Someone help me stay on the right track (sissy hypno battle)

Lots of interesting points in this thread. Thanks everyone for writing something! I think its great to talk about this stuff, because without doing so people don't realise the problem. Just an update on my situation, I went about 3 days without PMO, got very tired one day after a sports activity and when I came home I ended up edging and ultimately orgasming. Then I did it again yesterday and this morning even though I said I wouldn't. Its a horrible trap that sucks you in. I think my issue is once I do it once it slowly starts coming back so I really need to focus on the initial week of no PMO and not slip up. I am seeing my girl this weekend and I am hoping that will kickstart my first 3-4 days without PMO so I can come back and just forget it exists. I know I can do it, Ive done it before, and I don't smoke weed anymore so I can really feel P addiction come to light a lot more clearly. I also think its so important that even when I mess up I just keep pushing. Ive realised NoFap is not just the streak, its the realisation of the problem and the active work towards dealing with it and relapses are just a part of the process. I know the benefits, because I was on holiday for 1.5 months and only PMOd once or twice but my brain had less fog and I was much better.
I will keep updating on this forum, but Ill also update my journal too on my progress so one day I can write I am 90 days free. I also feel a lot more repulsed by the 'sissy' P and have stayed well away from it when I did relapse. I am just hoping that this weekend I can not think about what happened this week and be more present with my gf.

 

No worries, Im quite happy my openness on here has allowed others to feel comfortable opening up. I think its good, thoughts and feelings being pent up can cause further pressure on yourself. I know since I've officially joined NoFap and replied/posted to people I no longer feel alone. Ive read similar stories, seen people with similar issues and their battles. Every streak I attempt, every time I get an urge or I fail, it doesnt stop me from fighting everyday, I feel part of a movement and its a constant reminder to keep trying harder and going further, its also a reminder of the problem. I know every time I get urges now, the second thought that follows it instantly is NoFap. Whereas before, I kinda just let it happen, I forgot I wanted to quit. I might go off of it every now and again but when I started I didn't have a reminder to why I stopped in the first place.

P makes you do things you usually wouldn't and it took me a while to realise how true that is. After researching the effects and listening to audio books like Your Brain On Porn, I understand so much more behind the problem and I am rest assured that a lot of things that happened were a direct cause of my P use. In the moment I was 100% aware the dude was preying on me, I came in there a bag of mental health issues doing something P has led me to do. But I didn't care, thats the crazy thing, its almost like he wasn't human to me, he was merely an extension of his dick which is what I felt I needed. In fact his weirdness, creepiness and cringe is one of the reasons I ended up stopping and leaving. Had he stopped talking like I asked him too I might have not stopped, but maybe I would have. Either way, its terrifying to think about that day, in fact I physically can't because my brain has wiped the memory as though it happened 100 years ago, it seems to be a trauma response for me. But to now sit here and think that what they say is so normal to do (watch some P) led me to doing something so involuntary, so far from who I am. Its scary, I am so lucky I was able to come on here, to realise the problem, to have an answer to the confusion it caused and put me on a better path. I was also able to stop hating myself, which led to self punishment which led to more P. A vicious cycle that takes control.

It also helps having others say their advice, opinions, theories etc. Sometimes you either don't listen to yourself or give yourself bad advice, denial is basically that. So having others agree with you there is a problem, but seeing others going through the same problem it helps stop your mind from going back to old ways. If I look at P now there is so much more shame, confusion, awareness and questions such as wait, why am I doing this? But now P is just linked with NoFap and all the posts I've read. I finished listening to the audiobook Your Brain On Porn, and I have so much explanation and research to where my urges come from, how to deal with them etc. but now when I get an urge while on my sofa or on reddit, its because my porn use is linked to those objects.

IMO awareness is a game changer. I know even if I relapse again at some point the next day Ill fight even harder to stay away because I am always reminded that I am on the NoFap Journey! Together with all the others fighting.
Welcome to the community! I haven't been here too long, but its been so helpful to me. Its not a magic cure, but it make just that bit easier to fix up. Even if you relapse, you've started the journey, the battle and you keep going and at the end of the day that's what it is. Some relapsed 10s of times before they got through, for others it might be 0.