Something i Want to Tell you All (Motivation)

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Theultimatefighter_21, Oct 15, 2018.

  1. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fapstronauts! i'm really sorry for my horrible English, but i will try anyway.

    "My life would be SO much better if i had a Girlfriend..."

    You probably already said that. Yeah, me too, and many times, but recently i finally came to a realization, and i think this tought is something to be spread.

    Getting a Girl... Why is that idea so deeply caved in our minds? Maybe because we're lonely? Maybe because we're really THAT needy of love and care? No... That's not the answer.

    I've always failed... Every single attempt to do NoFap was a failure for me, and i couldn't understand why. I was so motivated, and even like that...

    But, after so much time and so many failures, i came to a conclusion... The Girls were "doing that to me".

    How? Well, all my attempts had only one main basis: Getting a Girl. I always did it with the tought of getting a girlfriend. Well, i've been lonely since i know myself as human, and it's completely natural to want some companion, but in my case, it was sickening. I wanted that... I wanted someone that would love me so badly... And that's why i always relapsed... Over and over again. As soon as i could notice that the girls weren't looking specially to me or anything, i gave up... I was so broken inside.

    I could see this, but i couldn't see in which part i was wrong. I was doing the right thing, but in the wrong way. And then, one day, in the silence and thinking about the failure i was, i finally came to a conclusion.

    You don't want a girl. You don't want to love someone. You want something that heals your pain.

    Exactly. All this time, i wasn't looking around for a girlfriend. I was looking for the "pills to heal my pain". I didn't wanted to love someone. I just wanted a place to rest my head. And soon i started to think: "Okay, now you got a girlfriend... And then? What are you going to do? Do you really love her? Is your life going to change in any way?" There were many "No s" as answers.

    I realized that getting a girl wouldn't change anything. It would only make my situation worse. She wouldn't heal my wound, even because that's impossible, and my life would be even more messed up than before, because now, i would have the weight of her feelings in my back, and i couldn't simply hurt and discart her after discovering she wasn't the key. The only one who can do it is myself.

    I'm the only one that can heal my own pain. I'm the medicine to my own sickness. And, after realizing that, i changed my goals.

    Before: "I want to become the 'Chick Magnet'".

    Now: "I want to become the '2.0' version of myself".

    You cannot do it for anyone esle than yourself. You'll just fail if you do that. Invest in yourself: Become Smarter, Communicative, Happier... Make every day a new day. Do the things you always wanted to. Stop being so needy and be yourself! Do something about this pain and see how it happens. You are better than that and you know you are! And soon or later, the right person will appear.

    But please... Stop involving other person in the process.
     
  2. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, part of the recovery process is no longer relying on trying to meet expectations of others. The goal is to focus on yourself and being happy with where you are in life rather than trying to match your standards to others, especially a "future girlfriend". Good post, many people enter NoFap for the wrong reasons.
     
    Buddhabro likes this.
  3. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    well, here we go again, if you feel lonely, I suggest you chase after life instead because life is full of possibilities especially when we are young and not old. When I started to get busy with my life goals and accomplishments, I started to have more faith in myself and to not focus so much on women and my urges are dying down in the end.
     
  4. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Well yeah, the rest of his post pretty much states that this is a bad idea and why you should focus on your own life goals and accomplishments instead.
     
    Atlanticus likes this.
  5. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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  6. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    I know there are many in this website who are currently struggling and relapsing for the same reason, and seeing that isn't a good thing. We should do what we can to support our comrades in this fight. Use our own life experiences to help them.
     
    Belladisa likes this.
  7. Outstanding post!
     
  8. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Yes, one thing I've realized is that my longest streaks happened when I was an active member on this form helping others. When you help others, you help yourself by reaffirming your own beliefs while learning on your way. An interesting read for everyone interested: The Benefits of Addicts Helping Others.
     
    Iceberg, Buddhabro and Nekkhamma like this.
  9. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    A girlfriend should be a healthy addition, not some idol or the center of your life.
     
  10. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Ra's Al Ghuls right. The center of your life should be focused on fighting criminals and bringing justice. Better start your combat training in the Himalayas.
     
    Nekkhamma and Ra's Al Ghul like this.
  11. torrace

    torrace Fapstronaut

    This is so true!

    I suppose as we grow older and wiser, we learn that people and items alone cannot fulfill or complete us. We got to improve and work on ourselves first. Otherwise, if we get a partner whilst we are still broken and hurt, we might only hurt our partners more.
     
    Nekkhamma and Ra's Al Ghul like this.
  12. Nekkhamma

    Nekkhamma Fapstronaut

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    Great thread, my fellows!!!
     
  13. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    good -- except for that young-old stuff. luckily, there are a gazillion ays to grow in the 2nd half of your life -- and all the more consciously so for having lived through the 1st. good luck!
     
  14. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    thank you bud.
     
  15. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    LOL. Maybe he should focus on fighting his demons like his urges instead. Let the police deal with the criminals. It is a tough job.
     
  16. Starlord27

    Starlord27 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for this post,its really motivating because its very relatable to me,thank you very much.
     
  17. Nekkhamma

    Nekkhamma Fapstronaut

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    Fight those criminals of greed, anger, and delusion! Those bastards are hard to round up and keep in line :)
     
  18. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    Yes, yes and yes.
     
    Nekkhamma likes this.
  19. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Urges got me like...
     
  20. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    lol good one you!!!! :D :D
     

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