Some thoughts on the endgame

OK, I've just joined, so I've been looking around trying to get a flavour of all the posts, the sorts of things people talk about and responses, things like that. There seem to be a lot of “try harder” posts, and I've got to say, I'm not sure trying harder is necessarily the answer. I've been trying hard for a number of years, and it honestly doesn't seem to have made that much difference.

I think what I need is transformation rather than just more discipline.

Here’s an illustration:

I know I'm not a bully. I know because I tried it once when I was about 12. I got into a confrontation with a kid who was smaller than me and made him do what I wanted. Nothing abusive, I just made him pick some stuff up if I remember correctly. BUT, the whole episode left a really bitter taste and I never went back. To this day, I remember the feeling it left me with. I really don’t like to have people afraid of me. It’s just not who I am. I don’t have to try hard not to be a bully, I'm just not one.​

What I am looking for in my sex life is something similar; an internal transformation. I want PM to be as weird and uncomfortable to me as randomly punching a stranger, taking a dump in the middle of a crowded street, driving while drunk, or doing interpretive dance in the office. These are all things that I could technically do, but they would feel completely unnatural and I don’t feel any urge to actually make them happen (particularly the dancing one).

As part of my NoFap journey, I'm going to be thinking a lot, not about what I don’t want to be, but about what I do want to be. Instead of purely trying harder, I'm going to be trying to concentrate on what sort of man I want to be, and what that would look like in my relationships. Instead of sticking my fingers in my ears and trying really hard not to think about sex, I'm going to be deliberately looking for a vision (for want of a better word) of where I want to be in the next few years, and trying to make my actions conform to that positive image. I'm going to be aiming for the endgame.

I'll going to add to this thread from time to time, as I get a better idea of what this new guy will look like, but in the meantime, I’d really appreciate your thoughts or feedback.