Soul feels dormant

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Kman20, Sep 1, 2019.

  1. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I think I’ve gotten so used to adult life that I haven’t even noticed that I’ve been aslepe this whole time. Asleep in the sense that I don’t feel truly alive, I mean i have the energy, the motivation, the drive but I feel hallow. I remember during my childhood and I feel during a lot of people my age’s childhood we were so alive and life was so simple and good. We talked to our friends and hung out, socialized, there was so much vitality and we were doing everything we wanted to do as kids and being who we were (except adults because kids want to grow up).

    The point is life was so plentiful. Now as a adult it feels so dead, empty, dry. I don’t know maybe it’s the technology or my way of living but I haven’t felt as alive as I did as a kid for years or as happy.

    How do I or we get this back? Can anyone relate or know what I’m talking about or feel what I’m talking about here ?

    I had a dream about my childhood a few days ago and when I woke up I couldn’t help but feel a major contrast. Like Jeeze I’ve downgraded in terms of happiness and liveliness. My standards for fun and happy have dropped significantly from when I was a kid and I’ve gotten so used to it that I didn’t even notice it. I want to wake up.
     
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking about this some days ago, the fact that everything feels so miserable to a lot of people, I do not understand the reason behind it.
     
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  3. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Would you guess technology ? That is the only real major difference there is from my childhood. I imagine if we weren’t all so sucked into our phones my family would be so much more engaged with each other and more willing to take risks and do things outside of their comfort zone and in effect become more satisfied with life because they don’t have their vices anymore.

    I miss the simplicity of walking home with my best friends and we do nothing but have laughs and chat with each other. Things were simple and happier. Now everything is so tech based. We aren’t as expressive for some reason.
     
  4. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    That feeling you describe is something that I’ve felt before. I think it comes from lack of having meaning in your life. If you ask yourself “why?” And you dont know the answer then you can start there. It could be as simple as asking “why am I waking up and going to work (school)? The answer to that question is the meaning you give to your life. Something that helped me realize that was watching youtube videos from a canadian psychologist named Dr. Jordan Peterson. That guy is a genius!
     
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  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I never walked home with friends as I barely made any real friends while being at school. In fact, in most of the happy moments of my life, technology was involved in some way. I want a robot dog.
     
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  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Do you do things in life and have people in your life that energizes you?

    I enjoy where I am today way more than I did as a child. Childhood was fun because it was mindless and didn't have much responsibilities, but you can do the same with alcohol / escapism. As an adult I get to choose the life that I want to live and the people that I want to be around or at the very least work towards it.

    Feeling numb / dull / bored / empty is a pattern. You're DOING numb / dull / bored / empty. Usually it's a coping mechanism to stop worries / stress / doubt / fear. Expressing less / feeling less / doing less / taking less risks is a way to feel more safe and comfortable. A way to keep things more simplistic (solitude / self centered). Protecting / coping / conserving rather than sharing / thriving / overflowing.

    Do more bold / daring / expressive / spontaneous things that might not work if you want to feel more alive. You didn't know any better as a child so you did whatever you wanted, but if you can do the same thing despite knowing better (you think you know better, but it's really just limiting assumptions) as an adult then you can have a life that you enjoy way more than your childhood because it's fully intended rather than something you just randomly did for fun without responsibilities.
     
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  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Yes. Being more aware of what you're actually doing and having more intention with what you're doing helps a lot. If you don't have much intention in life, then you will default to sleep walking and just reacting to random things like a leaf in the wind.
     
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  8. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    So you are saying live doing whatever I want now just as I did as a kid ? I’m unsure of what to do to energize me. Also do you attribute your life feeling fun and plentiful to the risks you take and spontaneousness you live ?
     
  9. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn’t necessarily say I lack meaning because I enjoy helping people. I think what I lack is fun, enjoyment, satisfaction in my life.
     
  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you don't know what energizes you, try a lot of different things. Find something you can really contribute towards, immerse yourself in, grow as a person by its challenges, and be a part of its community.

    Mediocrity / emptiness / boredom / depression are basically coping methods to protect yourself from anxiety / stress / worry / doubt / fear. Over time repeating the patterns makes it seem like it's a normal thing. Like it's your default state. To protect yourself from emotional volatility. Traumatic or hurtful past events built up over time and caused you to be this way. This is how it was for me anyways.

    The opposite of depression is expression. Being honest with myself and others. Being honest with what I desire and acting towards those desires. Getting in touch with how I feel more. I searched for what energized me. What made me curious and full of wonder. I trained myself to feel emotions more intensely. Be more human again. Be more child like. Before I tried to hide and silence it all so that I could stay safe.

    So find a way to drop the emotional guards / walls of self preservation that are also walls of self imprisonment. To stop feeling trapped. Smile, laugh, shout, sing, cry, move your body, and feel more. People are afraid of doing that because it's risky. You might get criticized / hurt / fail / you might feel pain and have negative experiences. Basically you can't have the highs without the lows. Most adults tried to get rid of the lows, but in turn also got rid of the highs... so they're left with the comfortable, safe, boring, lame, dull, and mediocrity emptiness.

    Yes. Take risks and be more spontaneous. Do something that might not work. Feel something. Stop holding on to safety. There's really nothing to hold on to and it's never safe. So learn to handle the lows if you want to experience the highs.
     
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  11. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    Adulthood is amazing because it’s apart of LIFE. Childhood is amazing for the same reason. It may sound cliche but life is a journey and nothing in life stays the same forever.

    I had similar feelings like this until I started to understand what life was all about, at least my interpretation. I was addicted to PMO I was depressed, I also longed to go back in time and live my childhood again where all I cared about was playing outside on my bike and running around. But then I realized that my childhood was also the greatest time of life for my parents too.

    The only way you’ll be able to recapture that joy from your childhood is to create a family of your own and experience childhood once more but this time with your son/daughter and from the other side as a parent. When you see your flesh & blood play and laugh and run around it’s like watching what you used to be like as a kid.
     
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  12. Life can have as much or as little meaning as you attach to it.

    Look at people who are passionate about something, they are the ones who are truly alive. You can see it in their eyes, their body language etc. Be it Ronaldo or David Goggins, passion for your goals is everything in life.

    :)
     
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  13. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you this, I needed to hear this. I’m living so comfortably, I just want to have fun and get out there but avoid things I’m unfamiliar with or might be scared of. I think my whole life I’ve been too comfortable and leaned towards the familiar. Admittedly I even tend to avoid watching new movies or tv shows unless I know for sure that I will enjoy it but on the rare occasions that I go in blind I’m usually thankful for having watched it. I think it’s a good analogy to a lesser degree.

    I guess I need to take more risks.
     
  14. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Hard to find out what I’m passionate about or for though.
     
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  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Most of the time it's not really anything other than a person's own need for comfort and certainty that holds them back.

    Usually it's the people who have the audacity to even try things that gets what they want. Simply because they showed up when nobody else would.

    What do you think happens when people see that you don't have the emotional guards that everyone else has? It makes you very attractive and strong. The people who succeed the most are the ones that are okay with the fact that they will inevitably fail sometimes. They don't avoid it which in turn avoids having success. No risks, no failures, but also no success. The people who are most successful with relationships are those that are willing to experience emotional volatility. This is what it means to live and thrive in reality. You have to learn how to handle negative experiences if you want to experience the positive ones. Solitude and escapism erases the possibilities of the negative experiences, but also erases the positive ones as well.
     
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  16. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Would you say that you’ve become more attractive to other, less timid, and more confident in yourself ever since taking on this risky way of living ? It shows ?
     
  17. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Yes. At the very least, I'm more attractive to myself.

    Like I always say... I'm amazing with people that resonate with my honest self expression and terrible with people that don't resonate with who I really am. Being genuine with who I am and what I want is a risk all in itself.

    It's something you have to work on and develop. It takes repeated courage to gain competence and repeated competence to gain confidence with anything in life. Eventually it becomes a part of your life, but of course it's going to be hard and unfamiliar in the beginning. It's delayed gratification. The bigger the obstacles the bigger the rewards. Sacrifice short term emotions for the sake of long term outcomes.
     
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  18. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    You know this is how I feel after I approach a girl. I feel more liek myself than I ever had before after approaching a girl whether she says yes or no. Just imagine if I lived this way, I’d be living such a satisfying life. I wonder what it is other than showing the genuine intent and my self expression. Maybe because it’s an attack at my ego ? I feel like our egos are keeping a lot of us from living how we truly want to. Ironically it keeps us from being more confident because we’re trying to “protect” ourselves.

    You know the people that are confident and do not fear rejection are the most satisfied and happy in life. This has got to be why. I am going to make it a mission to LIVE this.
     
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  19. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It's just the unwillingness to feel negative emotions. People cling so hard to safety, comfort, certainty, what's familiar, easy, instant gratification, etc. The second any sort of emotions pop up, they don't want to deal with it and find a way to numb it. Instead of learning how to deal with it, they neglect and avoid it.

    You should be developing and conditioning yourself to be able to stay with pain, problems, negative experiences, emotional volatility, uncertainty, unideal, awkward, difficult situations longer. Long enough to be able to turn them into higher quality pleasure, solutions, and positive experiences. Sacrifice short term "I want to feel good all the time" emotions for the sake of long term outcomes, but most people always choose the short term over the long term. So they never learn. They never get stronger or better to handle those various situations. They always dabble and tip toe their way to safety.

    Let go of the entitlement to feel comfortable, safe, and good all the time. That mindset leads to escapism and mediocrity.
     
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  20. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate your reaponses. What really resonates with me is when you said “you’re life isn’t boring or dull YOU are boring and dull”. The move risks I’m taking the more I feel myself naturally wanting to get out of usual mundane habits that I’ve been so accustomed to.

    A person is really what they make themselves and external stimuli isn’t what we should be striving for.
     

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