Today is 1 year since DDay when I found out about the PA. I had found out that he was watching P 7 months prior to that (on Thanksgiving) but July 1 was the day I found out it was a PA that had spanned our entire 16 years together. This man that I was married to wasn't who I thought he was. It was quite the blow because of all the lies. And the 7 months prior when I thought we were on the same page, but he was just filling that time with Psubs instead. It has been devastating to say the least. The few months right after, I was hurt and mad, but I felt with the truth out we could connect and we were really connected for a few months, it was great. Then he started disclosing more of how he really was all those years, and that hurt a lot to hear his words. I wanted the truth, but it still hurt. Then there were a few more lies after that (not PA related) and that further eroded the trust. We've had ups and downs since then but overall I feel like things are worse. He's better, he's doing great, but I mean that I am worse. I feel worse about myself. There are constant reminders and triggers everywhere, even in my own home, all the time. It is overwhelming and exhausting and I feel like I never get a break from it. I break down about things (non us/PA related) that I previously could have handled with no problem. It is just that the center of my world blew up and I haven't been able to get a handle on anything ever since that day. The one person that I thought had my back and that I could trust is the one that shattered my world and that just doesn't go away easily. Maybe I should be farther along at this point, especially with him not having any relapses or urges for P, but I'm not. Just thought I'd post an update. I have been reading here a lot lately but just not posting.