SO's cam addiction

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by rythuse, May 19, 2019.

  1. rythuse

    rythuse New Fapstronaut


    it's my first post here and frankly, I am desperate.

    A year ago I have found out that my bf off 3 years (long distance) is heavily addicted to cam sites where he streams himself and pays for private shows for the girls to watch him/ masturbate with him. He has been doing that for hours at a time, every time he's got some free time.
    When I caught him, he admitted to that, said he needs help etc etc all the bullshit.
    Since then I have caught him 4 times (I an sure there was more but I don't have access to his pc). Begging, crying, screaming, leaving, calmly talking - nothing worked.
    I have talked with him and he's agreed to install accountability software, but every time he's just wiped his hard drive clean after a week or so.
    Today we are arguing (as every day) with me begging him to install some porn filters (not necesarilly software that will allow me to check on him) and he tells me I am overreacting, blabling, pissing him off and that he (the most fucking pathetic excuse) he is too lazy to install them! And if I want to believe that he is soing it again (which he is ofc not) so be it.
    He is angry at me every time I ask him to take some action that will reaffirm me that he is not camming, he just balantly ignores me.
    I am SO HURT and tired.
    Should I wait for him, should I talk with him or finally, should I fucking dump his ass finally.
    I am just so sad. I am tired. I am nothing.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    Sad, tired, angry, hurt, exhausted? Yes. Nothing, no. You are not nothing. I know it feels that way. I may be a little biased right now because of my situation but you are still early in the relationship and he doesn't sound ready to do the work and get better. It may be better for you to walk. It will only get harder the longer it goes on. If he was putting in the work I would say there may be hope. He has to do the work because he knows he needs it. Without that it is a loosing battle.
  3. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    Ya...seriously...let the relationship go. If he wants you he will do whatever it takes to break his addiction. The longer you stay, you risk getting deeper and deeper traumatized. Decide what your bottom line is, present I to him, and let the cards fall where they may.
    Good luck and ALWAYS make sure you take care of you.
    onceaking, vxlccm, Susannah and 4 others like this.
  4. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    Totally agree.

    Cam sites are basically the line where many of us porn users (PA in the lingo here) would call viewing as "cheating" even if we do not see pictures and videos that way.

    If he is being that defensive and belittling about such an obvious relationship killer, time to do what he seems to want you to do, and just leave. Maybe he thought he could back you into agreement that his habit was OK and then he could have his addiction and keep you too, but don't be that victim.

    You are not nothing. In fact, I hope you are one thing most of all.

  5. I agree with what's been said already. He is not acting like someone who cares about the relationship, and he certainly isn't acting like someone who's sincerely trying to rid himself of the addiction.

    If he admitted himself that he needs help, what has he done to get that help? Has he joined a support group, seen a therapist, sought out resources to learn more about the addiction and what it takes for recovery...anything?

    If he's done nothing to help himself, and he's angry and resistant at any attempts you make to support him in recovery, then I think it's clear that the only thing he cares about is protecting his addiction. I'm sorry because I know how much that hurts, but you will only be further injuring yourself to continue in this situation as it is.
  6. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    I agree with all above. You are stronger than you think, worth far more than he has made you feel. Pick yourself up and move on from him. Take care of you.
  7. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

    Run far away and find someone who values you <3
    ItsYaBoy, vxlccm, Susannah and 4 others like this.
  8. I agree with all said above. I know that's a terrible thing to read. There are people on this planet who are quite up for hurting us because of their own issues and who THEY are.
    It's not about rejecting you or who you are current person whose willing to stand there and be abused!
    I've had 2 men with this problem ( which at the time I didn't even know existed). The first was an extreme sex addict ( cam sites were the best of what he did)...he said he could never face what he has done, he will never recover, and can never seek help because he could not live with himself. He wanted a woman who would join him in his Fucked up life. As i am not that woman - i was of no value. But I AM OF GREAT VALUE - and getting rid of him was the best thing I ever did. YOU FIND CAM SITES RUN!
    My most recent partner has a problem too - mostly images- and he has done everything he can to face himself. Everbody is different.

    Psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists exist and most of them have this problem - They will not change for anybody. If he's just an 'addict ' ....he has made his choice clear.

    *now you get to make your choice!

    *please look after you - if you need support and help go find it for you - love you cause you are the very best thing you have*
    Susannah and Numb like this.

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