some success, some work left to do

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by winslow, Jun 29, 2017.

  1. winslow

    winslow Fapstronaut

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    I don't know exactly which day I am on as far as no PMO, I must have crested over one hundred days at this point. I haven't watched any P videos or pictures, but I have seen an occasional lightly dressed woman on tv or the internet but I didn't use these to MO. I did slip up once at Day 75, but it was just MO, without P but I was thinking about attractive women at the time. After that slip up I realized that the power of this addiction will always be in the background and can sneak up on you in an instant. Constant vigilance is key. Lately however, I have been indulging more in admiring women on my walk to work. I would rather I didn't do this, but they look so wonderful. If my thoughts turn from appreciation to lust, I start in with saying a few Hail Mary's to redirect my attention to Gods will (I also recite an Our Father or three, these prayers are short and was to memorize).
    But let me get to the success part of my story. The few times I make love with my wife, each subsequent O has gotten better and better. I even O'd to a lubricant-free hand job, I could never have reached an O in that way when I was still using. And then there was the last time, about a week ago. I had read up on the Tantric and tried to shuffle some of that into our intimate time. I lasted a pretty goid while and when the O came, it felt so incredible! I remember thinking that the top of my head exploded and the semen just gushed. It was amazing. My Os shared with my wife when using were numb and sad. I have a big challenge ahead in three weeks though. My wife and son will be leaving for three week to spend time with her family. I feel ready for the challenge but I am still worried.
    There was something else I was going to tell you guys by I can't remember now... I'll tell you I'm in my upper thirties and married with a small child. My last PMO session was February 28, on March 3rd I made the choice to change. It is by far one of my best decisions. Oh yeah, I remember. I haven't told my wife that I quit because doing so would force me to admit that I have been using since our last argument about PMO use, 2 years ago up until this February. I will tell her eventually when the time is right. I also worry that if I tell her that that will cause me to slip up and relapse. I want to be sure I'm in the clear before running that risk. I've found in life, that as soon as you point out a good thing to another person, or even think it to yourself, God (or whatever you believe in) has a way of toppling you over and knocking you down a peg or two for bragging or being overly filled with pride. This is why I tread lightly.
    Good luck to all of you, thanks for reading my "success" story.
    Winslow
     
  2. True life seeker

    True life seeker Fapstronaut

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    About telling your wife,i've listened to a podcast about porn addiction and the guy said that telling another person about your addiction,which is actually you biggest and darkest fear,is a great relief.The moment you get it out of your mouth in front of the person which you are most afraid to tell(in this case your wife)you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted off you soul,it doesn't even matter how the other person reacts,it's just about not having anything to hide anymore.Anyway,i'm not in your shoes to know how things between you and your wife are going,but telling her at some point even if you haven't done it in a long time might be good.The point is as i said is to have nothing to hide in front of her,to earn that freedom.

    Congrats on you streak and good luck from now on,remember to keep yourself strong and focused.
     
    winslow likes this.

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