Social anxiety issues

I used to have social anxiety what really helped me was the fact that not everyone is not going to like you and I like you used to always think about what I could have done better , but do you know why your thinking that? its because your people pleasing trying to get everyone to like you and avoid dislike and rejection something that is IMPOSSIBLE TO DO. You have to form your own individual identity and realise there is no cool lines or witty talk THERE WILL BE PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU AND PEOPLE THAT DISLIKE YOU AND PEOPLE THAT DO LIKE YOU WONT LIKE YOU ALL THE TIME. Its draining to get people to like you one of my favorite things I tell myself now is I AM NOT FOR EVERYONE if someone didn't like what I am doing or saying or even writing or were I am working at how tall i am or how much money I don't have i remind myself I AM ME ,I AM NOT THE RIGHT FIT FOR EVERYBODY. Its a big pressure off my shoulders
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Hmm always putting yourself to a standard leads to freezing up in the moment and people pleasing and trying to think there is a correct answer. My question to you is . why do you feel you have to answer every question? I found most women who like you are very comfortable talking about themsevels think of questions you want to ask them. Don't feel the need to have a correct or witty answer Your YOU , YOU HAVE VALUE TO YOU KNOW and if people don't like you and there will be people like that remember EVERYBODY IS NOT THE RIGHT FIT FOR YOU

 

I used to feel a lot like this too. I know exactly the situation you're describing. I started battling these doubtful thoughts by backfiring myself with a question "Do you want to be like you were before, do you want to feel defeated afterwards?". This always makes me do the thing I'm contemplating on doing. You need to shut down all the other thoughts and just think about how it will make you feel when you actually go through with it. When you are contemplating in a situation, you will know if it's the right thing to do to make you feel good. And it always feels like you have won, like you achieved something. It can be so petty and minor but it's still a battle inside your head. This mentality has actually even sometimes made me overdo things. Like I've done something insignificant but I had to do it in order to "win" myself. Also when you achieve these small victories they lead up to other victories. A good example is when you have a good talk with someone, after it ends and you run into another person, you will also flow in a conversation with that person. It's important to keep things flowing.

 

Your Welcome, I used to try to be a people pleaser myself always trying to think of the right things to say and do and all I got out of it was frustration and overthinking and anxiety what really turned me around was reading a book called NO MORE MR NICE GUY BY DR ROBERT GLOVER he also has a website were you can see what he is all about also another book called NOT NICE BY DR. AZIZ is also good but Dr. Glovers book really opened my eyes to things . Also I quote I remind myself frequently that is helpful is this I AM NOT FOR EVERYONE

 

I used to be painfully shy. You can change.