Socializing in Groups tips appreciated

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by SAL_VI, Nov 8, 2019.

  1. SAL_VI

    SAL_VI Fapstronaut

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    Hey all, so how do you deal in socializing in groups? Naturally, I'm an introvert so it's not my kind of crowd. I prefer talking to one or two people at a time as it gives me an opportunity to talk and share something meaningful. Not that meaningful topics can't be discussed in groups. But oftentimes, when I am in a group- I feel left out, lonely, inferior, and unwelcome. Moreover, I feel like I can't say anything because everyone else is in the midst of conversation. I've seen that also happen if I'm in a room of people in which everyone is talking to one another in their groups.

    Anyways I would like improvement in this area so I appreciate the advice, thanks!
     
  2. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    You're all set, don't let the masses persuade you that there's something wrong with you. If you're really worried, try to put yourself in social situations more, but I think the real shit is when you're with a couple good friends.
     
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  3. SAL_VI

    SAL_VI Fapstronaut

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    For sure, I don’t want to shy away either lest I isolate myself. Gotta face my fears head on!
     
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  4. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Hell yeah. And I could use a little more socialization too. Let's both do it.
     
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  5. I usually hang out with people who have similar interests. Then it is not so difficult stringing together conversations.
    So, you might wanna find out groups which share similar interests.
     
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  6. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    This is great advice. Here's an example:

    I was recently invited to a classical music recital by one of my friends. All of her friends were classical musicians and I'm not, so I had nothing to talk with them about. The conversation was very forced and awkward.

    Earlier today in the gym I ran into someone who noticed the Marines logo on my shirt. We talked for easily 30 minutes and it was very smooth and natural and we even exchanged numbers and agreed to work out together some time.

    So don't sweat it if you can't find anything to converse about but don't hide either. Everyone can't be in the zone all the time.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2019
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  7. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap btw.
     
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  8. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

  9. Anubis Rises

    Anubis Rises Fapstronaut

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    starting the habit of discussions with big groups is a successful habit, the leadership path,

    i use to be in same situation , i just wait around till the group talks on a topic i specialize in ,i well state something funny about the topic or interesting that always grabs theyre attention ,this is a good habit that your trying to master, its part of the leadership path, now a days i perfer talking in groups cause i talk with a purpose an great ideas always bounce up from group talks
     
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  10. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    This is a very Western thing. If you go to Asia, you'll notice even in a big table of people, everyone takes their turn to talk. No one interrupts the way Westerners do. Yet everyone is able to socialize just fine. The main thing is stop worrying about what other people think of you.

    When I started training BJJ and Muay Thai, I felt like I could kick everyone's ass. This helped in high school and college because I would be in a group and think to myself, "I could defend myself so I don't care about their opinions or what people SAY." After college, I started comceal carrying so there's an inherent sense of security. My point is that if you are physically able to defend yourself and be independent (maybe you have some survival skills or something), then maybe you'll feel that you aren't as dependent on others. This independence will give you confidence in social interactions.

    Check out "Semper Cool" by Barry Fixler. He was a Marine in Vietnam and he mentions in his intro that he met all kinds of people. He was able to treat everyone with respect, regardless of their title or social rank, and still not be intimidated because at the end of the day, he was a BAMF.

    Or as General Mattis once said, "Be polite, be professional. But have a plan to kill everybody you meet."
     
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  11. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    @dankestmemes this is a great point!

    The key to addressing a crowd and keeping their attention is to focus on one person, look them in the eye and talk to them, and then switch to someone else - keep them alert and engaged. Don't talk to the 'room' you will be alert. I used to be a teacher.

    If you have mastered the art of conversation with one or two people - that is great. In a group you should focus on one or two people too, and then bring other people in - turn to someone else and ask their opinion, focus on someone else for a bit. It helps if you have quite a loud voice :)
     
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  12. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    Check out "Winning Friends and Influencing People" by Dale Carnegie. It's old school but remains true: Be GENUINELY interested in others and they will be interested in you. Cultivate some curiosity about people. How about starting with a few words of appreciation for someone and their talent/skill? You may end up making a friend!
     

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