I wouldn't say my husband is doing well in recovery. Actually, he isn't in "recovery" at all. He has abstained from acting out with P for over a year (as far as I know), but that is all. Of course, I'm happy about that, but abstinence does not equal recovery. He's abstained for lengths of time before...but with no recovery work ever done, it's just a matter of time before it all falls back into the addiction.
Except this time I know better. I know what recovery means and the difference between that and sobriety. I won't let myself be fooled into believing everything is all better and PA is in the past to stay like I have so many times before. He thinks his work is done. Like many addicts, he wants to believe he's different and that he can just choose to never act out again....after repeating this cycle for almost 30 years....and that's all he has to do.
Conveniently for him, by thinking that way, in his mind it puts the burden back on me for why our marriage is still broken. If I would "just forgive him and move on," or "quit living in the past and recognize he doesn't do that anymore".... Oddly enough, I believe that my refusal to fall back into the trap is part of the reason he's still abstaining, and if I suddenly started getting comfortable again, it would all fall apart. Again. So, for now, we're just stuck.
I should mention, too, that although he isn't currently using P, there's still a significant amount of p-subs that he considers 'harmless' even though they clearly aren't.