Some NoFap moderators could be occasionally unfair?

On this we may be arguing semantics, so I'll ask for clarity.. am I safe to assume there is no bad blood between you and I?

Considering that I wholeheartedly agree'd, with at least with a large part of your conclusion, I am not surprised that your viewpoint on matters have not changed. I was hoping to humanize things, bring us back to rememberance that everyone we are dealing with on the other side of the screen has eyes, ears.. we see, feel and are affected by things. I'd love to speak on behalf of the other moderators, but their own experience is not for me to say. I can say though that if your conclusion about the character of the moderators here was true, I would absent myself from NoFap. Bad company corrupts good character, and no matter how much I may care for people or the cause of NoFap, my integrity comes before that.

As such, my presence on the team can hopefully speak on their behalf, at least in part. Does this help put things to rest? I know it may not be a proper resolution, but does it help?

 

@IGY. I am getting to the point where I can't stand to see you arguing about every little thing with everyone on this website. Can you just let it go by any chance? If the mods don't run this place exactly as you want it run, I'm sorry but they aren't obliged to do that. They aren't going to ban everyone who criticizes you, looks at you funny, or says something offensive to you.

You are a man in your fifties. For God's sake, please do something more age-appropriate than sitting here all day long bullying volunteer mods. I am worried about your mental health. Please take a step backward and look at the big picture that is your life. Does it need to necessarily be all pinpointed on debating with NoFap staff members over useless minutia of the rules and regulations of this forum? I would certainly hope not. Also, I propose that you simply "Ignore" those folks who are so disturbing to you. Once you magically can't see their content, you might feel better.

Now I suppose since I have finally spoken my mind to you and told the truth, you will immediately private message alexander and demand my suspension or banning (even though I haven't broken any of the precious rules). So be it, but I feel this place is crashing and burning, and you seem to always be the common denominator. You would run this place like a police state. That simply is not the way the owners and staff see fit, and that's really all there is to it.

 

Amen honey, A-freaking-men (I love you). Also SL told me how you called me a spitfire

 

I want to tread very carefully because I do not use nofap very much. The site is supposed to be about support and healing. I joined last December. As an australian I was immediately intrigued by a member with a little red kangaroo avatar who seemed very outgoing and friendly. Reading his journal, I suddenly realised I actually knew him and i thought wowwee how about that! i did not know then it was against the rules or something to let someone know you recognise them. i am talking about @AndySky180 but he took it in his stride and he even gave me his personal email address so we could converse away from this site. I know he recently had some big falling-out with the moderation team and he has not posted here since. I am not wishing to take sides here, but to quote Andrew's email at the time he wrote to me "Quite sincerely, the place has the potential to transform people's lives, but it is being crippled by a trigger-happy, unhelpful moderation approach. This is not meant to attack any of them personally btw. They are all nice people, and I would happily welcome any of them at my bbq and give them lots of beers. I know they are volunteers and the job is extremely stressful. But their interventions to prevent discord has, in my experience, served directly to create discord and amplify it into vast proportions. This is incredibly sad, because all of us joined with a deep sense of hope and excitement, and trusted the place would help us experience something new and wholesome. The experience ultimately has turned out to be painful and hurtful. Mitch, I would be Deleting Account today, except that too many good members of NoFap would find that upsetting and seem to get some sense of comfort that AndySky180 seems still to be part of the place. But I have come to view NoFap not as a place where you get healed. It's a place where ultimately, you get very badly hurt." He listed nearly a dozen Nofap friends who walked away. He is not blaming the mods for their departure, but pointed out that losing friends on NoFap is very painful, and he saw most of his good friends vanish. I would like to see Andrew come back here of course, and I would like to see the acrimony and bitterness cease too. Looking at member Igy's unhappiness, and knowing something of Andrew's experiences, there does seem to be a problem here which I hope can still be discussed rationally and calmly. I was moved to read OutsideTime's personal message about what it is like to be a moderator. That took bravery and I hope more people read it. I do not know enough about this site to offer any positive suggestions. Andrew was very clear to me that it needs a true "blocking" capacity, where people who have difficulties with each other could truly become invisible to the other. He said it would spare the moderators a lot of heartache in trying to resolve unpleasant and complex situations, allowing members to enjoy the site without fear of harassment, innuendo, and other unpleasantries. I hope people can stop attacking one another, and be open to good dialogue. I offer this for whatever it is worth.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

So we will not be seeing @AndySky180 any time soon or forever? He is such a nice and encouraging guy. Always helps out anyone he feels need help. Feel sad knowing that I and the nofappers wont be able to get support from him.

 

I know right, a lot of good people are leaving.

 

I hope so too. We should be helping each other out with our reboots instead of fighting.

 

I have sent Andrew another message. I hope you do not mind that I copied and pasted your message into the email so he can understand? My observation of situations here is that people (including moderators and leaders) are all fragile and all are easily fallible. If people hold onto their hurts and do not bend or give way, then the misery just gets more intense I think. It was my privilege to have worked with Andrew during the second of my two postings as an army padre. A couple of his stories in his journal is what gave him away. But you are right. Andrew truly is a very "nice and encouraging guy". I am a little bit perplexed because my clear recollections of this man is that he never ever holds a grudge and is quick to forgive and forget and move on. I am agitating now because for heaven's sake, is not life too short? Andrew told me last December that Nofap changed his life, and I believe it did. I am trying to convince him about one of his own maxims I heard him give young cadets in a rather memorable address at the Royal Military College Duntroon. He told them "As Australian soldiers, we do not have to see eye-to-eye in order to stand shoulder-to-shoulder." I am appealing to him to let go of his hurt, and come back and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with fapstronauts like you, even if he cannot see eye-to-eye with the mods or whoever has upset him. I will keep you posted. Thanks..

 

Literally one person is leaving. Pretty sure they have multiple accounts too. So nobody is leaving.

 

Thank you Igy. I hope all this can be sorted.

 

I dont mind at all. In fact I'm thankful to you that you are able to convey my message to him. I know a lot of things have been going upside down but only if he gets convinced by this message and support he is getting from all of us. I hope he comes back for good. Thanks again for your efforts to get him back.

 

I find it passing odd that many people who have been suspended or banned in the past have been enemies of yours (a great example being @Lone_Wolf). That's all I'm saying. I know, you claim that you're at odds with the staff and mods and so forth but I still think what you want is a heavily policed community. Come now, you even "quit" when it looked like people weren't being punished quickly enough for offending you. If nothing else, that's perhaps why you're not happy with management.

I've known you for almost 3 years IGY. This is not just a certain quote or recent happening that makes me reach this conclusion, but an overarching pattern of behavior. I even remember a time when I had just joined, I said something in a thread that somehow offended you. I guess you reported me because I shortly got a PM from a mod to the effect of "Hey, IGY didn't like what you said; no big deal but just try to be careful around him; we all have to deal with him and it's your turn to learn how."

 

In view of the extremely low opinion you have of me and the motives you impute me with, I suggest you apply what you said in your previous post - "ignore" me. If you want to restore peaceful relations between us, we can do that privately.

 

wow

 

I don't hate you by the way. I admit I get annoyed at much of your posting due to dozens of different personal reasons, but I chose to let go of 99% of it, because that's the way our community should work. I don't endorse any kind of personal attacks, so I'm sorry that happened to you. Me ignoring you wouldn't change much. You ignoring all those who "hate" you might just save your life. If it's as you say, that previously your mental health was at risk and there was even an inkling of suicide, then I can't stress enough how seriously you need to be handling this. This is not a joke. If your life is in danger, you need to do whatever it takes to get back from that ledge. You can't control what you read on here or how people respond to you, but you can absolutely control whether you want to be exposed to risk any more.

No need to speak privately, I'll say publicly that I have no ill will towards you.

 

Very interesting post, and by that I mean very bipolar. Your previous post seems to resonate a different message and your demeanor is quite different. Perhaps you were coached into thinking a certain way about IGY hmmm, now that would make much more sense. Stop listening to other people and be yourself. Once you're true to yourself you can be sincere. Also IGY's life is not in danger and stop talking about his mental health like some kind of expert.

 

Sorry, who are you?

 

I'm the answer you weren't expecting. I'm the pebble in your shoe. I am a wounded healer. Doctor by day, and whatever the fuck I want to be by night. I am everything you wish you could be. My name is Michael, friends call me Mick, but you can call me Michael.

 

Thank you. I finally got a reply from @AndySky180 this afternoon. He says he is very grateful for your very kind thoughts, and he enjoyed giving support and benefitted from receiving it. (Earlier content removed by request). I hope to see him back here, but I do not pretend to know all the issues involved.