Something powerful I learned about dating and "being an asshole" from nofap so far

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Bran, Jan 23, 2014.

  1. Bran

    Bran Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    Recently i have been talking to this girl and we're going out Saturday, yadda yadda. The last few days though she has been pretty standoffish and hasn't texted me back yadda yadda. So I started to get those doubtful thoughts--you all know what I mean--like, "Oh man, why happened? Is it something with me? Am i being weird? Is she interested in someone else now?" and so on.

    Then I remembered my blossoming sex drive and how I really wanted to sleep with girls now. Then I got to thinking WAIT. HOLD ON. It is WAY too early to get to caught up about this one girl, wayyy too soon. So I decided to dial back my interests from seeing her as a potential girlfriend to seeing her as a pretty girl I'd love to get to know and sleep with.

    Now I know, I know, a lot of guys, myself included, are probably thinking, "Hey man. That's so weak. You're objectifying and trying to use this girl for sex yadda yadda," and normally, I would fall into that thinking too. But my new sex drive is putting me into a new mental paradigm:
    See, this mindset has taken me from a weak and insecure emotional state into a motivated, excited, strong state of mind. My fear of rejection and such seemed to leave me.

    Now this isn't an end. I'm not just going to chase after her to sleep with her as quick as possible (although if something happened I wouldn't be offended haha) but rather the idea is to USE THIS SEXUAL ENERGY to stay in the game! To keep your mind and your thoughts healthy, and to keep you from brooding about how things "might not work out."

    I never thought I would be thinking this way, I always thought I was "too good" to be one of "those guys" (what a douchebag I was). Now I understand.

    What do you guys think? have you experienced similiar phenomena? This was kind of hard for me to explain, so ask if I'm unclear haha.
     
  2. SP Wild

    SP Wild Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I find girls can sense when you are putting them upon a pedestal...too soon.

    When I find interest in a girl...I signal my interest...be funny yadda, yadda...then being sure she is aware...I do the same with other girls. This has never failed to get the attention I want from the girl I like.

    At first her reaction upon interest is like what all girls, I find do. She thinks to herself "he wants to just fuck me like every other guy". Then I put doubts in her mind when I do exactly the same with EVERYBODY.

    She then thinks...wow...maybe he is just being nice, he seems to just be like that...to everyone. Then you flip it around again...showing her more attention...then back down etc etc....yeah like what I do in fishing when I get a bite. I reel in...then let it swim away...then reel in...etc

    If she isn't interested - that is OK...I move on.
     
  3. Yeah I know this phenomenon. It's called: "I don't have self-confidence but if I can fuck every girl I has the chance that would mean that I'm such a MAN.
    It doesn't matter if I ravage my emotional state, or if I hurt her (without both of you knowing), because I don't have feelings, because feelings are so gay.
    I'm gonna be a sexual tyrannosaurus and oh my, if you are a pretty girl, beware!!! I'll be the hunter and you're my prey!"

    What else to say? Immature, childish.
    Solution: grow up, grow a spine. That would benefit y'all.
     
  4. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Haha, ah man, I just so wish that all men and women on this planet were obliged to wear, on their foreheads, some sort of a screen that would display all their thoughts on a current basis. Let's say, for a month. I bet NOONE, especially in the countries of the western civilization, would be willing to have any sort of dates, or even lower-level interaction.

    Can you imagine sitting with a girl you're dating in the restaurant and reading on her forehead-screen things like: "well... he seems rather cute, maybe not a 10/10, but generally fine. By ex was much more handsome, but hey, he was an asshole, so we'll see about this guy. I wonder if he's good in bed. Well, my ex was. Oh, and what now, is he trying to be funny? Nope, mate, that joke wasn't funny at all, but yeah, I'll laugh anyway just to be nice."

    And then the girl would be reading things on the guy's forehead like: "hmm... I wonder what's hidden beneath that blouse... These seem to be some nice titties. Dayum, I think I'll have a go with this chick. Maybe I'll even invite her to the movies and then see if she digs me, so perhaps we could proceed all the way to the third base. But then, I don't know about that porn-induced ED of mine... I don't wanna screw this up, and I'm obviously NOT telling her about my problems, because she'd think I'm some kinda pervert, or weirdo at best."

    ___

    But I know how you're feeling, generally. I had a date last Wednesday, and been going through all this. But if there WAS a thought-displaying screen on my forehead, the girl would be reading things like: "damn, I feel so lonely in this world. I really wish that girl would just give me a hug or allow me to sleep on her legs and stroke my hair with her hand a little. But, eh, I don't even know the chick too much, so that'll probably have to wait. I only wish I had the courage to open my feelings to her completely, so we wouldn't have to be talking about bullshit now. But that would probably scare her away.

     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2014
  5. Bran

    Bran Fapstronaut

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    Hey, EarthDragon, your response sounds a lot like I would react to what I said, I know. But that's not what I meant. The point I was trying to make was the importance of using that sexual Energy to keep you in perspective and keep things light when you're just dating/talking to a new girl. I found focusing on it takes me off of those little doubts and insecurities that tend to crop up WAY before things are anywhere serious. It's not about "feelings are gay," of to "fuck every girl," but rather keeping your feelings in check with someone new, and gradually revealing them to her in time only when appropriate.

    Ekhangel, yes! That would be so awful haha. I can relate to your inner monologue.
     
  6. SP Wild

    SP Wild Fapstronaut

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    Made me laugh.

    In my experience, I come very tuned in to what people around me are "generally" thinking after building up my powers. Not as specific as knowing the inner dialogue, but I guess through body language that betrays what everyone is kinda thinking.
     
  7. Siddharta

    Siddharta Fapstronaut

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    Why can't we all just be normal human beings who doesn't put girls on a pedestal but doesn't want to fuck everything that moves either?
     
  8. Siddharta

    Siddharta Fapstronaut

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    this guy gets it
     
  9. Bran

    Bran Fapstronaut

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    Man, you guys missed my point entirely, which I understand because that's how my post sounds to me to an extent as well, so perhaps that's my fault.

    Perhaps you've developed beyond all of this and if so my hat goes off to you. Again, I mean to stress the usefulness your sexual energy can lend when you're just getting to know a girl. It sounds like being an insecure "asshole," but it isn't (though that depends how you apply this energy). It also isn't being an asshole to talk to a lot of girls and to keep your distance emotionally (as to not be creepy or hurt yourself) until one you really like responds to your light affection. That's smart. For me, this energy is motivation to seek out a real relationship without coming on too strong too soon.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2014
  10. Fappernofapping

    Fappernofapping Fapstronaut

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    I've been there dude! Although I learned through making mistakes rather than abstaining from fapping. I do get the sexual energy boost from abstaining, which is why Im here. But yeah, your thoughts on how to handle steady interactions with one chick is on point. You're on the path to success my friend
     
  11. Bran

    Bran Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for understanding, man! Also, great pseudonym.
     

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