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Sometimes regret committing to NoFap and deleting 4TB porn stash

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Will Lee, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. Will Lee

    Will Lee Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys!

    I started NoFap a couple months ago and my intention was to never PM every again. No porn or masturbation ever again. The first step was obviously deleting the stash that I had spent 4 months building up (it became a full-time job lol).

    However, sometimes PMO starts to become a possibility in my mind and I become deeply regretful of deleting my stash. "I'm going to relapse at some point anyway, why the fuck did I delete my stash!!!?!?!". I feel like my favourites are going to disappear from the web and I'll never see them again, which shouldn't upset me given that I have committed to quitting for good. In truth, it does upset me.


    Anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it?
     
  2. Discouraged

    Discouraged Fapstronaut

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    it is nothing compared to the eternal regret you will feel in hell, the eternal weeping and gnashing of teeth.

    it's not some threat meant to scare you.

    it's simply the complete knowledge and awareness of what you could have been, had you not jerked off to porn. the woman you might have married. the children you might have had. the friends you might have had, all the things that could be.

    it's no God, or something punishing you for being bad, it's just the awareness of the choices you made and how your life could have been different.

    that is to say, yeah you're not really hurting anyone, but yourself but you did not live your life to it's full potential and you will regret that

    the shocking realization of what you were really doing, masturbating to pictures.

    that was the potential of a child, or an intimate relation with a person, or the drive and energy and imagination to concieve of a house or energy to do things, in life that give your life it's meaning.

    well, if that's a bummer or you don't like to hear it, you will hate yourself realizing it someday too
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2019
  3. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    wholy fucking shit, 4tb??? 1 tera per month? lets say 300mb per video, that's like over a 100 videos per day!! GET A LIFE!!! :D hahahaha
    look when you collect videos or produce videos you look at them not quite the same way as the normal porn user. you look at them as little pieces of art and it's only natural that you have a feeling of loss when they're gone. but you have to be completely honest with yourself and understand that they're worthless. really. anybody could have downloaded them, it's not you who produced them, and you'll be the only one who really values them because they're specific to your taste. Which means objectively speaking they have no value at all.
    Subjectively speaking they're also not much to speak off, because real life can meet your taste better than your videos could. Eventually. Because you need to get laid and then you need to work up the courage to live out your sexual fantasies.

    So stop looking at the shiny past, there's a much brighter future ahead, one that you can be proud of.
     
  4. Gratefulforchange

    Gratefulforchange Fapstronaut

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    Buyers remorse. Just like buying a new car and then regretting it! Very normal feeling. I notice you said “I’m going to relapse anyway”. Classic thinking early on.
    I just went through that, delete, delete, delete. And it is scary! That’s my security blanket that I run home to after a bad day. And what about all those favorite girls I deleted? I will miss them I even sometimes thing they will miss me! Lol

    I like the guy above who compared it to saving porn as our own little art that we created. We begin to mourn the loss of something we “created”. Well, a couple of things.
    I didn’t really create anything but a connection with images not people. At least if I break up with a person, I’m grieving the loss of a real person, not a video.
    I “created” a prison for myself. And that prison is the only home I’ve known for a long time. The outside word is scary! Like a con, I will learn how to live life “outside the walls”.
    Memories. I’ve created a lot of memories that now kick my ass. I want to start creating new memories that don’t take me down the drain.
    Keep talking keep posting and keep strong! Whatever we gotta do to change.
    I’m really glad you posted this. Good reminder for me this morning.
     
  5. Try to keep positive. On one hand, you should have plenty of storage space now freeing up 4TB. Holy cow dude, that’s a ton of videos!

    I noticed one thing you said - “I’m gonna relapse at some point anyway”. Yeah, you might but don’t approach it with that mindset. Stay focused on your goals and how you envision ideal yourself and the life you want to live. I’m sure it’s not being behind a screen waiting for the progress bar to reach the end on your hundredth download.
     
  6. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Wow much recognition over here. I have had to delete all the pics of my ex that I was doing fetish like PMO to for years before our relationship came to an end. I watched a lot of porn yes but also became HEAVILY attached to a version of my ex I created by myself in the fetish PMO sessions.
    Now to throw away all that, more than a year after she broke up with me, while still being addicted to PMO, femdom and her pics... that's why I recognize the feelings you describe.
    But just don't look back. There will be many times these feelings will be triggered. Feel them, and see them for what they are; a facade. It's fake and not good for us. Then go on and don't get stuck in these thoughts and imaginations. Cut it short and dont look back.
     
  7. When my brain tries to engage in revisionist history to persuade me Porn wasn't/isn't that bad for me, I need to remind myself of the REAL history. How did it make me feel. What were my consequences. Etc. I'm convinced the longer we go without it, the more power it will lose. But it takes whatever time it takes. I want to live in reality (I fail sometimes) not porn-induced fantasy.
     
    AspiringVitality likes this.
  8. Will Lee

    Will Lee Fapstronaut

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    Each video was like 5gigs, son. Only the best...only the best.
     

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