So, I just had my last fap.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Boxxy, Jul 1, 2020.

  1. Boxxy

    Boxxy New Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I'm David, 24, I'm a porn addict and I'm current living with my girlfriend, working a 9 to 5 job as a train attendant, and on my spare time when I'm not gaming or binging Netflix episodes, I usually binge watch pornography online.

    May it be at the privacy of my home or the bathroom at my workplace, or even the bathroom of my own apartment, what started off as the pretty timid choice of whether to scroll up to any porn streaming website and cautiously satisfy my obsessive need for escapism based relief from my harsh, abusive relationship with my dad as a young child, soon became a insatiable ghoul, always hungry, never satisfied, with no care to the where when and how's.

    It started off innocently enough, you see, I've had a computer since I was 6 years old, so I practically grew up and formed as a person on the internet, one day, around the age of 10, my dad downloaded couple of "movies" on the old timey software that at the time was called e-mule, it was a peer based torrent sort of program, my dad ordered me not to touch the files he downloaded, so naturally as a child, I was inclined to immediately open those files, a decision that would grow into a diabilitating, sordid regret.

    Time-skip 14 years into the future, here I am, sitting naked in my bathub as a stream of hot water gushes above me, holding my hands out between the shower curtains, holding my smartphone and typing these words, prior to that I've had my last fap to internet porn, I have decided to choose life, my actions have been stopping me from growing as a person for too long, they've been hurting me, they've been hurting my darling girlfriend, they've been putting this heartbreaking distance between me and my family and I do not want this to be a part of me anymore, it has been my motivator for life for far too long, taking so much from me, while giving nothing but a hollowed out, venomous dopamine rush.

    I will not let it overcome me again, I want to live, I want to feel again, truly feel, I want to look strangers in the eyes with tranquil confidence, I want to form real bonds, I want to see the beauty in people again, I want to see the beauty of our chaotic, breathtaking planet and I want to use this gift of life I've been given to be more than just a casualty of corporate greed and cultural degeneracy.

    I've been lurking around these forums a lot, never posting a thing, I've been watching motivational videos on YouTube, I've been reading articles, I've been reading books about the science of addiction and pornography, buy none of it never stopped me from jerking off the same day, or a couple of days later when I succumbed to my demons, this habit, ingrained in my neural pathways after so many years of abuse will not be the death of me, and it should not be the death of you, I will not consume pornography again, and I believe you can stop too, I know it's easier said than done, but if humanity has ever proven anything is that nothing is impossible, we as a species has had equally incredible and awful feats, beyond all scales of imagination, I will choose my place on the spectrum, I will be an advocate for change, we all have a choice to make, and I have made mine, let's live again.
     
  2. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Fapstronaut

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