Social Anxiety, PMO and Nofap

MasterRoshi

MasterRoshi

Fapstronaut
this thread is to discuss how social anxiety plays a role in your PMO addiction and causes relapse.

I found for me that PMO might be causing social anxiety and also social anxiety causes me to relapse.

Please write your experience with this connection and ways that you deal with the social anxiety during reboot.
 
I’ll start this off.

So I was hard mode (no PMO) for 195 days and I felt my social anxiety get better. Not completely gone but I felt like I had more confidence and didn’t care as much if I did or said something stupid.

Here’s what happened: I got a new job because I was able to face the fears and actually show up to a job interview. 2 months into the job I hurt my back and was in bed for about a week. This caused me to relapse with M and O. It then lead to more frequent MO and finally PMO.

Now I’m about 1.5 months into my consistent relapse and I’m having a really really dificult time socializing at work.

What was once easy before my relapse, is now a social nightmare. I have a crush on one of my coworkers and I can barely even talk to her without my mind starting to race saying things like, “she hates me... That was a stupid thing to say...why do I suck so bad at this...we used to hang out, now she never asks me to....I suck.” On and on. Before my relapses I was able to talk to her, crack jokes, be confident, and even start hanging out with her outside of work.

I have also lost confidence in my ability to do a good job at work. Where all of my actions are failure or potential failure. I’m constantly thinking negatively etc... I feel like I’m destined for failure.

So when on my hard mode streak my thinking wasn’t this way. I felt hopeful and confident. I still had lots of anxiety and doubtful thinking but I could see it as a temporary state of mind and brush it off. Now I can’t let it go and it is becoming my identity again.

I am hopefully starting another round of hard mode to see if the social anxiety gets better. I’m on day 2 almost and so we will see.

I first got sober with no real priorities in my life so I could sit at home and do lots of therapeutic stuff in the safety of my home. Now I have to attempt hard mode with all the anxiety triggers at work.

So my solution is to do CBT thought records and journaling as much haha as possible to reframe my thinking and not feel like life is crushing me and I suck.

Yesterday I had a moment where I felt the social anxiety rising and I did a thought record and it brought the anxiety down slightly. So it worked and I got through the night without relapse.
 
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I’m on hard mode right now 40 days and the desire for porn or masturbating is not there anymore at all. Just some social anxiety although I want to talk to people as much as possible though now which isn’t a problem. I get it mostly at night not social just anxiety in general. I do a lot of breathing to get to sleep. How long does ths usually last you think..?? Another coupe of weeks during reboot..??

Keep working on hard mode and you will get there no problem. Great work getting your job and that is only part of the benefits you will see as you continue.
 
Mostafamilly said:
Hi guys im from syria and i dont understand any things is this website please help me
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Welcome to the community. Read, learn and start making your plan. As you read ask specific questions. There are a lot of people willing to help.
 
For me PMO was definitely a cause of social anxiety issues. I am not a huge people person but I feel much more my old self after a reboot.
 
I've had social anxiety since I was a kid, which is probably what caused my addiction in the first place: the need for temporary relief.
 
Hros said:
I've had social anxiety since I was a kid, which is probably what caused my addiction in the first place: the need for temporary relief.
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I feel you on this one. Seems like the anxiety came from childhood somewhere. And PMO helped with it over the years which made the anxiety worse, since PMO creates a lustros of isolation. So now 20 years later I’m all messed up about it.

So the anxiety hurdle is definitly a big one to overcome but it’s time... 32yo and unable to socialize is rough.

If anyone has tips for this, post them here. So far CBT thought records helps me slightly.
 
MasterRoshi said:
I feel you on this one. Seems like the anxiety came from childhood somewhere. And PMO helped with it over the years which made the anxiety worse, since PMO creates a lustros of isolation. So now 20 years later I’m all messed up about it.

So the anxiety hurdle is definitly a big one to overcome but it’s time... 32yo and unable to socialize is rough.

If anyone has tips for this, post them here. So far CBT thought records helps me slightly.
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I've found in recent years that I actually need to research social mechanics. It's sad. A really important tool just flew over my head when I was a kid and I didn't really think there was anything wrong until I was in my mid-teens...
 
As for tips, besides CBT: a. every time I manage to do something that stresses me out socially, I literally pat my shoulder, say to myself: great job, and sometimes I'll treat myself, like buying a new book.
b. something I saw just a few days ago: write down on pieces of paper all of your greatest moments in life, like personal achievements, and before you go out to a stressful situation, read those pieces of paper and remind yourself how much you actually rock.
 
I feel like nofap just gives me the motivation to have to talk to girs to meet my sexual urges for a week or so. Past that they die down and I just want to get out and meet people, I always feel back to my old, self confident self.
 
MasterRoshi said:
I feel you on this one. Seems like the anxiety came from childhood somewhere. And PMO helped with it over the years which made the anxiety worse, since PMO creates a lustros of isolation. So now 20 years later I’m all messed up about it.

So the anxiety hurdle is definitly a big one to overcome but it’s time... 32yo and unable to socialize is rough.

If anyone has tips for this, post them here. So far CBT thought records helps me slightly.
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I like your words here. Real issue was anxiety with me about starting or getting into a relationship. I believe I used porn to distract from getting into one. With a reboot now will that anxiety subside in the weeks to come. While using porn I guess I was always just relaxed...
 
For me, social anxiety lead to being sexually frustrated in which I turned to PMO. The daily PMO habit satisfied me enough to continue to neglect myself for many years when I should've been experiencing life and personal growth. Now I feel almost too old to change. I've got a mountain ahead of me at age 42.
 
Righthandman76 said:
For me, social anxiety lead to being sexually frustrated in which I turned to PMO. The daily PMO habit satisfied me enough to continue to neglect myself for many years when I should've been experiencing life and personal growth. Now I feel almost too old to change. I've got a mountain ahead of me at age 42.
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Me too man, I’m in the same boat and neglected it as well. You can still do it so don’t worry about it. Start making yourself better now and don’t wait.
 
Hros said:
It wasn't real relaxation, it was just you pushing away your negative emotions because you didn't know how to handle them.
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Yep, that is exactly right. The thing I was doing to my mind now during nofap is telling myself I can’t handle a relationship but inside I know I can and cannot rush it. I just hope pulling away from the porn for good will help bring this anxiety down and I believe it will..
 
BigOne79 said:
Yep, that is exactly right. The thing I was doing to my mind now during nofap is telling myself I can’t handle a relationship but inside I know I can and cannot rush it. I just hope pulling away from the porn for good will help bring this anxiety down and I believe it will..
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Awesome insight so far everyone!

I’m only day 2 of this reboot (and I’m currently sick with a cold), but I’ve already noticed the “I don’t give a fuck what others think of me” increasing. It’s a level of self acceptance and confidence that I thought I had during my last reboot.

I’m not sure if it’s the watching porn part of it or if it’s the excessive orgasm, but something definitly causes my self esteem to tank and I lose my ability to communicate with people, especially women. (P.s. my relapses are severe. Porn all day and orgasm 10-15 times a day.)
 
MasterRoshi said:
Awesome insight so far everyone!

I’m only day 2 of this reboot (and I’m currently sick with a cold), but I’ve already noticed the “I don’t give a fuck what others think of me” increasing. It’s a level of self acceptance and confidence that I thought I had during my last reboot.

I’m not sure if it’s the watching porn part of it or if it’s the excessive orgasm, but something definitly causes my self esteem to tank and I lose my ability to communicate with people, especially women. (P.s. my relapses are severe. Porn all day and orgasm 10-15 times a day.)
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It’s not going to be easy for sure. Always find a way to keep your mind off of it and stay busy..
 
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