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Society has sold us a lie about our sexual feelings

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Phunkie, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. Phunkie

    Phunkie Fapstronaut

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    Society has sold us a lie about our sexual urges and our sexual feelings.

    Yes. It is absolutely natural to get turned on or aroused when you think about something or see someone that is sexually appealing. There are some amazingly beautiful human beings on this Earth, both male and female, and you gotta give the credit where it's due.

    But I strongly believe that our society over-emphasizes the need to satisfy or "quench" these kinds of urges and feelings more so than other urges and feelings. I'll explain.

    Human beings are capable of experiencing a wide range of daily emotions:
    • Anger
    • Sadness
    • Disappointment
    • Impatience

    It is silly to say that every time you experience anger, you should "satisfy" this urge and lash out in violence towards others.

    It is ridiculous to believe that every time you experience disappointment, you should "satisfy" this feeling and think lowly of yourself and your life.

    The same society that tells us to express our sexual desires and take part in them every time we feel them would absolutely agree with the statements above.

    • Sometimes you gotta take your ass to work on those days that you don't feel like being there.
    • Sometimes you gotta hold your tongue when someone else is upsetting you.
    • Sometimes you gotta rise above your bad circumstance even though you are heavily disappointed in someone else.
    • Sometimes you gotta wait in that ER no matter how impatient you may feel.

    So no. Not every feeling or urge or desire MUST be expressed or quenched or satisfied. But society lies to us, convincing us that our sexual feelings and urges are the exception:

    "Your girlfriend isn't good in bed? Cheat on her."
    (Instead of learning how to communicate better about the relationship and in the bedroom.)

    "You feel horny tonight? Fuck it, watch some porn and jack off. It's healthy."
    (When creating these kinds of habits lead to porn addiction and the sexual objectification of human beings.)

    "You're single? Damn, that sucks."
    (When single people should be taking the time to learn who they are and learn how to love and value themselves as individuals.)


    Society has lied to us and to some degree, we all have bought it, but what I love about this community is that finally, we are awake and we are fighting back.

    Through NoFap, we are taking back our sexualities and our confidence, and our relationships and our marriages and ultimately, our whole lives.

    Unlike what Western societies teach, there is goodness in withholding our whole bodies for only our significant others. There is goodness in quitting porn and excessive masturbation. There is goodness in finally not basing our identities on these stupid things that are just killing us anyway.

    I hope you are encouraged today. The fight isn't easy, but it's not impossible to win.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2015
  2. JCMD_hi

    JCMD_hi Fapstronaut

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    I whole-heartedly agree. I read something once that said

    "Porn lets people discover what they like in the bedroom"

    I could see this being true to a very small extent e.g they like one thing but not another. Ok fair enough but people don't watch it for that reason and as loads of people here know you don't stick with one thing you get more an more extreme. I saw one guy on the reddit page say he started when he was 12 by searching something like boobs and by the time he was in his twenties he was watching some very weird stuff (like she-male and bestiality). That isn't healthy and I don't believe many people would say it is.

    I'm all for people being sexually happy but I don't think PMO is the answer, sex with someone you actually care about is.

    They're putting, like you said, too much emphasis on "quenching" our "need" and porn is relatively new to our society they have no idea how damaging the effects can be and continue lying about how "good it is," for you.

    When I was 12 and I started I was worried it was weird So I checked on the web and apparently "everyone does it and it's perfectly healthy". So I felt fine about it, thank God I discovered the nofap reddit page because I don't want to go through what some others have went through, I can tell my P tastes were getting more extreme and I'm happy I quit when I did.
     
    WarriorScarr likes this.
  3. zero01

    zero01 Guest

    Excelent thinking @Phunkie

    Absolutely Brilliant!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2015
    JCMD_hi likes this.
  4. I great post very true.

    My take is.... Sex sells.. Sales equals profit. The social engineers have hijacked the very core of what drives human evolution. And it is used very successfully.
     
  5. zero01

    zero01 Guest

    The dictatorship of the revenues
     
    britaxe likes this.
  6. zerowing

    zerowing New Fapstronaut

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    Great points man.
     
  7. frazer

    frazer Fapstronaut

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    When I was 17 in a high school health class, I asked an anonymous question about masturbating. The teacher said its perfectly healthy and would be better than having risky sex and getting STD's or getting someone pregnant. So with that I went home and didn't think anything bad about whacking it to tons of P, and so continued my journey down the lubed slope
     
    JCMD_hi likes this.
  8. PastyWallflower

    PastyWallflower Fapstronaut

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    All this is great, but it takes time to figure out....and experience to do without. I don't have a lot of real life experience with people, but have experience with myself (M). I just started this journey, but I think going without M will be a lot harder than not watching P.
     
    JCMD_hi likes this.
  9. JCMD_hi

    JCMD_hi Fapstronaut

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    It's awful that not that many people no the negatives of too much PMO.
     
    PastyWallflower likes this.
  10. zero01

    zero01 Guest

    Look at the last interview of Ted Bundy, where he says that pornography lead him to kill women to arouse himself... It's on youtube
     
  11. JCMD_hi

    JCMD_hi Fapstronaut

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    It's disgusting what it can lead people to do.
     
    zero01 and PastyWallflower like this.
  12. I like it!
     
  13. manfredswang

    manfredswang Fapstronaut

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    Completely agree. It all comes down to money. Greed. Ego. Desperation. These destructive values only spin you further down the spiral of p. Thanks for sharing your insight.
     
  14. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    Great post, @Phunkie . Very thought provoking material indeed.
    The sad part is, this thought process is so mainstream in our society that it will take years for the majority of people to truly comprehend its negative effects. Watching porn is normal. Casual sex is normal. "Open relationships" are a thing (which, in my experience of observing said relationships, shockingly never work out).

    People are so ingrained in their beliefs about sex that it will be hard to convince them what they are doing is unhealthy, even when they have all the hard facts. We must be patient, and we must take pride in ourselves that we are ahead of the game, and are trying to better ourselves before we try and save the world from becoming too over-sexualized.

    I've seen that video, it's very interesting. What he also makes a point of, is that he doesn't blame pornography for his actions. It certainly didn't help, and it could've been the start of his own slippery slope, but in the end, he was responsible for his actions, not porn.
     
    Phunkie likes this.
  15. randompatriot

    randompatriot Fapstronaut

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    Great comment Phunkie, I agree with your points that we are conditioned to believe that everything needs to be 'quenched' or 'satisfied'.

    A lot is an exaggeration of our notion that our lives are short and fragile, hence our decision to say "Why not? We're all gonna die anyway" (literally not caring much or putting too much thought into it) when we choose to go ahead with satisfying our many emotions in ways that society conditions us to. This makes us generally quite disconnected from our true emotional experience that I think is important for our own personal and social development as a species.

    To give two examples as well:
    - Why is it when we are sad, many believe eating is the solution? Because we've seen it so many times in references that we think that's how we should act to satisfy ourselves or feel better.

    - Why is it when we have strong emotional complications (relationship problems, big fights with close friends/family, etc) is it socially expected for that person to 'go all out' either drinking, smoking, etc? Or even more, when people are trying to cope with those type of feelings, the general first impulse of many friends is to bring them out to party instead of sitting down, perhaps talking about it, or giving the person a bit of time to experience the emotions and come to a decision on how to cope with them.

    We've been so conditioned to think on how to act, that few of us actually take the healthiest roads for ourselves (maybe for some it is to have time alone, maybe for others it is to go partying, maybe for others its to take a hobby, do an activity, etc). And that adds even more to our personal struggle when we don't understand why a certain condition or situation applies to many and not ourselves.

    But as you say, we're fighting back! And we're not going to let these things keep us back from trying to take charge of our own lives again.
     
  16. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    They work out just fine...for the wife.
     

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