Solution?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by TheProdigalSon, Aug 21, 2019.

  1. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

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    Every now and then, I get this sense of loneliness (Today is one of those days by the way). I was analyzing the reason why for I am always with the bros or with family. If I am with ppl I care about, why am I lonely. Then, I remembered that I noticed attractive women during my day. Also, I had to buy new clothes to replace the old. At first I wondered about what looks good to ppl my age? Then I wondered, who am I actually wearing this for? I’m not trying to impress anyone, and no one is randomly coming up to me. So, I just bought what I thought was comfortable. The point is, I would wear more trending clothes if it’s for someone, but there is no one to do so. Thus, with the two, I have come to the conclusion that I want intimate with a woman. Why else would I be lonely? A girlfriend is exactly the same as a friend or family member except...the physical relationship. Now this intimate desire isn’t totally sexual more so just being close with someone. I feel like I need this and do not having it makes me lonely because I can’t get it.

    I know that I don’t need this. I know if the moment is right to meet someone, the moment is right. However, this inescapable feeling is chained to my brain and I don’t know how to be free from it. Could anyone help me genuinely understand that it is ok to be single and the physical stuff isn’t necessary. I will give additionally context that I have been dealing with PMO for years now, which I do think is a major contributor. Moreover, the loneliness is turning my eyes to P. That’s why I am here to find answers.
     
  2. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I think it's good to wear nice fitting clothes that have good style. You say there's nobody to wear them for, but looking your best is just 1 step towards getting that person in your life. And you'll only be more attractive with nice fitting clothes.

    It is fine to be single. It's actually a blessing in a way. Gives us plenty of time to work on ourselves.

    I recommend to work on things one at a time, improve yourself, and get out there and meet people as soon as you feel like you're living according to your values.

    This is a big topic and if you want to read a bit more into it, and also find a chapter specifically on dress style, I recommend a book called 'Models'. Some things take time, others like fashion can give improvements overnight, together a holistic approach just creates a better version of yourself.
     
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  3. MuzzyTheArab

    MuzzyTheArab Fapstronaut

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    Love the name by the way.
     
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  4. IABBG

    IABBG Fapstronaut

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    I agree with Reborn16 that being single is a blessing in disguise. I am currently single myself. I am free to do what I want and spent my time however I wish. Whenever you're in a relationship, you pretty much have to give up this level of autonomy (unless you're a player or a subscriber to a red-pill philosophy).

    I find that the biggest problem lies in the feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is the price for freedom. I feel we were created to want relationships; it's a natural drive. That being said, there's nothing worse than being with a wrong person. Yeah, it might feel great at the beginning, but ultimately, you'll have to pay the price for that choice. It's never good. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. We just have to be careful who we let into our lives.

    I also agree about dressing nice. Firstly, you're more likely to draw attention to yourself from potential mates. Good clothes make a man look confident and feel confident.
     
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  5. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

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    So, is there anyway to remove the desire? I don’t want to keep looking for a relationship, I just want to be open to one. However, I subconsciously tend to think if things will lead somewhere when meeting new women. How do I keep my mind clear of these thoughts and let things happen naturally?
     
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  6. IABBG

    IABBG Fapstronaut

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    I don't know.

    We don't know until we try.

    To a certain point, we're supposed to pursue; it's built into our nature. That said, although we can initiate, it does not mean things will work out. Statistically, the chances of things "working out" with one particular woman is quite low. However, the chances of connecting with a woman may be higher. Perhaps that may help you move on and not get hung up on a particular woman.

    I think a healthy dose of pursuit (within reasonable limits) is actually quite natural. If she's reciprocating, it will be even more natural/easy. But the moment it becomes hard, or you note a lack of interest on her part, or there are "red flags" then the smartest thing is to stop pursuing that option and focus on someone else.

    Listen to your heart. If it says that you need to heal, then so be it. If it says you're OK to get dating again, then so be it too
     
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  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I think you have to go after what you want, we all do.

    When you say "let things happen naturally" could you explain this more please?

    I've just had many interactions with women where things went well, lots of chatting and laughs etc. It appeared as if it was naturally going somewhere. But it never really did.

    Other times I have been more direct, made it obvious I was potentially interested in her early on, and I either got rejected (which saved me time wondering if she was interested), or I got direct interest back.

    I may be reading your comments wrong. But in my experience (and from reading stuff from people who research this properly) I currently think it's best not to think about it at all. Try for a date, if nothings happens, great, move on. Much less time and much more results!
     
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  8. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I feel exactly the same. I have no reason to do anything, and I am not in good terms with myself to do things for myself, but Final Fantasy VI is a great game.
     
  9. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    Don’t say that you can’t get it, you feel that way because you want a woman to fill a role in your life, desiring this is normal it’s what makes you a man. You’re having these feelings because you want a girlfriend.

    I had an experience like this at one point, I even had a dream with being with a girl, it’s when I for sure knew I needed to find a girlfriend, that’s my experience and it was the beginning of turning my life around.

    I used that constant thought of wanting a girlfriend to motivate me to change myself and my life with regards to porn addiction and masterbation. Don’t be afraid to do the same.

    Good luck.
     
  10. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

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    When I say let things happen naturally, I was thinking of the returned interest. To be blunt, I have been friend zoned many times and never really have any reciprocation back. It’s confusing because as other people commented, I have a desire to meet a women. However, not having one have feelings for me, even if I didn’t feel anything, hasn’t happened overall. This may be pessimistic, but the hope is slowly dying away. For one, there is nothing that is telling me different. Two, I don’t want to feel the guilt for not being able to meet some one anymore. However, the desire still lurks in my mind. It’s like i want to be free, but I just can’t get myself to leave the prison.
     

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