so close to fapping but I resisted

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ryuk200, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    It seems that no matter how disciplined I start off anything can trigger thoughts that used to arouse me and lead me to a heavy pmo. Today I was feeling a little lonely and slightly depressed, its withdrawal symptoms for sure. Not to mentioned my 6 month+ dry spell... I spent my whole sunday being unproductive, I kept imagining scenes from that wet dream this morning and I tried to recreate it and take a nap so I can finish off what wasn't finished. But that failed. Looking for a fix I went youtube just to look at videos which I shouldn't be watching before I took a nap, I know I was asking for trouble. This evidently lead me to be even more horny throughout the day. I dragged myself out of my slumber feeling silly about the whole situation and wanted to throw out the trash, but when I went outside to take out the trash I noticed a slightly curvy women standing next to a van, she couldn't see me but I stood outsides longer than I planned just to observe her, I felt like such a creepy bastard. I dont think I wouldve behaved this way udner any normal circumstances. I feel like a teenager again, this chick wasn't even all that hot, I didn't have a boner either from all that wasted edged before.

    I don't know what has come over me but I took a cold shower and told myself to snap out of it, I hope this isn't the beggining to something horrible. Last thing I want is to do is to go back to pmo. A relapse feels like its just around the corner. But thats not what I want.
     
  2. mamfred123

    mamfred123 New Fapstronaut

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    Ryuk200 stay on your path! you can do it.
     
  3. Eagle15

    Eagle15 Fapstronaut

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    You can do it, I just blew it because of the LPGA:)
     
  4. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    This is why it's important to have a plan for weekends. It's a very slippery road once you decided to go on youtube. Youtube is the gateway for porn. Even when you quit, the residual effect will stay long after. Learn from this near fall and don't repeat the same in the future. Good luck!
     
    Eagle15 likes this.
  5. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    I feel sick man, infact its been like this the whole week and I still feel it now. I have a persistent cough and dry throat, tension in jaw, throat and ears. I have a lack of appetite and stomach feels weird. Not to mention the overall weakness and fatigue I've had all week. I don't know if I should see or doctor or just see if this is a result of nofap and just wait for it to go away. Its driving me crazy.
     
  6. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    I agree everyone, it was way to close for comfort. I would've went for a brisk walk or something had I not been sick the past few days. I feel like shit.
     
  7. Eagle15

    Eagle15 Fapstronaut

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    I find that when I don't feel well like this morning, the gates open up. I think we want our dopamine drug. It's A bad drug because now I'm not enjoying my day. I feel like I stole something that wasn't mine. Which is what we do when we lust. So while I relapsed I learned another important lesson about lust and sin. Good job Ryuk!! You are an inspiration.
     

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