As you can see from the title, this thread is about me as a social anxious person and also a really let"s say like "a person who outbursts when feeling angry or insecure in conflicts." I have anger outbursts since my childhood. I don't want to deep dive in the causes of it (education, growing up in a volient place, got bullied, had a rival person who would regularly fight with me). I just want to say that social anxiety and anger was of the reason why I was motivated and still am to do NoFap (basicially I didn't fap in my childhood). In my early puberty and end of puberty I did regularly PMO and I think this also contributed alot to worsen my social status and increase my anger. Since NoFap, I feel less social anxious (I had different phases where I was apathetic or really open and social friendly). It's more easy to go right to people, look them into their eyes (this is a big improvement) and talk to them. However, I still fear to build up a solid contact since my traumatic experiences in the past. And I think here ends NoFap with its benefits and here starts my self-control where I must go further and solve those blockings by myself. To my anger, I can say that it got less severe and less frequent. With this I mean that I don't lose my mind into a non-controable state where I start to scream and harm others or even myself, I acknowledge growing anger in my head (my head feels heavy) and I leave the situation. In this case I can explain that PMO was numbing my feelings and that means every feeling (even positive feelings). But before my state of mood could return into its origin, my mind got filled firstly with the negative things before my positive ones came back much more later. Filled with negative feelings, I was negatively adjusted. I was feeling irritated, ready to burst out to something/someone. Putting the numbing out of my life I experience a balanced emotional well being now. That means that I still experience negative feelings but they're not alone. My positive ones are also there telling me to keep peaceful. Since a period (4 months), I have unregular streaks. I'm in a huge transition time and focusing on NoFap was really hard because before this period my life had a structure. Now everything feels like it's all over the place. Anyways, I relapsed (PMO) two days ago and before that I fapped here and there (MO). I feel that my social anxiety rised again (not that severe like in the past) and I feel angry and irritated after every relapse. Today, I had a conflict with an older person. It was not a violent fight (forget about the situation). I want to focus on what was going in my body and maybe someone can relate. In the conflict situation, I felt really shaking (I can't tell if the person and the others surrounding us could tell), my voice raised thinner, I began to stutter, my breath got heavy, my heart started to race, some parts of my body started to feel numb (my arms and legs). Not being able to solve the coflinct and cutting the conversation just right here, I felt really dissapointed from myself and I felt really guilty for being a worse person. I returned back to my car and cried. I drove back home and went upstairs fastly in my room and cried maybe like a half hour? I had so many thoughts going in my mind:"Am I the guilty one? Wow what the f*ck did just happen? Why can't I just be a normal person? Why do I act up and cry? Forget it I just want to cry. Why are people so cruel to me? Why didn't I got taught how to properly solve conflict? Oh f*ck it, I got it, I am the guilty person." And the list goes on. I think the main thing I realized when writing these thoughts down that they all have little to no value. Theyre just negative rubbish. I think writing this all down helped me calming down and stopping to cry. I posted this here with the intention that I can talk here my soul out and to see if others experienced the same as me. Feel free to reply.