So depressed for what I did.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ARL1989, Nov 27, 2019.

  1. ARL1989

    ARL1989 Fapstronaut

    I am so depressed today, I am so sorry for what I did, I wish I could take back the last 18 months of destruction and replace it with all the love and care I do have for my partner. I was so blinded by the addiction that I pushed the 1 person so far that I feel like he has given up on me.
    I don't know how to respond to the hurt he tells me I caused him, I don't know how to fix what I did but to show him that I will give up porn, I will work on myself.
    I wish it was easy for him to believe me, for him to not hurt, how do I fix a broken man? A man who I broke.
    I am really sorry. I really really regret what I did. I don't want to lose him. #VeryDepressed
     
  2. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Well this is an addiction, not simply a bad habit, which means that its not a simple decision to stop doing something we probably shouldn't have been doing. But at the same time, we need to remember that the pain felt by our significant others is well beyond anything we addicts will probably ever experience. Some people try hard, genuinely, and win back the people they hurt, and others don't. Its going to be hard to really accept, but right now (at least in my opinion) the number one thing you need to focus on is your own recovery from this addiction, NOT getting your partner back. He may be done with you for good, and if he is, he is. But what is more important that getting him back, at least for right now, is you starting the journey to recovery from this addiction. And for me, that meant that I got to a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting every week, I got a sponsor from that meeting, and I call him daily to talk about daily struggles, not just addiction related, but anger, depression, stuff at work, family drama, or whatever. My sponsor helps me work the 12 steps of SA and THAT is what helps me stay sexually sober so my wife can rest assured that I'm in recovery. There will be relapses, but the focus for us SA members is progressive victory over lust.

    Reach out to any of us on here as we are always willing to help with advice in any way we possibly can!

    I wish you the very best of luck!
     
    ARL1989, Buddhabro and Chipbiggens like this.
  3. skullbush

    skullbush Fapstronaut

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    Live in the now, accept what you've done and move on. Absolutely no point living in the past.
     
  4. Chipbiggens

    Chipbiggens Fapstronaut

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    say how you feel, say you will not stop trying if there's a chance, prove you will not stop trying for example the sexhollic anymus meetings but im not sure what you did so myabe thats not the right thing but you get the example. say you wont stop trying if there a chance, and what your going to do to try. or else do what skullbush said. no point hanging on to the past let it go and move forward
     
    ARL1989 likes this.
  5. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Personally, I highly recommend telling him that you will recover, and you will beat this addiction regardless of whether a chance remains at the two of you maintaining a relationship.
     
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  6. Chipbiggens

    Chipbiggens Fapstronaut

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    yea this is ultimately better, i just got the sense that's how op would feel.
     
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