Sometime's I just want to give up on everything!

DUDE let me tell you, I am 27 years old only now did I had my GF, since before NoFap i was freaking socially awkward, I would feel self-pity, thinking whats the point.
I was like this for so long actually ever since i watched Porn and wank to it. Low self-esteem manifest in giving me OCD symptoms, I was obsession over walking, heart beat, my saliva, sexual orientation. etc It was scary, I would get incest thoughts around my family and giving anal to my cats, it was terrifying.

I relapsed twice, first time on day 72 and next time on day 27 but you see now I actually feel more love for myself, by preserving my sexual energy I'm direction that flow into more important thing. Self-build for if one can't love himself, how can he/she ever love another

I would only slow them down. So I'm done feeling pity, I'm exercising, I actually called for work, got on that meeting and now hopefully I should have it by next week Then I leave this stressful place I used to call home. My father was a drunk and my mother was a scared person, so I would stick around instead of looking into building my own life.
Porn and masturbation was my relief at times, but it was also what gave me low self-esteem, with lack of energy I had, I would look around and compare my life to others, my body to others, even sometimes feeling its attraction when all it was simple jealous, envy or admiration.

dude, walk with nature, find yourself. Don't neglect your mind body and soul.
Start to self-build to gain that self love so you'll not going to do what your EX did to you. With whoever you will be next you'll not be a burden to them, but a person of love, and you'll be able to share that same love with them. That capable person, that strong shadow, with a posture that screams this man is confident and proud living in his own skin.

Low self-esteem = observation and compare = heavy burden to himself = ego

Don't let the world scare you, nobody can guide you but yourself.
Sexual energy makes new life, but its also the energy of creation/build so spend it wisely.
Don't let ego get to you.

We people here believe in you you got this

 

Look man, I typed something but the computer just deleted all that I had wrote. Go figure, right? I will say it simply. I'm the same age as you. 29, I have the same feelings as you do - a lot.
My dream is to get out of the US. People question me as to why this is, they even ask me aggressively or angrily as to why I don't like it here; that should be one reason as to why I want to get out of here. It's unaccepting. I want something far simpler/different. I don't want to have to watch movies about simpler and more fulfilling places; I want to go there. I also don't want to be sold that shit about "moving up the ladder" here, and making it work for you. It's coercive. I see myself in another culture, where it's more relaxed. Where people take the time to enjoy the simple things, relish and love one another, and life is about other things other than, work, money...ever increasing status, etc. I see myself in a different culture, doing different things, not chasing the same things that everybody here, is.

It's the same old story, for me. Want something simpler.
I messed up bigtime. Sometimes, you don't know you're wrong until you find out, or someone tells you. In your own eyes you are right. I blamed everybody around me or everything. I didn't work hard for myself, I took the easy way out. I think pmo did this to me Honestly. I went to bunch of shrinks growing up, all of which who encouraged my porn habits and saw nothing wrong with it. ....I took a bunch of meds they gave me. I turned away from God, my whole life was screwed up, and on the wrong rail. I did the wrong things. I honestly think that if I'd been aware of dangers of porn/known some about it, the addiction. Things would have been different, today.
That's just how it is. Pick up your Quran. The best instruction is just to read it.
Up until last year, I'd never read my own Bible...and I have always had it around me.
Don't be angry, understand that life is toil, and struggle, and work...but that's how it is. It's just how it is. If you have a dream, if you work to get to where you want to be, you might get there. But if you don't, you just won't. If you're not feeling this way, something is wrong - and you are not living your life, but having your life lived while you sleep. Look at how many people are alive like this.
Don't give up on yourself. The world has plenty of demagnetized, lost people. ... please don't be another one of these.

I just wanted to say to you, be strong and always keep striving toward what you want for your life, your goal.
I pray for you. Focus on what works...humble yourself, and find yourself. And then go run with it.

To have a dream you have to have one.
To have a life you have to work at it.
To have a self you can't sell it down the river... but you have to be yourself. Find yourself.

I want friends here, but Im scared. ...I don't know why, I think I'm afraid of people here, to me they seem... untrustworthy. People come and go/ and there are always strings seeming to be attached. I don't know... I crave basic things, like friendships and spending time with people. But no one talks to eachother here. I have neighbors I've been around for months and haven't even said 'hi'. Everything's so busy here.
I want stability. ...maybe that's the reason I want to move and leave and go to some place simpler, where deeper relationships may flourish.
I find it hard to open to people here, only to like have them leave later.
That's how I feel, at least, but being lonely sucks. I have to figure something out with this. I have a hard time trusting people, but ironically enough - I feel if I were in some simple town or something, and just met some man on the road and talked with him, got to know him... I"d invite him into my home and we would be best friends.
It's not like that here. People are always hiding themselves, concealing. angling it seems like. because it's a vicious environment and everyone's competitive. There's no where for people to go to hang out, here. ...just relax. There's starbucks...and even that's rushed/ and stressful. I think America's designed for that, which is why I want to leave.
I don't know where I may meet people and develop these deep friendships... other than joining groups and cramming myself awkwardly into some thing like everyone else. It is hard, I don't know.
I just want the simple things.
You can't overlook things that are right in front of you, or hold grudges - like I do. I wasn't even aware of it. .. I was just mad at/with the world, because I felt scared. I think that's why a lot of people are like it. It will just come back on you, you have to be grateful, see things clearly and open yourself up to, what's in front of you.

 

It does exist. They do still exist, you have to believe it. I've seen it, with my own eyes. It's just not in the places you expect to find.

It's in the low places. ...Check the low places. Keep checking where the billboards and flashing signs pointing you aren't.

I would pick up your Quran.