SOS - What the Hell is happening to me... NEED ADVICE

TheNewDawn106

TheNewDawn106

Fapstronaut
I really need help people. This is from my personal journal

Today was a really hard day. I had constant reoccurring thoughts and desires to go and hook up with this older man who was the first person to get me off. He made me feel amazing and he was very kind, but I just can't...I am straight. I like girls and always have. Thinking about it gave me multiple arousals today. I didn't have any desires too look at porn but I did have some to meet this guy. If it's not porn, then is it okay? I've read that healthy sex is beneficial to the body and so much more connecting ad involving than masturbating. But I would have never had these desires had I not become addicted to gay porn and wanted to experience it first hand. How can I just continually confuse myself like this...If I give in do I give up? Am I really just bisexual and haven't come to terms with it yet?

So many questions and none have been answered....


~Dawn.
 
I really need help people. This is from my personal journal

Today was a really hard day. I had constant reoccurring thoughts and desires to go and hook up with this older man who was the first person to get me off. He made me feel amazing and he was very kind, but I just can't...I am straight. I like girls and always have. Thinking about it gave me multiple arousals today. I didn't have any desires too look at porn but I did have some to meet this guy. If it's not porn, then is it okay? I've read that healthy sex is beneficial to the body and so much more connecting ad involving than masturbating. But I would have never had these desires had I not become addicted to gay porn and wanted to experience it first hand. How can I just continually confuse myself like this...If I give in do I give up? Am I really just bisexual and haven't come to terms with it yet?

So many questions and none have been answered....


~Dawn.
 
Cravings for just Sex is not a haalthy heart relationship.. healthy sex is emotinal intamacy with a partner when you share mutual love, respect, and support. Not just getting off. Im saying this because the idea that sex is healthy is true, not lust and sex to just check out and use it as a drug.
 
Fork2323 said:
Cravings for just Sex is not a haalthy heart relationship.. healthy sex is emotinal intamacy with a partner when you share mutual love, respect, and support. Not just getting off. Im saying this because the idea that sex is healthy is true, not lust and sex to just check out and use it as a drug.
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Thanks so much for your response. That makes a lot of sense actually.I've felt love respect and support from girls before we just never had sex (and also it was mostly one-sided on my end lol). So emotionally I've always been into girls, but being with him felt so great after years of watching gay porn...Any advice on how I can start to let go of these thoughts and impulses?
 
I don't think anyone here is going to be qualified to answer your question...

It sounds like from your post that you have some history of same gender sex, and that you've had some difficulties with how to self-identify now because of it. I can only offer this small bit of information. There are those that engage in same sex intercourse without feeling that they are 'homosexual' or 'bi-sexual'. To these people, they find satisfaction in having their sexual desires met by someone with which they have no danger of being attracted to, and no want for a relationship. They reason that because there is no danger of 'love', then they don't have to feel guilt over going outside their established relationship. Only you can explore your feelings and motivations to determine if that is you.

(again, I'm not a therapist, just someone that spends alot of time reading about sexuality.) But I've never seen any science based evidence that porn confuses sexual identity. It's possible that after viewing porn you might experience a flash, or after image that happens once. It's also possible to find visuals in porn fascinating/stimulating while at the same time having no desire to actually pursue them in real life. But despite some religious ideology, Porn has never been proven to be a gateway in sexuality.
 
PostiveChange1974 said:
I don't think anyone here is going to be qualified to answer your question...

It sounds like from your post that you have some history of same gender sex, and that you've had some difficulties with how to self-identify now because of it. I can only offer this small bit of information. There are those that engage in same sex intercourse without feeling that they are 'homosexual' or 'bi-sexual'. To these people, they find satisfaction in having their sexual desires met by someone with which they have no danger of being attracted to, and no want for a relationship. They reason that because there is no danger of 'love', then they don't have to feel guilt over going outside their established relationship. Only you can explore your feelings and motivations to determine if that is you.

(again, I'm not a therapist, just someone that spends alot of time reading about sexuality.) But I've never seen any science based evidence that porn confuses sexual identity. It's possible that after viewing porn you might experience a flash, or after image that happens once. It's also possible to find visuals in porn fascinating/stimulating while at the same time having no desire to actually pursue them in real life. But despite some religious ideology, Porn has never been proven to be a gateway in sexuality.
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Hmmm thats a lot to think on. Yes it seems farfetched that porn can sway peoples' minds, and believe me I'm not one for religious ideology lol. I just feel like the "reasoning" you talk about is a similar form of reasoning to watch porn. I don't want a relationship wit this person at all, but I can't deny being excited and even aroused by the thought of exploring more of what we can do together. That being said, I'll never get over the feeling of getting that text from a girl (even tho the girl I'm crushing on isn't getting back to me currently lol). It's literally a case of my mind and body saying two different things...
 
TheNewDawn106 said:
Hmmm thats a lot to think on. Yes it seems farfetched that porn can sway peoples' minds, and believe me I'm not one for religious ideology lol. I just feel like the "reasoning" you talk about is a similar form of reasoning to watch porn. I don't want a relationship wit this person at all, but I can't deny being excited and even aroused by the thought of exploring more of what we can do together. That being said, I'll never get over the feeling of getting that text from a girl (even tho the girl I'm crushing on isn't getting back to me currently lol). It's literally a case of my mind and body saying two different things...
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This sounds like quite a trial you're going through. Stay strong. If your body is telling you to do what your mind is telling you not to, then you'd better let your mind rule your body. We are porn addicts largely because, to our great shame, we let our bodies rule our minds.

Also, I don't understand why you would say that it seems "farfetched that porn can sway peoples' minds...." I don't find it farfetched at all. We gain dopamine-based pleasure rewards from viewing specific sexual acts on screen over and over, desensitizing ourselves each time. Just the simple fact that we become addicted to porn shows that it does indeed have an effect on our minds. Furthermore, you recently posted elsewhere on the same issue, "So emotionally I've always been into girls, but being with him felt so great after years of watching gay porn..." [source] That would suggest that the porn you watched influenced your decision to lie with him.

For my part, I have good reason to believe that my porn addiction is largely responsible for my being self-centered and narcissistic. We are probably not even aware of all the harm done by viewing porn.

At any rate, I hope that you pull through this trial and don't do anything that you will regret later on. If you want your mind to heal, I'd recommend avoiding sexual thoughts entirely, at least for a while. Resisting the urge to fantasize is very effective for keeping one's desires under control.

All the best.
 
P__phonic said:
This sounds like quite a trial you're going through. Stay strong. If your body is telling you to do what your mind is telling you not to, then you'd better let your mind rule your body. We are porn addicts largely because, to our great shame, we let our bodies rule our minds.

Also, I don't understand why you would say that it seems "farfetched that porn can sway peoples' minds...." I don't find it farfetched at all. We gain dopamine-based pleasure rewards from viewing specific sexual acts on screen over and over, desensitizing ourselves each time. Just the simple fact that we become addicted to porn shows that it does indeed have an effect on our minds. Furthermore, you recently posted elsewhere on the same issue, "So emotionally I've always been into girls, but being with him felt so great after years of watching gay porn..." [source] That would suggest that the porn you watched influenced your decision to lie with him.

For my part, I have good reason to believe that my porn addiction is largely responsible for my being self-centered and narcissistic. We are probably not even aware of all the harm done by viewing porn.

At any rate, I hope that you pull through this trial and don't do anything that you will regret later on. If you want your mind to heal, I'd recommend avoiding sexual thoughts entirely, at least for a while. Resisting the urge to fantasize is very effective for keeping one's desires under control.

All the best.
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Thank you so much. I was very scared when I wrote this last night so I probably threw in some phrases I did not mean to give myself some more power...didn't work lol. New day and I'm still thinking about him.

It was very hard to resist those urges last night as it still is this morning...I just want to hit him up and meet up for more fun! It's probably heavily based on our primitive nature to hump, but what he did to me felt so wonderful. I felt no shame, I felt relief and pleasure. Originally I thought it was nothing I wanted to do again but now I feel like it's unavoidable. I just hope that seeing him would not jeopardizing my sobriety. Porn is nothing like healthy and consensual sex, it's so much more. I don't want to love this person, but being with him just that one time changed me.
 
I've had the same problem and the best solution is to get rid of gay porn and get addicted to something that you are really interested in. Like I was interested in music and completely got into it.
For a few days sit calmly and let your thoughts run as they wish. But don't watch porn. After a point of time you'd realise all the thoughts fading away and you'd be releived. Believe me it works. I've tried it and succeeded in it.
 
Porner said:
I've had the same problem and the best solution is to get rid of gay porn and get addicted to something that you are really interested in. Like I was interested in music and completely got into it.
For a few days sit calmly and let your thoughts run as they wish. But don't watch porn. After a point of time you'd realise all the thoughts fading away and you'd be releived. Believe me it works. I've tried it and succeeded in it.
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Thanks! I feel like this makes a lot of sense to me right now...I'm a huge music enthusiast and listen to anything from classical to Japanese rock lol. I'll give this a try and let you know how it goes!
 
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