SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by qmds, Sep 29, 2019.

  1. qmds

    qmds Fapstronaut

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    I've been trying to quit porn for a while, and I did but relapsed. Since then I've only been relapsing regularly. I feel like I should just take the easy way out and end everything because everything is fucked but I'm worried about my family so I stop the thought. I have tried everything to quit porn and it doesn't work.

    Please, I beg my fellow fapstronauts to help me quit this addiction.
     
    Nanni likes this.
  2. Hang in there brother you're not alone in this battle. The first days are the worst ones but if you can study your situation and meditate on the matter about your mistakes, maybe you can do something different to prevent relapses. Do a to-do-list and follow it with discipline, keep busy until you don't have too much time to PMO. I know its hard and may not work in the beginning, but the more you try the better it gets, do whatever it takes, always remember that your happines is at stake. Take care friend, do your best!;)
     
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  3. You just need to struggle for some time and it will grant you freedom for the rest of your life. Stand up, it's not over yet!

    Do anything that can keep you from your addiction. Watch motivational videos, work out till you're tired, take cold showers, take up some hobby, anything works! You can do it! I was there too!
     
  4. xxmemel0verxx

    xxmemel0verxx Fapstronaut

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    I’m stuck here to man your not the only one
     
  5. Patience, brother, patience.
     
    Nanni likes this.
  6. A41:14A

    A41:14A Fapstronaut

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    Get up..
    Get out and about.
    Keep active.
    Do something for somebody else. (who can never repay you)..
     
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  7. Thomas Bowden

    Thomas Bowden Fapstronaut

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    I can be your AP if you want, walk with me to the end of the year.
     
  8. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    Okay, whenever one finds themselves in thoughts of "ending everything," then this is a great opportunity of putting "everything" into perspective and analyzing priorities. Since you would be dead anyway, there is also no reason to set up any defenses now toward any possibility, any new path (however radically different), or to reevaluate anything on the table. So, even though there is some importance perhaps in not fapping, is it really the most important thing in life? Probably not - and especially if the alternative is no life, right? What's the worst that fapping causes you? Some say less energy, difficult erections, problems finding a girlfriend, etc. Well, should we even care about these things if the alternative is ending everything, which would never permit the alternatives to be possible, even to a more extreme. I really don't know enough about you at this time to know what should be really important and not as important in your life. But, like I said, you have given yourself a gift - a wonderful blank slate to really reevaluate now what is important, what should be prioritized really, and how can you set more reasonable and gentle goals that are kinder and more loving toward yourself and others. Existential angst is life's way of telling you to turn away from a dead end and radically reconsider some hard assumptions that you have adopted along the way that may not be true. Now's the time to regroup and follow your truer path (and, why not, you were considering death anyway). A death wish may be simply a way to rebirth yourself in a better path away from any life lies you have presumed or have adopted until now.
     
  9. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    My name is Andrew and it's very nice to see everyone here, I hear so much sincere desire to live by principles, turn attention away from what is harmful to self and others and help one another, it is inspiring to me. I really identified with what was said in the OP. I didn't know this until several years happily not having to pm etc but it turns out that every time I felt suicidal I had just done something selfishly sexual. One place that was among my "favorite" to get high on sex was a very tall building and I used to stand at the top floor of a very long staircase and imagine what it would feel like to jump. The really wild thing is that it seemed like it would feel a lot like how I already felt: powerless to stop free fall. I imagined I would bounce off of some of the lower floors or at least the railings and that seemed like a good analogy for how I bounced off of things through life: bouncing off of attempted solutions that seemed so promising at first and bouncing off of people and bouncing off of consequences. The railings in that building were made to keep people safe and I would stand on the second rung of 5, so I figure I was only 40% suicidal :). Obviously I made it :). Years later I finally felt a little suicidal (even less so) about something else, after getting free of pm etc, and one of many mentors told me suicide is selfish. I wasn't sure if he was trying to talk me out of it, it sounded harsh :) But he made a good case and convinced me that what I needed was to practice acceptance and give to others with no thought of return. I wasn't a big fan of those ideas at that particular time but it's hard to argue with when my only other idea is to die. Certainly no more pm etc then. So I tried his idea instead of mine and I was immediately much happier than I had been. It's not the entirety of the solution but it's a damn good start. Because a lot of times I'm pm etc ing as a way to run from things I don't like in life so acceptance is a direct counter to that. I always thought acceptance meant not doing anything but actually recognizing how things are right this second often makes me MORE able to respond in the next second instead of just thinking how things should be different already when they just aren't. I'm saying the non-acceptance wastes time that could be spent acting. Actions like giving with no thought of return. If I'm already willing to lay down my life then it shouldn't be a big deal to give that life to others. Myself, I'm living on borrowed time. Plus it feels really good to try to be helpful with no strings attached of how that should look or what should result or how people should react. It's very freeing. And we're all already involved in a process that fits with those ideals: sharing on nofap.com! I'm very excited to be here participating in part of the solution and I try to orient my entire life around being as helpful as I can asking nothing including no praise (it makes my head big and I bet you can guess what I tended to do when my head got big ;) ). So anyone can feel free to message me I'd be so glad to talk about what is working and ideas we might have that could be tried.
     
  10. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Oh I forgot to mention some other practical things that I and a lot of my friends use regularly to make it easier to not use pm+, desperate for anything that'll work. Breaking the lust--pm cycle is big for me: my cultivation of a certain attitude about people as sex objects led to porn which reinforced that attitude and then I fed it further out of jonesing (didn't feel I could pm in public :) ) by staring at people and fantasizing about them a large portion of each day until I could get my fix by pm and rinse and repeat. The water used to rinse was not very clean :). I could use a good brainwash. So I try to focus on what's upstream from pm: my twisted thinking about people as if they are only objects. There is a lot of dirt to dig into there. Thinking positive thoughts about people I am triggered by such including but not limited to humanizing them, trying to see us as connected in a human family via things like shared genetic content, shared hopes and dreams at least in the sense that we both have them, and both being subject to fear resentment and desire all help. So does being honest with others about where I'm at and exactly what's going on with me not just a tiny slice of life right around pm only but in wider and wider circles of vulnerability with like minded friends. And letting go of pride and shame, which are two sides of the same coin. Which reminds me, letting go is another phrase for acceptance as described above and there's a great book about it, my second favorite book ever, by David R. Hawkins MD called "Letting Go." Obviously there is a lot for us to let go of around pm and the reasons we get back into it or think about doing so. Even simple obvious things like I practice letting go of the thought "I want to it'll make me feel good." Disproven thousands of times by my experience. I mean sure it made me "feel good" in the sense of pleasure but I've heard dope makes you feel pleasure like that and I know chocolate, gambling etc give pleasure and all as far as I know leave one wanting. Never satisfied, always looking for the next one and the next one. For me I had my eye on the next one as I was pm+ing! Especially in my mind, I want this with that person and this type of blah blah and with one more person than is involved now and it's always one more one more after that. Like a dog on a treadmill. So the stuff that gets suggested here may be unpalatable to me but it's not like I ever got much to speak of from pm+.
     
  11. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Oh forgot to ask here: I saw that a lot of people are abstaining from PM and O and I am curious with the O part why and what exactly that looks like for people? I always assumed it was one of "would be happy to O in loving relationship but not in rel. now" or "no PMO to get progress out of problematic sexual habits" but that could be a lot of projection on my part so I thought I would just ask people directly. What are peoples' nuances to that, what do and don't you count and why? I'm particularly curious about the why if anybody is willing to share about that.
     
  12. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    Keep track every time you relapse. Look at what's triggering it, and realize how you can avoid those triggers. Then it will be easier to get a streak going.
     
  13. I don't want to orgasm for 90 days because of the psychological effect of having one. I'm single now but if I get into a relationship I will just have to explain it to her and if she's fine with that, I'll just have to give her lots and lots of oral lol.
     
  14. If you really have an addiction, you should realize that you cant quit on your own. That is in its very definition - inability to quit.
    You have to bring other people who you trust in to this, and they can then attempt to help you. Yes this places you in to position of vulnerability, but at the same time it makes you accountable.

    When I worked on this problem, I did not have full out addiction, I was causal user and fairly light at that, one of the core things I did was to relate to the the people I was watching.
    I began to see different picture, it was no longer beautiful women posing for my amusement, now, I saw insecure frightened women, who deserved better. It was disillusioning and I felt in many ways disguised, and this realization made it rather easy to stop. Do your best to see the person in the content for what they are, try to understand what they are really feeling and not what they are showing. This takes sexuality out of it and make you very self aware.
     
  15. Nadoor

    Nadoor New Fapstronaut

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    The urge to watch lasts about 5 to 10 minutes and then will die off if you don't act on it.
    When you feel the urge to get a porn fix, go out and do something else. Read news, watch YouTube reviews, go for a walk, bike or hike. It is no easy task. I tried it by putting more effort into sports and trying to minimize free time alone. If I am alone and no one is at home, I take my bike and go out and I dont feel free to act.
    It will take time, effort and you will have.multiple fails. This is expected. You can join a local SA group as well. Keep a calendar of the days you dont act on the urge and give.yourself a pat on the back. I compare it my son's behavioral modification chart, when he succeeds he get a check mark. When he fails we talk and see why. It does work but takes time.
    Hope this helps.
     
  16. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Fapstronaut

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    Think of this as like trying to quit smoking. You rarely succeed upon the first try, but each time you try, you gain resistance and built upon prior successes. Even if you only quit for a few hours, that's a start. Be patient and persistent, and you can eventually dig yourself out of this hole.
     
  17. Spartan Shibz

    Spartan Shibz Fapstronaut

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    Be patient with yourself. Take each day as it comes. Focus on the day. Write down things that you are grateful for. If you have persistent dark thoughts , you should definitely speak to someone about that.

    You can learn from your relapse. Please watch the video. It's very helpful.



    You can have the life you envision. But you have to have courage. Never give up!
     
  18. motion2082

    motion2082 Fapstronaut

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    You need to fail a few times and really feel what Porn is doing to you mentally. Only then can you get stronger. Embrace your weaknesses and become a stronger man.
     

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