Sounds like my younger sister is soon to be engaged, and I’ve never even had a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by superstorm250, Nov 17, 2021.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

    I’m 28 and my sister is 26, and it sounds like her and her boyfriend might be getting engaged soon. They live together (I still live at home) and my parents went over to their house for dinner, but I didn’t go because I had to work and my parents said that her boyfriend asked if he could take them out to dinner without my sister there, so they suspect he’s going to ask for their blessing. There’s a stark contrast between me and her when it comes to this because this is not her first relationship and she’s moved in with her partner while I’ve always lived at home and have never had a girlfriend, and I’ve only ever been on one date at that was 6 years ago.

    My family never even mentions my love life to me anymore, which is both a blessing and a curse because years ago when I was in high school they used to say things like “I’m sure girls are gonna be going after you” “you should ask a girl from school out and go to the dance with her” but then as I got older, they changed to “even guys uglier than you can get a girlfriend” and “no girls ever look at you?” in addition to having some family members call my sexual orientation into question because I’m not dating any girls and others talking up single life when they previously used to talk up being in a relationship when I was younger. Its like they no longer expect me to ever get a girlfriend and now just assume I’ll be alone forever.

    My biggest issue with my sister getting engaged is this: I’m worried that its gonna put my lack of a love life into the spotlight and that my family is gonna turn all of that attention towards me once she’s married. Do you guys think this will happen and has anyone else on here been through something like this and had this happen to them?
  2. Tell them to worry about their own love lives instead of worrying about yours
  3. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

    I might blow up at them if they bring it up, I honestly started getting angry whenever they would bring it up years ago. That might be another reason why they never bring it up anymore.
  4. I know some people will make a little comment and they're just trying to make conversation or be a little funny or whatever. But others are just a pain in the ass lol.
    Legacy of Lost Soul likes this.
  5. williamwilson

    williamwilson Fapstronaut

    It seems that you are much more concerned about what other people think about your “issue” than your “issue” itself. Try not to live your life by the standards of other people’s opinion. If you see not having a girlfriend as a problem, try and get one for yourself, not because people see it as a must.
  6. im_done

    im_done Fapstronaut

    Your situation is a rising issue in many young men aged between 18 to 30. Male virginity is on the rise in all developed nations, so do not feel bad. It's due to a plethora of issues I won't discuss, but anyway, if it's a hang up, improve your looks if you haven't (assuming your below average) or buy a ticket to Amsterdam ;)
    Reborn16, HitB and silex_jedi like this.
  7. PatrickBasedman

    PatrickBasedman Fapstronaut

    This sounds almost exactly like my situation. Except I'm not as old as you and my sister is not engaged to her boyfriend, but she is on the verge of moving in with him and is pregnant. Meanwhile I've never even kissed a girl lmao.

    I feel like the best advice is try not to base your self worth on relationships with girls and all that stuff. I wont bullshit you and say it doesn't hurt. Cause it does. Hurts me at least! But if you can find other things you are good at to put your time into, at least you wont be dwelling on it so much. As for people who get on at you for it, well I also got angry when my parents kept doing it, so they stopped.
    Reborn16, im_done and HitB like this.
  8. Rafafa

    Rafafa Fapstronaut

    You need to improve yourself if you want a girl.
    Like having a more muscle body, been more financial suscesfull, have an better car.
    And having an good conversation with girls, there a lot of girls in the world, you will find yours.

    In our time girls have much potential partners because the internet, instagran, facebook and others social media make they think that they are much beatiful, so they target the better man (not the good person one, the one that have fame or money, because in the internet era, you canoot see the person by his character).

    And try to find more social place, like gym, churchs, parks, or even conference of anime or games depending your habits.

    Try using tinder our another sort of social dating site.

    But if you dont want a girl to you, its ok, nobody needs this to be happy.
    Abel100% likes this.
  9. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

    Good golly, yes, I've had this happen. But your post is a little ambiguous. Does not having a girlfriend bother you? Or is it simply that others will ask about it?
    If it's the former, how many girls have you approached? Sometimes they are waiting for someone to approach them, just as we wait to be approached by them.
    If it's the latter, I would recommend just changing the subject. They usually get the idea. Usually. If they're being mean about it, do me a favor and tell them where they can go.
    Reborn16 and williamwilson like this.
  10. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

    Girls have a way easier time getting a boyfriend in my opinion. Just look at dating sites, some girls get hundreds, if not thousands of messages. It’s crazy.

    so don’t feel bad about not being in a relationship. Maybe save up some money and get your own apartment if that’s possible where you live?
    Reborn16, HitB and im_done like this.
  11. depeche69

    depeche69 Fapstronaut

    Don't compare men and females at young ages. It is complete different stories.
    A female in young age has their golden times. They can be passive and will be approached by many guys.
    The game is changing at the 30s/40s. Believe me. I am 35 and i recognize the females atmy ages are getting desperate, because no one cares about them.
    They suddenly start to be the active part and to approach and flirt. I have 3 women 40+ in my work and my neighborhood, who try to get in contact with me desperatly.
    You golden time will between 30 - 60.
    If you want women at your younger ages pls consider this:

    HitB and silex_jedi like this.
  12. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    I don't know why you're comparing yourself with your sister when you should just look toward yourself and ascertain whether you're happy and if not, why. Your sister is 26 yo herself, do you expect her to just prolong further still not being in relationship and marriage, and yes, enjoying all the festivity and attention that will come to her a she passes through traditional milestones of society? If you're envious, you need to examine yourself further here. It's not about you sister for an instance. Obviously, there are things in your own life and chosen lifestyle that make you happy and secure; else, you wouldn't persist there. If nothing in your own life makes you happy, then you need to examine this and even determine what is holding you back. But, the impetus around any self-examination should be solely about you and no one else, especially when others, like your sister, are acting normally and as expected even. You should be glad for your sister. Do you want her to really miss out on these events in her life? Whatever you decide to do in your own life or settle down with, you need to put your own spotlight on it as what you want to do and the way you want to live. Spotlights from other people are inconsequential - they can turn their own spotlights back onto themselves and their own misgivings or bad habits in life.
    Abel100%, koolpal and 88991s like this.
  13. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

    Absolutely love this :emoji_laughing:
  14. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

    Yeah man. I get a little bit of this. I mean I have no siblings, but I live with my parents at 31 and am single.

    I'll hear similar comments, and I try not to get mad, I usually just point out I've prioritised getting my health and career in order first (which I have).

    I wonder if you're in a position to move out and rent? Even if you have to compromise with a tiny apartment or share house, this can be lifechanging for your confidence. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you do want to date soon?

    Having a job is one of the key predictors of happiness in men, you've got that. The independence and self-actualization that comes from living by yourself builds another layer of confidence. You know you've got your own responsibilities and domain.

    And of course, it is now possible to bring a girl home and have an intimate time, instead of sneaking around in your car, renting a hotel, or opting to go to hers.

    I agree with others you don't have to invest too much in what others think. If you start dating even now while at home, you don't have to say anything. This keeps the pressure out of it.

    Tinder is worse than ever, you have to pay and still miss out on matches, but it can work YMMV. Day time approaching works with a bit of practice. Yoga and dance classes are much more organic and easy going ways to meet women who are approachable.

    Don't worry. It is super common like mentioned for our time to be a single guy at home. If you're working or studying, and not spending every spare minute on video games and porn, you're putting yourself way above much of the competition!

    You don't have to be the next giga chad gym rat. Just work towards living rather than existing. Do what you want. And walk up to a woman that you think is cute instead of walking past her.

    Some reading you may like:
    No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert Glover
    Models - Mark Manson
    The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson
    Oliver Gunter, HitB and 88991s like this.
  15. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

    Bro, I'm 28 just like you, I never ever ever known what it's like to love someone or have a girlfriend...

    My whole life was a Solo Fight, you can make it with someone on your side.

    You still have your parents, thank God for That! I have none of them anymore.
  16. MarioCorrelos

    MarioCorrelos Fapstronaut

    Well, I can relate to your family situation. For so many years my uncles were all about asking me about my sentimental and sexual life, and I only could swallow it and smile, joke along and hope not to blow up at them. And at all those moments I was having such an awful time precisely because of this. Just try and work on yourself, accept you are alone right now, actually embrace that situation, and it'll just get better in your own mind. At that point, you won't care about what other have to say.
  17. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

    Dont live at your parrents when u are a 28yo mofo! Wtf?

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