn't like the real world. To wake up from my addiction meant being open to emotions that I didn't want. I FEAR conflict and that fear triggers a desire (that feels like a need) to view porn. I am getting the support I need to deal with FEAR in therapy, but I need this community to support me in my letting go of porn.

    It is a beautiful morning and I am glad to be awake.
     
  2. Painlich

    Painlich Fapstronaut

    498
    55
    28
    You can do it!
    Focus on god. He will give you the strenght to overcome. His power is within you.
    I have found that this site is a good opportunity to help me focus on my goals.
     
  3. Timeon

    Timeon Fapstronaut

    44
    57
    18
    Thanks for sharing. You have come to the right place. All of us here are in this journey together.
    I agree about how this world views PM as normal. That is why God says, "Don't conform to this world, but be transformed..." When the subject of sex comes up, the church shames it, the world perverts it, but God created it to be beautiful.
    Even king David, although he lusted over a married woman, and then killed the man who was loyal to him to hide his sin and get the woman, he was still a "man of God's own heart." Know that God's love you.
     
    ProdigalSon74 likes this.
  4. Eugene17

    Eugene17 Fapstronaut

    12
    11
    3
     
  5. Eugene17

    Eugene17 Fapstronaut

    12
    11
    3
    I appreciate your support. It is nice to see that 20 days is a possible.
     
  6. Eugene17

    Eugene17 Fapstronaut

    12
    11
    3
    I am glad I have found this place. I look forward to encourage others and getting the support I need. God works through people like you.
     
    ProdigalSon74 likes this.
  7. Eugene17

    Eugene17 Fapstronaut

    12
    11
    3
    A part of healing is letting go of porn and then holding onto God. Unfortunately, porn has dampened my sense of
    God's presence in my life. I had a meaningful prayer life before internet porn. I remember when it would take 3-5 seconds for a porn picture to show on the screen. It was easier to sit in silence and pray, to read scripture and seek God's guidance and love when porn took so long. I don't blame internet speeds or the porn industry, I always had the option of staying away from porn sites. Stress, anxiety, and fear have left me overwhelmed. Prayer, scripture, and the Christian community were my source of hope and strength. But over the years, the instant gratification of the porn high stole my focus on God. Instead of receiving hope and strength, I discovered escape, detachment of my true emotions, and self absorption. God and faith were present, but at a muted level compared to porn. Hope and strength in God require discipline. I slowly let my commitment to family, faith, and self diminish and was rewarded with a detachment from my feelings. I would judge people that spent hours on candy crush as they escaped life. I would then leave life for hours watching porn, occasionally noticing the wincing faces of the women on the screen that showed how they really felt.

    God is good. God brought me to a therapist that has guided me to this moment. A moment that I admit my true desire is to draw close to God. A moment where I choose to be disciplined, so that I once again receive hope and strength over escape. A moment where I join a community that supports one another in the journey from hypnotic sleeplessness to a fully awake life.
     
    ProdigalSon74 likes this.
  8. Fanchman

    Fanchman Fapstronaut

    246
    226
    43
    So true, how porn numbs our emotions and dampens our faith.
    The real draw is this apparent "instant gratification", but then leaves you empty afterwards!
    It's powerful, because it is a natural desire in us to have sex with a woman, and like Timeon says, it can be quite beautiful if in the context of God's design, but we've perverted it.
    Glad to have you on this forum, brother!
     
    ProdigalSon74 likes this.
  9. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    I know what it’s like to be pulled away from the rest of the world when watching porn. Years can go by before you realize that you’ve missed so much opportunity to do more with your life.
     
  10. Fanchman

    Fanchman Fapstronaut

    246
    226
    43
    Amen to that, Prodigal. Remember those words the next time you feel like going to PMO!
     
  11. Keep on talking with the Holy Spirit. He was always waiting for you.
    Talk and share all your pain, regrets, disappointments, losses with Him.
    He is able to restore your spirit and make it light, sensitive and peaceful again.
     

Share This Page