Some advice please

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by DyingStar, May 22, 2020.

  1. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123
    So today, I was trying to be productive in quarantine. I have a hobby that consists of creative writing, horror flash fiction to be specific ,which I haven't really indulged in for about a year. Anyways, I had a bit of problem with writer's block and once I cranked out the words, it wasn't anything like I envisioned. During the writing process, I constantly felt bombarded with urges for PMO and the more I tried to weather through and focus, the stronger the urges got. I had to stop and refer to my emergency video. I actually took breaks on and off during writing, and it would fade but come back everytime I tried focusing on the writing again. Ultimately, I gave up on writing and decided to just hop on my ps4 for most of the day and my urges were pretty much non existent. I'm curious why this is... I'm guessing it's because I found myself stressed about the writing process not going the way I like and, in turn, that caused the urges but I'm not sure. This isn't the first time something like this has happened though. Any advice on how I could get past this?
     
  2. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    1,333
    31,304
    143
    Try meditating..and decide that u aren’t gonna M, it’s not meant to be that way!
    If your urge is a Physical Feeling down there, then I’m sure Meditation will help, if its Mental, it needs more work!

    How bout working out ? Get tired so u don’t have Energy to M?
    And please work on the psychology and Approach to M, I Relapsed Today out of aimlessness..so That PSYCHOLOGY NEEDS TO BE DIAMOND SHARP
     
    r8js and DyingStar like this.
  3. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123

    I think it's both, starts off mental and turns physical. I can't do any extensive work out at home but I'll look into it. I do fear that I probably won't have the energy to really write much afterwards tho. Hindsight leaves me to believe it was a stress based urge. I wish I could write in a public location then the urges would be quite subdued. *Sigh* I definitely have no plans to relapse. I constantly tell myself that a day without PMO is a blessing and it truly is!
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
    thinking_differently likes this.
  4. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    1,333
    31,304
    143
    Is 4 min of Spot Running, some yoga Cool? And its not really the ideal situation to be in a public place now..
     
    DyingStar likes this.
  5. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123
    Yeah, I can do that. And sadly it isn't and probably won't be anytime in the forseeable future :(
     
  6. Finalito

    Finalito Fapstronaut

    299
    415
    63
    Hey @Starshower,

    Your post made me instantly think of Cold Trukey Writer (https://getcoldturkey.com/writer/)
    Basic app is free, so you don't have to spend any money.

    It's a brilliant app for Windows and it literally locks your computer so you can't use anything else but the writer for:
    a) a set amount of time
    OR
    b) a set number of words/characters written

    So this will stop you from procrastination and prevent you from watching PMO at the same time. When you know you just have to do it, you'll do it. I think this would be perfect for you.

    Please let me know if you'll use it and how you'll get on with it :)
     
    DyingStar likes this.
  7. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123
    Thank you for the advice. I'll certainly look into it
     
  8. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123
    Ugh, so I wrote a bit more today, but it was still a struggle and I had some major urges, did some pushups but that didn't really quell anything. I went back to writing, and thoughts of "what if" and just "one more time" kept bombarding me. Then absolute lunacy took over and said "fuck it" I was SOOO close to relapsing, guys like I was JUST about to fall prey when an inkling of sanity came back and I was able to fight it off. I'm kind of feeling traumatized right now, it feels like I mentally relapsed because for that split second when my PMO self came back I didn't have control, and I fully intended to relapse... I didn't even consider watching my emergency video in the moment. Thank God my sanity returned. Had I gave in that would have led to several days of binging. I'm feeling very antsy right now not because of lust but more due to the fact that I don't trust myself.

    It sucks but I'm gonna stay away from creative writing for a bit until I figure out a solution. Even with the Cold Turkey application, it didn't really help because I would have just went to my phone in that haze of delirum
     
    thinking_differently likes this.
  9. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    1,333
    31,304
    143
    @Starshower
    It seems u write well, what an eloquent expression of your feelings!
    But worry not, just do something that lifts u out of that doldrum,
    Try reading some more about this addiction, perhaps understand its core better?
     
  10. Finalito

    Finalito Fapstronaut

    299
    415
    63
    It's no point using this software if you waste time on your phone.

    The only thing to do is to also block your phone (and iPad and tablet and any other device you might use to waste time).

    I know because I'm struggling with a similar addiction. I've struggled for many months but finally I gave up and installed a blocking software on all my devices.

    This worked for a while, but then I found a way around it.

    So I had to be even more extreme. Now I only keep a dumb phone at home. No computer, no TV, no tablet, no internet, no smartphone. (I only use these in my office, but not at home).

    And guess what happened? Things that I couldn't do before are now easy. Didn't have time to read? Now there's plenty. Didn't have time to paint? Now I make on average one painting per week. Didn't have time to write? Just wrote a shirt story over the weekend.

    If you want to fight the addiction, you also have to change your habits. And at this stage where I'm at, the only way is to make it absolutely impossible for me to waste time on the internet. And it works. I suggest you try something similar.
     
  11. Have you thought about writing about the urges when you get writes block?
     
  12. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123
    I haven't. I'm usually writing horror stories, and I'm not sure writing about urges would fit into that category, haha. I'm still dealing with writer's block, but I'm actually able to write without craving PMO when I'm stressed now. I think the 30 days of abstinence has a lot to do with that, which I'm extremely grateful for. I still get those thoughts of PMO in my mind but I feel so much more in control of myself now. It's pretty surreal if I'm being honest.
     
  13. The reason i asked about the urges thing is a trick i learned. When you cant write about one topic instead write about another and dont stop writing eventually you will break through the writers block and you can go back to the first topic with ease.
     
  14. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    What time do you write? This is actually relevant, for example if you're familiar with The Artists Way they have this practice of morning pages. There is something about the morning which seems to lend itself to creativity. Specifically it's 3 pages of stream of consciousness first thing in the morning, so even for someone who can't write well they can just put down whatever.

    I would get a little bit more specific in that you need to actually be up and [relatively] awake in the morning. If you wake up at noon, you can't do anything since you've slept through the morning. There are potentially different times in the morning that has different effects too based on chronobiology. (see below) But even not accounting for that there's the practicality of getting it done upon waking, and perhaps transitioning from dreaming.

    So there are two issues right: Relapse prevention/insight into your own psychology and the creative endeavor of the kind of writing you do, so you can write for two different reasons. If you look at this pic below creativity is actually around midnight, may be worth a shot if you are up at that time but we know it may not be a good idea to be up late because of PMO. (btw I wonder if that time fuels the Coolidge effect and novelty seeking) 10-12 might be a good time to try.

    Keep in mind too this all assumes you have a relatively normal circadian rhythm and general functioning, and if your area participates in daylight savings time you need to add 1 to all this but there is a kind of optimization for good timing. Practically it's more about getting a sense for yourself, like you can notice there's a time when you do have arousal in the morning, and maybe a few hours after that you do feel most awake and alert.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2020
    DyingStar likes this.
  15. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    I just tried the morning pages practice today, man it's a lot. It mostly ended up being a lot of ideas I already know and just kind of getting them down, things I know that can help but it's interesting because at other times when you are inspired you can write a lot even when you're not a writer. Anyway I'll try to stay with it a while, reading other people and getting ideas to inspire you during the day no doubt helps.
     
    DyingStar likes this.
  16. Meditation ‍ for 10 minutes a day is calming
     
  17. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    338
    3,247
    123

    Oof sorry about the late reply. I didn't see this. My sleeping schedule is all kinds of messed up atm. I'm not currently employed or in class, pretty much on lockdown atm due to Covid, so my sleep schedule has been out of whack since the semester ended. I usually try writing a few hours before bed, but I'm currently a night owl, so yeah.

    I'll work on fixing my circadian response. TY for the advice.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. Nice research on timing at how the body works
     
    DyingStar likes this.

Share This Page