Socializing is like talking to ghosts

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Korben Dallas, Feb 11, 2020.

  1. For the few social interactions I have, they feel mostly fruitless. Being out in the world is like moving through a sea of phantoms - they look like you, but they don't see you, nor do they want anything to do with you. Eventually you put up a wall so high that you're unapproachable, and the many bad experiences you've had only fuel your disdain for others and the inability to get to know them.

    This, like many of you, is how I feel nearly everyday. And I don't know how i can change. Nofap isnt enough, the gym isnt enough, meditation isnt enough, reading isnt enough... we need people to win over this addiction. But how do we get people in our lives? And why?

    It's so disconcerting after a bad experience that it's easy to feel depressed. I had a bad date last night with a person whom I hit it off with over text. The date wasn't the problem. The problem was the glaring reminder of how incapable I am to form meaningful connections. I went from happy to suicidal by the next morning. I've been on the suicide chat nearly three times today, but they dont know how to help. But I know I have to keep going. Because I've seen the people through the glass where everything seems so effortless, and I know I can get there. Somehow.

    I hope that everyone here can find something to lift them out of the void that is debilitating lonliness into meaningful friendships and relationships. No matter what people think or the porn industry says about us, we are some of the strongest people out there. Stay strong mates. Find friends. Be social! And know that I love all of you :)
     
    GigglingTrout, amaranth and {Ananta} like this.
  2. metanite

    metanite Fapstronaut

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    Have you tried doing something creative? I mean loneliness and addiction sucks but many artists created beautiful art from their own traumatic experiences that actually help them with their ghosts and humanizes them. I think it also draws us closer to God, there's somthing mystic on creating and experiencing art. It could be a little drawing, a story, a song, whatever

    About loneliness, I have the same struggle. But most of the People nowadays do. The lack of meaningful connections is very common this days. And you can't just meet someone and try to be their soul mate. It just happens spontaneusly in mysterious ways

    All we can do is continue to show up to the world, going through the pain, and be vigilant until our next step is revealed to us. Love you too man!
     
  3. LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

    I don't think you should be dating right now if you are having suicidal thoughts. I get what your saying with smart phones and social media people seem to just ignore each other these days and it has made it difficult for the average person to approach someone and have a meaningful conversation. I also know how you feel as I am in a similar boat although I try not to give in to those cancerous thoughts.

    Just recently I met a great girl and thought my life was going to get better but honestly, it didn't. I still need to learn how to love myself before I can expect a girl to love me. I'm now single again (my choice) and feeling rather lonely. There is light at the end of the tunnel though. Yesterday after I was feeling like absolute garbage I got talking to a girl in work who I thought would never look in my direction.

    Turnso out she's single, lives alone and not far away, goes to the same gym, has a similar taste of foods, etc etc. Most importantly I can make her laugh and she seems a little shy around me. Sure, she might not want to date me (I haven't asked her out yet, we'll see ) but it gives me hope that I will meet someone, even if it's 2 or 3 years from now! It gives me enough time to get my sh*t together and be ok with being on my own. I have goals to achieve that I can do with or without a woman in my life.

    You need to do the same also. If you can't be ok being alone or love yourself then you're going to struggle to meet someone. Nofap, exercise, it all helps but focus on you and what makes you happy and you will find someone eventually. Work on your social skills and don't waste time and energy on people that make you do all the heavy lifting.

    Chin up and keep going,

    Lee.
     
  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Meaningful connection is hard for everyone. It’s particularly harder for men. It requires one person being vulnerable and showing honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity in communications. Those take time. That is why SAA and men’s church groups can be helpful because you have groups of men comfortable with sharing their vulnerability.
    This is hard my friend. I have been trying it for 10 years. If I find a male outside of recovery that shares on intimate friend level, I reciprocate and make extra effort to reach out and meet with that person. They are rare and you can’t let them go.

    For many men, sports and games are as far as conversation goes. Those friends are great too. Intimacy forms in those relationships over the years you spend as friends and seeing their lives play out. It’s not through communication, but through experience. It’s slower but valuable too.
     

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