Soon to be 40 year old virgin, failed as a man, what am I??

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Aug 28, 2019.

  1. He is right. When I was slightly younger—a few years before now—all I wanted was a relationship and so I was more controlled, more maintained and a bit of a chastity was wrapped around me. I was perceived by women as more valuable and because I wasn’t peering at every women, they saw me as more attractive. But now, as I am very horny and not as leashed as before: I look at every women with lustful eyes-every women who even have horrible personalities.

    Imagine what you want out of someone you can see dating, foresee your relationship and what you would do together. Imagine these things, and try not to seem desperate. Exclusivity in controllability
    koolpal and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Rohieth

    Rohieth Fapstronaut

    It really is NO SHAME at all, that you're a virgin, bro. None at all!!

    Because of NoFap, I have realised how special my first time would have been, if it was with someone special.

    Rather, you work on your social skills and try to talk to a girl and have a great first time, with her Than doing it with a prostitute, you could care less about.

    You are blessed, my friend. You are not a loser. The losers are your friends, who didn't realise how special that feeling is of losing your virginity with someone special.

    Trust me.
  3. Remember that our life is focused not only on sex.
    Surely you can do many things, you perhaps are appreciated on your job, you have friends and/or relatives who love you, you can have some hobby or play some sport...
    So, you are not a failure. Remember that if you call yourself a failure, other people will look at you as a failure. A grocer would never sell anything if he told his customers "my tomatoes are not very ripe, my courgettes are not very tasty, my beans are of poor quality". Certainly we should not pose as proud and vain, but neither should we present ourselves to others with an attitude of self-pity and always and only highlighting our defects. Try to appreciate more yourself for who you are, and if you don't like some aspect of yourself and you can change it, change. But be always yourself, people appreciate us as we are, not when we try to imitate others or to assume attitudes that are not ours. A real friend doesn't try to make us change, he appreciates us as we are, albeit helping us to resolve or improve certain negative aspects of our life.
    Hold on!
    Dermaus and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Thank you everyone for you kind replies. I almost didn't return here, as I figured I'd be met with "LOL what a joke" and "just go to the gym, bro" as is so common on other sites. But the people here are kind. I'm going to concentrate on simply surviving till the end of the year and my new year's goal with be to completely do away with PMO. For the rest of the year, I'm going to prepare myself. I already have gone 3 days without looking at porn.
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  5. VDUB

    VDUB Fapstronaut

    I am 27 and still a virgin, I was struggling with that sort of thought as well.

    Talking with family has put it in perspective for me. They say, be glad you dont have a bunch of random kids like some people do that sleep around. A lot of guys have child support to deal with. There are a lot of broken homes and fatherless children running around because of the "casual sex" attitude society has.

    I think you need fulfillment, something to strive for. Man I am telling you, I have seen people that are 50+ years old that were living their best lives as single folks. Some people find purpose in the Church, others find it in volunteer organizations. Just being a good friend to your friends can be fulfilling.
  6. Well done and yes I can see your method. I would say yes go to the gym an exercise, because it is very important. I haven’t exercised in months and my body has begun to morph into an unattractive sight, so yes, do so, but find a new hobby that excites you and brings you to life, allows you to smile inside and out!

    This will give you more of a reason I live as well as enjoying everything. One hobby can create happiness in all areas of life
  7. m0vingf0rward

    m0vingf0rward Fapstronaut

    Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. One day at a time.
  8. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

    Sorry for your situation, you couldn't expect to have good sex the first time you have it. Most of the people i know, including myself, had a bad first time and we were in our teen years! Imagine that multiplied 10 times couse you're quiete far from your teens :)

    After the first time i had sex i felt exactly like you feel now, and the girl i had sex with wasn't even a prostitute.

    My advice is to not give up, prostitute or not try to have sex a bunch of times, and keep going on nofap of course.
  9. 2974629562994628

    2974629562994628 Fapstronaut

    Why do you base your success as a man on whether or not you've had sex before? Don't you think that's a bit narrow minded?
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  10. Will Lee

    Will Lee Fapstronaut

    Shit mate, sounds like youre having a rough time of it. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. However, I have good news for you. You're not broken, you're not a failure. You're just fine. It's just your vision is being blocked by this big monster people have created in your head. I have a story that might help.

    One day, when I was really depressed, I wrote a list of all the things I didn't like about myself. The list was pretty long, maybe 30 things. After a while I had forgotten about the list.

    A month later, i found the list and could not stop laughing at how much of a miserable cunt I was. I couldn't believe that I was in a state where I was that miserable about my life.

    What changed? Nothing on the list changed. Everything I didn't like about myself was still present but my mindset had changed. I learned about gratitude and practiced gratitude for that month. I had spent so long tunnel visioning on the stuff that was terrible about my life that I didn't even consider the things that were great about my life. I wasn't that attractive but shit man, I was in perfect health. PERFECT FUCKING HEALTH, how amazing is that!? My family is really poor but I'm 1st world poor! I have food, a house, clothes, I'm doing great!

    What I'm trying to say is that this one issue that is huge to you, is blocking your view from all the blessings you have been given and all the great attributes you possess.

    You're not a failure.
  11. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

    Well, you are a 40 year old virgin. You think you are a loser, and many others do, but...
    ... if you find a woman, with whom you start a relationship she will be happy, cause she knows she is your first and only one.

    And that is something many woman are wishing for, but many guys can’t give that, but you can!

    @Failed Man for me you are not a failure, you are a failure when you give up, and stop working on yourself, then yes, then you truly are a failure, but not because you are virgin.
    I am also a virgin, and I am happy that I did not change woman like socks.

    I really wished that I even never came in contact with porn.

    Keep going, work on yourself, don’t give up!
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  12. Great post but then i got confused at the end^^
  13. I wish you the best of luck
  14. zakes

    zakes Fapstronaut

    Take it one day at a time, soon you will be in better space and might even have confidence to socialize with woman..

    How often do you watch porn and masturbate?
  15. potso

    potso Fapstronaut

    well what makes us as failures as u said is porn, but i don't think being virgin even at40 years old means failure;)
  16. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut


    it starts now man. not next year. That's the attitude that got you to the place you are at right now. We are supposed to survive every day. you can build today. Choose to build today. I don't have women to choose from, but I will say that at some point I realized that once you can impress yourself, you will notice other people you desire will start to get impressed by you.
  17. Koloz

    Koloz Fapstronaut

    you'll make it
  18. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    you need to stop with your toxicity
  19. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

    Yeah there may be a few! But not every woman!
  20. Just saw this. I know you responded to my other thread. Sorry I hadn’t responded to yours here.

    Well, I’m 52 and just now trying to start socializing and meet women after decades of porn use. It’s not easy but I think it will be worth the effort.

    Been reading books, going out and making the mistakes, and learning from the mistakes and from the readings.

    Don’t give up.

    Hope you’ll stay here with the forum even though it does have some major issues as you stated.

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