I keep failing nofap. Even before nofap I was trying to stop fapping. Ever since I started doing it at 10 years old I always tried to stop myself from jerking off. Nothing helps me. I have reached the point where I have tried absolutely everything; Blockers (some of which I paid £ for) getting rid of my smartphone, Cold showers, fasting, exercise, praying to God, meditation, eating healthy, deleting social media, putting devices in other rooms, wearing underwear to bed, distractions, creative endeavours, reading, telling someone (in my case my mum and my dad), seeing a Councillor (didn't tell her about my addiction because she was a woman and I didnt feel the need to), mind tricks like urge surfing, emotion processing and STAR, surfing these forums and the internet, being religious, staying in contact with an AP on here for 2 years straight, tracking my progress on an excel chart, I have been through two online recovery programs which cost me £, I have watched countless YouTube videos on the topic. I have concluded I am severely addicted to PMO and MO. If I dont PMO then I find it difficult to get through the night time without MO. It pisses me off in the morning when I have yet another cum stain on my bed-sheets and I have to take a shower. It would piss anyone off when this has happened to them for more than half their life. If I have blockers I find a way around them or I fap to pics of girls I know/used to know and fap to at school. I am a VG Can never get a GF because they are haram, But I have no idea how to make a true friend let alone a GF because I have been moving house all my life (thanks mum and dad, I have lived in 11 different houses in my life and 6 cities and 4 countries). I started finding girls attractive at age 7 used to fantasise way back then (is that even normal) first MO to O at age 10 was hooked to it and was doing it daily/multiple x per day, found P age 11 then it got worse. Brought my own smartphone at age 13 because I was already bullied when everyone had one at school. All the time trying not to do PMO. Started researching harmful effects age 14, because I was a loser at school and I realised it was because of what my hands had literally earned. Age 16 joined nofap and found an AP here, some success but nothing major. Moved back to my home country, committed myself to never fapping again. lasted 6 days, got so pissed off I smashed my smartphone. Then my easymode streaks started rising 20 day, 30 days , 40 days got to the high point at 56 days. Hardmode streaks were harder though (surprise) and record was 9 days but on average it was like 3 days between MOs. At 56 days easymode Found PMO repulsive and hadnt had p urges for days. Felt good. But then guess what? relapsed again. Then my streaks got shorter. moved house again and begun binging because I really missed my old city and all the people I had met and the things I had done. Started watching fetish crap again aswell. I had to look forward to going to uni full time (with a commute of 1.5 hours) having to work a hugely stressful supermarket job to get £9,250 a year to pay my student fees which the British government takes a away from its own citizens and gives the money to foreigners, immigrants and refugees . Cant get a Loan because my parents said no and it is haram in my religion. I want to finish my degree early. I want to get this phase of my life out of the way ASAP and move on to a settled life and do things which are good. I miss being able to plan my week and have a routine all the time. Everything feels stressful but it wouldn't be so bad if I could just stop fapping. Recently the last year I have been binging. The last good streak I had was a year ago, went 28 days easy mode. I have been binging to the point of loosing count. Im talking full days of PMO, 7 or more MOs in a session. No access to P seems to be no problem for my addiction because I will just find internet pics of my old crushes or hot girls, failing that there is always my mind. I have thought that maybe I dont really want to quit. I dont know what to do next. Sometimes I think If I can just do one day then I will do that the next day until I am rebooted. Somtimes I try to forget about all the pain and just lead a life as if I am not addicted. But I will always end up jerking off at night, loosing my motivation and then just binging the shit out of myself. Sometimes I binge in between video games to take my mind off what I am actually doing. Or I even binge in between watching videos of NOfap. I just fapped to an old crush I had at school, using tiktok videos, Maybe I am seeking comfort in this experience. Why have I been doomed to this life. What have I done that has earned me this? I used to feel it was my destiny to do nofap but I have realised that the truth is the opposite, because I have seen the events unfold in front of my own eyes countless times. I have fallen to the dark side, I have become the ultimate coomer.