So I just relapsed today...For the bazillion time.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Raptor Jesus, Jul 4, 2017.

  1. Raptor Jesus

    Raptor Jesus Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys,

    I just relapsed a couple of minutes ago and I'm really tired of this shit.
    I know all the benefits that Nofap is supposed to give me, but as I fail time and time again to improve and get porn-free, I just keep on failing and relapsing every time I encounter an urge.

    The longest I have been porn-free is 1 month, and I relapsed so hard, I'm still not sure if I can make it through the 3 months Porn and/or fap-free.

    I don't necessarely have a lot of things to motivate me though. I'm not single, with a really cute woman, I have a job I like (student but working as a trainee), I have a few friends I go out with, I party often, etc... I don't feel like Nofap can necessarely bring anything new to the table, even though it should. I noticed however that I can last a little bit more than I used to (about a week or so without porn), but after a while, I almost always encounter a triggering phase or event, in which I completely lose my focus and relapse like a motherfucker...

    When it comes to porn, it's a real struggle. I just enjoy it way too much. When I'm porn-free for a few days, I don't really feel any sign of withdrawal (those happen only after a few weeks), but when I relapse I can feel my brain going crazy, it feels good and terrifying at the same time, it feels like I can't get out of my loop.

    I want to get out of my addiction, it's just that it feels so pointless after a while. Why would I want to get out of porn and meet new people, when I have a gf I love, friends I like, and a job that pushes me forward ?... I know now, that my porn consumption is the origin of my lowered motivation, sleep-problems, and low-key depression, and falling in it again doesn't help me go through the tough times without urges and anxiety.

    I think I need help, I just don't know what to do. I've done a tone of research on bio-chemistry, neurology and sociology for an essay on porn-addiction I'm doing for my school, so I'm well aware of all the benefits being porn-free can create. I feel lost man...

    I'm reseting my counter, for the 100th time. Doesn't feel like a big deal anymore.
     
    Flyhigh likes this.
  2. NotSoAverageJoe

    NotSoAverageJoe Fapstronaut

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    Look into your past and find the trauma which caused the addiction to occuin the first place. Focus on healing the trauma, there is a pain inside you that you escape from with porn.

    Go see a therapist if you have to.

    Every single addiction is an escape from pai.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  3. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    I've just reached out to try to get some translation for this. I've been working the 12 steps. The 12 steps might not be for you, particularly if you are an athiest. Specifically, the concept behind the 6th step ( Step 6:Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.) is where you and I may be at. Trying to speak neutrally, we're not ready to give up the defects, in this case Porn addiction. I've reached out to try to find some secular resources, as I just don't know any yet. But I'll get back to you.
     
  4. Tsiolkovsky

    Tsiolkovsky Fapstronaut

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    I'm sure you could find things to motivate you if you look well enough and review them often enough. For instance, relapsing makes quitting harder the next time around. And even if you're content with life, why not aim to make it better? You yourself acknowledged the fact that being porn free is something that would improve your life. Don't settle for contentment.

    Being porn free could give you an advantage or edge among competition in your work environment. You could bring your GF in on it and have her support you, making your relationship stronger. If those don't appeal or work then perhaps making relapsing a more horrible experience may work for motivation instead. Of course I'm not going to advocate you go to more hardcore stuff or anything of that matter. No, instead get an accountability partner who you must confess to and who holds expectations for you.

    Your GF could act as one, and to make it more mortifying you'd have to tell her when, what to, and what you felt was best about it. That or record yourself doing the act, unless that's erotic for you, in which case you should probably avoid it. If shame and embarrassment doesn't work there's always material loss. You could donate to NoFap for each time during your relapse. Or view it from a harsh top down angle. "You can't last a month without touching yourself to pictures of women? Pathetic."

    Really, figuring yourself out and what works is a process by which you need to actively take a part in, in order for it to bring results. Looking where you falter, why, how to avoid or conquer it etc is a necessary step as long as you don't give up.

    Edit: Thought I'd add since I just considered it. These are just means to stay motivated and not to relapse. There's more to the reboot process and it's more of a lifestyle change than anything so viewing it like that I think will help you better in the long run.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2017
  5. YngwieWanksteen

    YngwieWanksteen Fapstronaut

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    I think the benefit could be that you'll have exactly the same things in life, but you'll realize... Well, realize is the wrong word, because I don't know how to describe it as though it just dawns on you. You'll be more happy with exactly the same stuff in your life. It seems unimaginable, especially for our minds which can be very materialistic. After all it's like "I have the same amount of friends, same GF, same job, same pay, etc", math and physics would seem to indicate nothing has changed, why would you be happier? But you would!

    I was thinking about an analogy the other day. You have two engines, one takes 10L to go 100KM while the other one takes 5L to go 100KM. Which is the better engine? You'd probably say the 5L. Now one person needs $10,000 to be happy while another needs $5,000 to be happy. Some people would say the $5K guy is an idiot, but quitting porn is like turning yourself from the $10K guy into the $5K guy. You think you have $7.5K right now, but give up that $2.5K of porn and you'll think you have $10K!

    You can't buy this stuff!
     
  6. Raptor Jesus

    Raptor Jesus Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the pieces of advice people, it really helps.

    As most of you said, I'm just doing the journey without goal or wish to achieve anything more than stop porn. This might be the reason I struggle so much. I honestly don't think my addiction is the result of a trauma or anything, I had a pretty calm and undisturbed childhood. It might just be some sort of coping mechanism as I started porn pretty early (11-12 years old).

    I told my gf about it a while ago, she's pretty supportive, but despises porn in every way, making me even more ashamed every time. Thing is, the shame just keeps me in the dirt and it gives me more reasons to consume porn as I don't feel any improvements... The circle of addiction in a nutshell.

    Thanks again guys.
     
    unchained89 and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.

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