Small Pen*s Club - (males, females and non-binary welcome)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by +TenPercent, Feb 3, 2021.

  1. Also, not unrelated, when I'm struggling with cuckold fantasies, I am more easily triggered by the size of my penis. It'll often shrink to about an inch when I'm flaccid which, of course, feels really small. And, my testicles are really small . . . sometimes I am tempted to edge to get them to swell, but then seeing the size of my erect penis is an even bigger trigger!

    I know there are endless statistics out there saying that penis size doesn't really vary that much. Maybe that is true to an extent for guys who are close to average, but at my size (4 1/2 inches), I can say for certain that there are a lot of guys out there who are twice as big as me!! (No, not a lot of guys who are 9 inches long, but even a solid 6 inches is about twice as much if the guy has a thick penis. I have definitely seen plenty of guys at the gym who are easily twice as large, and one of my exes described some much larger penises.
     
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  2. There is more truth in that than I would like to admit, but . . .
    It is critical that we face the truth! As addicts, we need to live in reality.
    There are many truths for me to face, including:
    • Just seeing a large penis will be more exciting for a woman than looking at a little one
    • A large penis can give more pleasure (like, hitting the "A-spot" than a small one
    • A woman who has experienced a much larger penis, or has had experience with a lot of men, will notice (or not even notice) the feel of a small penis
    • I am attracted to more experienced women / women who give off more sexual energy
    • I have been cuckolded before, by several partners, and will likely be again
    • One of my first girlfriends only let me give her oral, and she probably did have sex with other men during that time - I got really upset that she wouldn't have sex with me (and that she never gave me oral) yet, deep down, I had to admit that I loved giving her oral and it felt good to give her so much pleasure.
    • I have always been inclined to give women pleasure with my mouth and hands when making love. It comforts me to give them an orgasm first, that way I don't feel like I have disappointed them by having sex until I orgasm and then leaving them unsatisfied.:oops:
    And . . . I struggle with premature ejaculation as well. If being small doesn't ruin a woman's sexual experience, lasting 15 seconds will!
     
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2021
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  3. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

    Wdym? You don't want to get rid off this fetish bro?
     
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  4. I’ve been struggling to get rid of this fetish for years, well over a decade!
    Even still, during that time I had one gf dump me, have sex with another guy and then get back together with me. Another gf was having sex with her ex boyfriend about once a month.

    it’s not that I’m looking for it, but statistically … the fact that it’s happened before, and with several different women, means there’s a good chance it’ll happen again
     
  5. Sometimes premature ejaculation is a bigger challenge (and trigger!) than having a small penis (and I have often wondered if PE goes hand in hand with being small - kind of like how a clitoris is so sensitive because there are so many nerve endings in a smaller sex organ)
    I can make progress accepting that I have a small penis, but I find that PE is much more mental.
    I am already so nervous and insecure about my size that when I get aroused I suddenly feel like I’m going to cum right away
    sometimes I even ejaculate before even getting an erection - which makes sex and giving pleasure completely impossible! Sometimes it’s almost as if I’m so nervous about my size that I blow my load so they won’t see the size of my erection … as if PE is somehow better than being small :rolleyes:

    The other thought that puts me over the edge, right as I’m trying not to PE is how that’ll just disappoint my partner even worse … and that thought will make me PE!

    Anyone else face similar challenges or have any insights?
     
  6. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

    Shit happened with me twice or thrice before when I was Relapsing, I encountered nude pics and I cum within 5 sec in my pants. I think this is because of Week Pelvic Floor muscles
     
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  7. Holy Mackerel! This thread is really making me count my blessings, Despite having a well... You know... I am glad that I don't have any cuckolding fetishes or premature ejaculation. But this being said I am not perfect either heck I am far from perfect but I am thankful I don't have to deal with any of this, I will pray for those who do struggle with this though.
     
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  8. @+TenPercent Is it okay if I talked to you in private again? I am just dealing with something that is making me insecure and I may be too scared to bring it here.
     
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  9. Sure thing. And I am always glad to hear it when sharing my challenges in this forum is helpful for other people! :)
     
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  10. How was 2021 for you? How did it compare to 2020 or the years before?
    My big awareness this morning is that in 2020 I decided to try masturbating again after a year without porn and within days I was looking at porn again, relapsing on porn for nine months! :eek:
    This year, I again decided it was okay to masturbate sometimes and . . . well, I did, but I really didn't do it that much and I didn't relapse with porn.
    13 unauthorized semi-voluntary releases (i.e. M) (of 25) in 2021 vs 24 (of 42) in 2020, 5 (of 18) in 2019, 40 (of 43) in 2018 and 82 (of 82) in 2017.
    It hasn't been a perfect year but how about that for progress??

    I still get triggered anytime someone (especially women) make a reference to a small dick (usually negative) or a big dick (usually positive), and I struggle to not think about it whenever life leaves me feeling really inadequate. I might struggle with some of that for the rest of my life, but I have support here to help me from turning to PMO which I tend to use in a very self-destructive manner.

    I have also struggled a lot with PE this year. It happens. Then I get really triggered by how inadequate it makes me feel (i.e. I get crazy aroused by it sometimes) which then makes it more likely for the PE to continue to happen. During sex, the thoughts of PE pop into my head right away, which is so triggering that sometimes I will
    ejaculate before I even get a full erection!

    PE and having a small penis kind of go hand in hand in the sense that both leave me feeling sexually inadequate, both are really triggering and both can trigger more PE.

    But, that's life isn't it? Overcoming one challenge leaves you with others to face, or new ones pop up. I am grateful for all the support that I have gotten in the forums and in this thread.

    I wish you all a happy new year and am looking forward to the journey ahead with all of you. :)
     
  11. futuremd99

    futuremd99 Fapstronaut

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    I used to find porn disgusting. I still do. I don't watch any other type other than cuckold pornography. Its mainly because I've always been a masochist and cuckold porn is built on the concept of humiliation. I've never even noticed that I had a small penis until I saw this particular genre of porn. This vice is eating me up from inside and I need to get rid of this for good.
     
  12. 1 year without Porn! :)
    (and a few days)

    Definitely a step in the right direction.
     
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  13. Grateful for this forum. :)
    Whether you PM’d me directly, or posted on this thread (or both!), it has definitely helped me to better understand myself, to accept that I have a small penis and to stay away from porn! :cool:
     
  14. I've been watching sex scenes ever since I was a boy, sex scenes are always intimate, It focused on everything other than the penetration. The backstory, the foreplay and sometimes even the morning after. That was my perception of sex. Two people falling in love and then making love to each other. Because of that for most part of my life I never cared about my 4.5 inch penis. Then I discovered porn 2 years ago, most of the videos focused on penetration and how the having a big penis makes a man superior and a small penis makes a man a cuck. Initially I laughed it off but that stuff started to effect me. I used to look up 'does size matter' and would often find conflicting answer. I'm not sure to this date.

    But what I do know is when 99% women choose mates for themselves, they look at the man's wealth, his physical appearance, his social status, heck maybe even his religion but his penis size is the last thing that matters. Any woman that ditches you because of your penis size should go marry a horse.
     
  15. Not doing so well today. My last relapse with porn was over a year ago and was an image of
    ball slapping
    and … that was the relapse - I did that to myself until I had an O :oops:
    Flash forward a year later and unfortunately I recalled that relapse … with euphoria - and did it again, but without looking at porn.
    now I find myself compulsively wanting to do that, anytime I feel triggered, especially when mistreated by female coworkers and I have relapsed several times by
    slapping myself in the balls until I cum
     
  16. @+TenPercent
    If I am being honest, I am not really doing well either. I didn't relapse or anything like that but I've had bad urges. :(
    The reason for my bad urges was because I saw a woman I found attractive yesterday. I wanted to go up and talk to her but it's the same story as always. Each time I want to try and talk to women I fail because my shyness keeps breaking me. I am generally more introverted and not very outgoing but. I always find that I am ten times more shy around women than men. Around men I tend to be more outgoing and chatty because we can naturally relate and they don't give me the same level of attraction of women. I can't help it at all! I find women attractive but I am often far too shy to talk to them and I am afraid I will end up creeping them out.
     
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  17. I’m really really struggling with masturbation and need more accountability!!

    Over a year without looking at porn, but so easily triggered by women and situations in real life (especially if I feel teased, humiliated or nat taken seriously) or anxiety and my default reaction is to turn inward with fantasy and try to change the way I feel with masturbation :confused:
     
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  18. @+TenPercent Can I be your accountability partner? I am having some issues as well.
     
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  19. Yes. I’ve really appreciated the things you’ve shared. You can post here … or send me a PM.

    I’m definitely open to a female AP as well. I’ve always had good success with female AP - possibly my submissive nature, or maybe I’m just wired to try to not disappoint women (except with my small penis, but that’s hard to control - haha!)

    My check in - doing well today, not too many urges or triggers. I have a female friend in recovery who relapsed recently and now haven’t heard anything - a bit worried and sad about that :(
     
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  20. Today’s check-in. Had sex with my gf which is a really BIG deal. I always feel better after that. Sex is just awkward as an addict and I generally avoid it - in part because I don’t want to use her as a means to “get off”.
    But then I feel tremendous guilt for not satisfying her sexual needs. :(

    This I always feel better after we have sex :cool:

    And then comes the chaser effect and I get hit with really strong urges to masturbate! :eek:
     
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