So lonely

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by pavloo91, Dec 4, 2016.

  1. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    I am on day 48 hard mode.
    I have just returned from a family gathering and now I am sitting in my room and cry.
    I am so lonely. I feel like i don't belong. I can't get involved in discussions, I don't know what to say, everybody is interested in wordly stuff and I am not. I feel empty. people are laughing hard and I laugh just because everybody is laughing. I feel uninteresting, the black sheep of the family, no interesting stories, uninteresting past. I was always the nice boy at school, guess I was afraid to do what I really wanted and so always followed the fucking rules. Now I feel bland.
    I don't know what to do with my life. i just go to work translate 8 h a day at a computer,come home, eat and go train krav maga (monday to thursday) or sit at home or go out alone somewhere (on weekends). weekends are the worst.
    Is this normal? what do you say?
     
  2. the crow

    the crow Guest

    Normal is whatever you are used to. To me, Krav Maga is not normal. But it's a great thing to become interested in.
    For me, Ki-Aikido is normal. Also a great thing to become interested in, except for the flakes it seems to attract.

    You're who and what you are. That's normal. Only thing you're missing is discovering every facet of who and what you are.
    Making comparisons is the reason for this lack.
    Are you good enough?
    Only you can know.
     
  3. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Ok, let me rephrase the question: is is normal that at that stage of nofap I feel how I feel, has anyone experienced sucha thing will it subside?
     
  4. the crow

    the crow Guest

    Let me rephrase my response:
    The idea of 'normal' is meaningless. A useless comparison with what?
    Things are whatever they are, and no two things are exactly alike.
    Treat everything that arises as unique and different. See it for what it is, without making comparisons.
    Things get a whole lot easier to deal with, once you stop overlaying them with what they are not.
     
  5. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Most people pretend to have fun. I doubt they're actually having fun and even if they are it's all right.
    i would also feel out of place. happened during the football worldcup where everyone was discussing games and players n i couldnt care.

    it's all right. if you just laugh because everybody is laughing then maybe you need a friend who gets along with you. i wouldnt suggest to feign joy or pretend to have fun. I like to be alone n often do gardening or read a book. it doesnt give me 'the adrenaline rush' but i like watching the plant grow.

    This is a great thing. you're strengthening your roots. i had an opportunity to work like this but i left it cause i wanted to have fun. and now i have no job, no friends, and tons of regret.

    i've started running daily for exercise and i wish i had done this earlier.

    its great that you're working hard and are working out. you are on your ladder to success. forget about all those people who laugh and joy. i say this from experience.
    empty vessels make more noise
    still waters run deep

    Not patronizing but you are not normal. you're far superior than that. i doubt any of your joyful cousins can do training as hard as you.
     
  6. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    I just want to be happy. and now i feel like my life isnt and will not go anywhere. im in a fucking rut and i dont know what to do about it. where to start. i want to live my life to the fullest and yet i do the same fucking thing over and over again. i dont know where to start tochange it. its SO fruustrating.
    And because of the frustration i cant make friends because who wants a frustrated friend?
     
  7. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    maybe you could start befriending someone at the training venue.
     
  8. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    It's that I have some friends (more like acquaintances) at the training venue, but I pretend in front of them because if I didn't, they would not want to talk to me as I would be frustrated, etc. And still, I am frustrated that I cannot show myself as I really am because I would be bitter and frustrated and shit. Oftentimes I feel that I am not myself. That I am myself only at home, where I scream, shout, cry, beat my pillow, etc. and that I have to pretend elsewhere that I am nice, easy-going and what not. Mr fucking Nice Guy. I can't help it though.
    I'm not gonna relapse or anything but this shit is literally killing me.
     
  9. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    It's nice to be a Mr. Nice Guy. there was a time when i would angry quickly and would shout at anyone who unknowingly pushed me on the street or if anyone jumped the queue.
    i was very unhappy then.

    i've met with nice people and they are the happiest. once i got into a cab and at that instant a bus came. i wanted to go in the bus. the cab driver let me get out of the cab. had it been some angry cab driver he would've said to pay the minimum fare since i did sit in the cab.

    everyone is different which is why its helpful to be in a group. in my earlier group of friends, one fellow was entertaining with his jokes and he'd always make plans for trips.
    other fellow was serious but he was protective of us.
    then there was one who was into making a muscular body, and very shy in public. that never bothered us.
    one fellow was good in talking with girls but he was also trustworthy.

    individually we'd get bored if it was a one on one conversation, but as a group we would have a good time.

    if you are easy going when in public, it's all right. we're not super heroes.

    you dont have to entertain your acquaintances at the venue. just share your story, listen to theirs. like i have grown some plants. my friend is about to get married so we exchanged pictures.

    joy doesnt mean laughing and giggling all the time. that's exaggerated.
     
  10. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    I know all of this and yet I often feel miserable. I know it but I don't 'feel' it if you know what I mean.
    I don't go out just to hang out with anyone, I am lonely (hence the thread). I don't know how to cope with it. I know that I have to change my attitude but I can't do it. I know that if I lived in the here and now I would be happier and so and yet I still come back to the past or feel miserable about the future (that I will be alone forever). It's a fucking vicious circle.

    Thank you for the replies and support, by the way. I really appreciate it.
     
  11. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    No I should thank you for this thread. i was having strong urges to watch porn. conversing in this thread has helped me.

    actually this is what my friend keeps on telling me. i am always sad and lonely and my friend tries his best to make me forget the misery and think of good days. he suggests me to learn a new language, play table tennis or join a gym.
    but its hard. though i appreciate his efforts very much.

    i do exercise at home each day. it helps a lot. but i wish i had done it earlier.

    one thing that struck me is your regret of working 8 hours a day on computer and living a boring life. you should congratulate yourself that you have a job. i had a similar job but i left it cause i wanted a 'fun' life.

    about you'll always be alone. this could be true but it's all right. i was afraid i'll end up as a virgin till death n lost my virginity in a horrible way. my first kiss is something i'll always regret.

    my one cousin is getting married. it's a love marriage and he's 4 years younger than me. i felt so bad and left out when i found out about his marriage. that i'm lagging so much. but it's all right. i've seen people marry the wrong people and ruin their entire lives. my dad was one such person.

    at times its okay to give yourself a break. like its okay to not be super social.
    in friendship character takes over personality.
     
    Sailor93 likes this.
  12. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    hi pavloo, your life seems pretty normal, and you are actually lucky enough to do krav maga on a regular basis.

    do you think it's possible to make some friends at krav maga?

    have you ever thought of joining a meetup? It's a great way to meet people in a social setting, without any kind of expectations...
     
  13. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Huh, I did not see it coming. Good that I could help you, stay strong!

    the worst part of it all is that I KNOW that I have a good job, I KNOW i am intelligent, I KNOW of my other advantages and YET I feel that I am boring, uninteresting and unworthy. THIS is what depresses me. I cannot GRASP it, you know? Like there is a huge gap between knowing things and feeling them. It is all - I think - about self-esteem, or self-assurance, or whatever you call it. It really gets me down.

    And I know what you feel when you say that you regret not doing it earlier on. I regret not doing many things earlier on, noFap included. But I think, I THINK, they key is to let go of the past (yeah, I know, MUCH EASIER said than done). I am trying to do this all the time.
     
  14. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Dont get me wrong but were you as a child often told that you're not worthy or you're not intelligent.
    i was called idiot, shameless, 'you've got no brains' often when i was a kid. so i was very much dependent on others for assurance.

    like i'd seek assurance from colleagues and seek their praises. i'd do every menial task i was given at work just cause i didnt want to upset anyone.

    its okay to be boring and uninteresting. there are other qualities in life. not everyone has to be funny. some people are good at sports. i dont think messi or roger federer are as funny as jay leno.
    but they're all successful in their own way.

    like i said there are other qualities. a soldier should be more loyal than funny. a doctor must be more intelligent and quick thinker than funny. a grocery store manager must be good at maths. those working for space science stations need to be good at algorithm and science. they dont have to crack jokes at the work.

    but yeah i understand its not easy to grasp. at times its like fighting a big slob of jelly. no matter how hard you punch, it just absorbs and doesnt go away.

    hope you find peace. i myself and struggling with it.
    but dont rush into things. dont hang out if your uncomfortable with the people around. i went to a marriage and felt claustrophobic.

    maybe a solo trip could help. i went for one and that helped me a lot. boosted my confidence. and go to some village. dont go to a fancy trip where you can use your credit card.
     
  15. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

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    Have you consider finding a different job?
     
  16. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Funny that I have been thinking about such a trip for a long time, but I somehow couldn't make myself do it. Go somewhere, no matter where, just for the matter of travelling.
     
  17. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I have. There are times when I actually strongly think about this, but when a depressive mood hits, it's all for nothing. I just can't do it.
     
  18. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    It wouldnt be easy. i cried on my solo trip. at first i puked in the bus and then had to pay too much at the hotel as i didnt know the rate.

    but then i made some good memories. later on in bus, a passenger suggested a cheaper place that was a sikh temple where staying and food was free. that was great experience.
    then i made some friends and i'm still in touch with one of them. so yeah, while i did cry and regret the trip at that time, now when i look back i'm glad i took it.
     
  19. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

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    I am an uninteresting person as well. I am useless. I don't have a job, don't go to school, and i am not in training either.

    I am trying to act cheerful around my friends, yet I am lonely.

    You'll be fine..
    As long as you don't want to stay that way forever.
     
  20. Sailor93

    Sailor93 Fapstronaut

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    People in general these days don't take some time off to think anymore. They work during the day, fill every break with social media nonsense, come home, eat, watch TV and sleep. They are afraid to have a moment where they will be alone with their thoughts. What @recoome says is excellent advise. Take a break from the daily chaos. Go to a nearby nature reserve or a nice little town and take the time to think through everything you have done uptil now, what you are doing and where you want to go. It doesn't need to be a life-changing around the world tour, somewhere where you are alone is fine. And this is certainly not at home, even if you live alone. I have experienced myself that I can't get my head clear at home.

    I once worked as an intern on a job where the colleagues made tons of jokes, on everybody, and I didn't have the wit to reply to these jokes. I felt like I was really boring and that frustrated me. But even though I couldn't respond to their jokes, I got more and more responsibility from them, and at the end of the internship, they asked me if I wouldn't want to work permanently with them after I finished my studies. There was another intern, who could reply to their jokes, but was worthless in his job, and these colleagues treated him rough. Morale of the story: It doesn't matter if you are the funniest, crackiest, brightest. Respect is given to people who are reliable, motivated and hard working. That accounts for colleagues as well as for friends. There might be people who think that being funny will make them popular, but if this guy/girl doesn't get his job done at the end of the day, what is he really worth than, how long will he stay, or be allowed to stay? Being funny leads to being popular, and from a distance that looks awesome, but in the end people know who they will have to go to if the shit hits the fan.

    You train Krav Maga 4 times a week, that's awesome! Keep going!

    The fact that you are doing NoFap shows that you want to improve your life. You are already nearing day 50, which is an incredible feat in itself! I read that you are lonely, but you didn't write anything about the craving to fap, so that's already a strong feature in itself. Congrats on that. Try to work on self-confidence, it seems like you have a lot to be proud about: A stable job, Krav Maga, a degree (I think, as you say you are a translator), etc. Your life doesn't sound uninteresting at all! I know a lot more people who have a much more boring life than you, but only hide that boring life behind a cool wall of social media crap.

    I read that you are a translator, can I ask you which language you are specialised in? And can I also ask if you use Social Media, and to what extend?
     

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