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Spouse Support

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Ambrosia, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. Ambrosia

    Ambrosia New Fapstronaut

    The love of my life & I have been really struggling this past year. We're due to be married in Novemeber. Nearly a year ago when we decided to move in together, while I was helping him pack I discovered an paramount amount of porn and a pocket pussy. He reassured me it wasn't needed, especially since we'd taken the next step and decided to devote our lives to each other, he allowed me to throw it away. It's been discovered this past year since living together that he has a severe porn and graphic image addiction. When I first discovered it on his phone I was shocked and instantly felt insecure. The man who asked me to spend my life with him was relieving himself to other women. Women who I have no similarities to. After talking, he stated he was sorry it hurt me and he'd never so it again. Two months later, it occurred again, only to discover he'd been masturbating at work and when he was home alone. I felt betrayed. Hurt. We have a glorious sex life. We make love everyday. It's erotic and kinky. Toys. Positions. Pictures. Videos. Anal. Everything he wants, he gets. Yet, he still finds it necessary to wonder to different sites and please himself. After catching him lying, hiding the material, and discovering he's pleasing himself at least four times this year, I threatened to leave him. I told him I felt Hurt. Unwanted. Unloved. Insecure. Betrayed. He got on his hands and knees, crying his heart out, begging me to stay and that he'd never do it again. That the pain it causes me, takes the pleasure out of the action. Yet, here we are again, for what seems to be the millionth time. Begging for forgiveness. He claims he doesn't understand the addiction. That he doesn't want to give into his desires. That hurting me tears him apart...but he can't stop. The threat of losing myself and his son doesn't phase him. Or cross his mind while he intentionally looks for graphic images. I feel irrational for my feelings. I'm grateful that he isn't cheating on me. But I feel awful about myself knowing that he desires other women, to a point that he feels the need to relieve himself at WORK. My body is his whenever he wants it, in any fashion that he wants it. Yet, he doesn't utilize it. He fantasizes over women he can never have, when the one that loves him is at his finger tips. I took off my ring and told him I refuse to start a marriage based on lies and broken trust. My heart is aching, my insecerties have never been so high and I'm feeling completely unwanted and neglected. He's joined the site as well, as a step towards recovery. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    There is a relationship section and a significant other section...
    Also, welcome to NoFap!!
  3. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

    As someone who has been in a not disimilar situation to your partner, I can relate to his feelings. While acting out consequences don't come into it. Perhaps there are some support groups near where you live SLAA / SA /SAA or COSA / Al-anon for yourself. Lock down his computers - my wife has mine locked down.

    Make sure that you value yourself. Ive agreed with my other half to abstain from sex for a month as a way of demonstrating commitment.

    Just some thoughts.
    Deleted Account and Kenzi like this.
  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Your story sounds like everything all of us go through in the beginning.
    I'll link you to some threads I think you should read.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. JustBreathe

    JustBreathe Fapstronaut

    Message the moderator if you would like to be added to the significant other group. It is JUST for women like you and I; You are not alone.
    EyesWideOpen and Dr_prof like this.
  6. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Deleted Account and Hopefulgirl like this.
  7. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

  8. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

    So many of us have been there. I have been with my partner 18 years. Had I known the depth of his issues when we were engaged, I would have walked away. It just isn't worth the heartache.
  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    And my SO Lists are now in @AnonymousAnnaXOXO resources or vice-versa. :) all the resources are together for everyone!
    Deleted Account likes this.

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