So....Angry/Sad/Frustrated

Are you talking in terms of decisions generally or something more directly related to sex, porn or masturbation?

 

In previous months, you have spoken of some very specific objectives that you want to attain to. Maybe you have lost focus, or you don't feel any nearer to attaining any of them, or they seem somehow empty ad unfulfilling.

Whatever the case, surely you must feel fantastic to have completely buried your former addiction to porn, plus 10 months since you edged/masturbated. But, I have noticed that you seldom share your good advice on these pages anymore. Is that a conscious decision or a consequence of these unpleasant emotions?

 

Hello, sorry to butt in but I think feeling like that is normal (and somewhat better in my case)

You know, I've decided to commit myself to being celibate. This is one of the few threads where I will post this but I'm a closeted gay. I got addicted to PMO becuase of my loneliness if I must say. Tbh, no childhood friends, or whatsoever. The only ones I could approach are my siblings but we never went far as to talk about personal problems or maybe it's just my fear of opening up to them. Everyday I would attempt to masturbate and watch porn to get over with my boredom. It has been like that for about 5 years. I guess that's being a teenager.

Before, to a point when I haven't discovered masturbation yet, I was taught that masturbation is a sin because of religious beliefs. Through the years it changed and came to accept it as normal. But something wasn't right. Why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel corrupted? Why do I feel dirty everytime I hold my own semen? It was like, I could have done better things than that. This is wrong man. Myself is telling me to change. 2013-2014 was my resolution and the year of change. Since I love online games(talking about MMORPGs here),luckily I was able to find online friends and somehow talk about things I couldn't share irl. Didn't tell about our real names tho. I can definitely say it saved me from being friendless. It encouraged me to change and live a more clean lifestyle. However, things changed when mom sold our PC and it's nearing one year since I left them.

It's also because of my dreams that I decided to change. I want to live that dream without ever wasting time doing nonsense crap like PMO. I wonder, if I were a straight man, could I have not worried about my sexuality and have kids instead and live my dreams too? I just don't want to be like those flirty people doing dirty things and has sex as their motivation >.>

Today marks my 70th day and surpisingly, my first wetdream this 2015. I didn't log in here for so long but I will not forget about this forum and to that guy who helped me. (IGY ^_^) The irony is that I dreamed about masturbating in the bathroom and I felt guilty doing that. I woke up it was just a dream and my pants is wet. I guess it reminded me of how I will feel if I masturbate again xD

I plan to do this forever. I'm happy with having wetdreams as a source of letting go if my body has too much semen already. I guess I just have to battle chaser effect.

Last, it was also loneliness that encouraged me to change

Thank you and that's such an inspiring achievement you have there~


Edit:
Failed to win my battle with chaser effect. I will do my best next time
As usual, after M-ing, I felt this regret and guilt again. Will stick to my guns.

 

Dude, I know pretty much what you're talking about. For the last couple of months, I'm just feeling the same way you are. Just confused as to why I'm not progressing, no motivation, depressed....just so much at once. Too many personal and emotional problems going on. I was doing pretty with myself before, but now....I don't know how to describe it. Relapse after relapse. I think it may be a phase you and I are going through man. I don't think this will last forever. Sooner or later something will happen.

 

Well, you have never been here to get girls, cure sexual dysfunction or improve your marriage and you have never cared about confidence or super powers. So, the fact that you are "finding it increasingly difficult to relate to the vast majority here" is a great concern. Are you also feeling a disconnect in other aspects of your life, especially those that require interaction with others?

What are the big, heavy challenges you now have?

 

I don't know what to say MW. It's not like you to be lacking focus or motivation.

Although you have outlined some basic emotions, your post is rather vague. You have given no indication of your situation- which may hold the answers to why you feel this way. In this sense, there is not much advice we can give, other than to offer empathy over your current emotional state. I encourage you to be more specific as to the details of your situation in this thread. If not, feel free to PM me if you wish.

Regards

 

If you suck at stuff, then I think this is the perfect opportunity to get better at those stuff.

I don't know your situation completely, man. Were the challenges that you're facing now in your life before you decided to quit PMO? Or are these recent challenges in your life?

 

Hi MW

A few things spring to mind from your post. Firstly, I have picked up from your previous posts that you have a great sense of humility, and you use that humility in your personality to improve yourself. I'm the same. And while humility can be good, as one always desires improvement, it can also be detrimental. Putting yourself down in order to improve yourself can backfire, and make you angry and frustrated that you are not where you want to be in life, or that you feel you're not progressing fast enough.

You've given some examples of your frustrations, and I'd say for the most part, you don't need to worry that you're not the best at everything you're doing. You're still only 20, and it takes time to be good at anything. The problem with anything today is- because people have raised the bar so high, to be the best at something, you need to dedicate your whole life to it. While being the best at something is all very well, we need variation in our lives- we don't want to be stuck doing the same thing our whole life, even if we are the best at it.

For example, I rock climb, I play guitar, I work out, and I study. While I'm not amazing at any of those things, I've gotten pretty good at each of them by devoting time into them. I'd rather have variation in my life and only be okay, than being really good at just one thing. Lifting and apprentice plumbing both take a lot of time and effort/ dedication to become good at. It's too much to expect that you have to be really good at either of them right now, when you've had retrospectively little time to dedicate to them. My impression is that you are really much better at those tings than you give yourself credit for. At some point you must turn your humility into pride, that you are improving your lifting, or working towards being a professional plumber, if you enjoy doing them that is.


In the mean time- while you're building towards your 5 year goals, you've got to commit your very being to succeeding in those goals. A video comes to mind as you say you don't have natural talent. Fuck talent. If you want to achieve something, you need to put in the effort. Talent is helpful sure, but it's not necessary in order to succeed in your goals. You just have to be willing to put in the effort.

Here is the video(skip the first minute from the marketing stuff): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThkCS-lc06k

"Get your grind on", and commit yourself to making those 5 year goals a reality, instead of casually waiting for the time to roll around.

Also, is living at home an issue for you?

Regards
NoBrainer

 

I can relate...for me its iam sad iam not feeling connected to other people even if i really want to make friends.Iam sad i cant make em and iam frustrated that i have a hard time feeling joy without my ex-girlfriend.

 

MelancholyWeightLifter: I recall you were speaking about your gains regarding weight lifting and training. That you have attended several competitions? That is a huge accomplishment. Sucks your friends moved man. Any chance to meet new ones at the gym you go to? Or meet up with people from the weight training competitions?

With regards to you having no natural talent. Fck that. You didn't get chosen for it, big deal. You know that in reality it doesn't matter because if "inspiration" is natural talent in this quote then it doesn't matter man. "Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration". Keep working on it then keep working on it.

I am sometimes through the days in a similar boat as you though...I don't post about triggers much anymore and not watching porn is not a big deal anymore. I recall a few weeks ago I was like "huh... maybe I should just leave here, I don't belong. all I am doing is taking up space" BUT honestly, I've seen a trend of many guys going beyond just talking about porn/sex/girls. Shit some even share what they are studying or accomplish and go in detail. So really, my advice is to open up here a little more so we can maybe help you a little more with stuff beyond just PMO/Sex.

 

Indeed, loving the grind is a way to become content with life, as well as to achieve great things. It is interesting to hear that you dread days at the moment. Perhaps you are just going through a rough patch, though it's unlikely that boredom in the only cause. It sucks that your friends have left, though you can still keep in contact, and perhaps this is an opportunity to network and find some new people to hang out with. Generally though, from your previous posts- it sounded like you work really hard on your interests already. eg. "I'm doing this because it's hard" and that you were doing really well with your lifting.

As for living at home- I'm in the same boat. Renting where I live is bloody expensive, and I don't have a reliable job to pay for rent, so I'm still at home. At least being at home is a good opportunity to spend time with your parents. That time with them won't last forever...

Also, 10 months hard mode is EPIC man!

 

Remember bud, success is a crazy upward/downward slope. I completely get not enjoying your job. Same boat. I also have many acquaintances very few close friends.

 

Right.

- vM