Squeaky Soul has done it again...

Squeaky. First of all, congratulations on reaching 8 months. It's an accomplishment many of us dream of achieving.

I have a little insight that might help you. You have a problem of regarding NoFap as a journey with an end. But in reality, NoFap has no end. As long as there is testosterone in you, as long as you have desire for sex, you will always have to be conscious about where to spend your sexual energy. This is how our minds are programmed, and the "easy way out" is always going to be there, waiting for your mind to slip.

I suggest that you stick with the challenge for a little while, hang around in the forum, post on the journal and support others, until you get back on your feet again. And when you feel you're ready, ditch the tracker, but keep yourself a little active on the forum. And Ultimately, you can may choose to leave the forum. But never forget about NoFap, think of it as the single virtue that got you where you are. Would you drop a virtue (Ex. Honesty) after being honest for 90 days? Of course not. NoFap is no different.

 

Squeaky Soul, I remember talking to you when I joined back in February 2014. And I've noticed some similarities in our journeys (albeit yours being much more impressive). I've done a 90 day hard mode streak before relapsing and I've done a 120 day streak before fully relapsing. I've also had two 30+ day streaks ruined. We both have broken long streaks.

I feel I've come to a major internal realization prior to starting this current streak I am on. You mentioned something about not knowing why you quit porn in the first place. I was questioning myself every time I got past 30 days of my streak. The reason is when I relapse, I don't feel guilty. Porn has no negative effect on me when I watch it once. Let me repeat that: porn has no negative effect on me when I watch it once.

However, I've never been able to (and I've tried) to watch porn moderately (aiming for once a week). It has NEVER WORKED. I always succumb to my once a day routine before deciding to kick the addiction again.

The reason I always get up again after a few weeks of a binge-ing relapse is because after weeks of porn, I notice all the negative effects. I feel negative. I'm lazy. I don't need to go through the list because I know you know what I'm talking about. You've even mentioned it yourself on this post.

The key realization (for me) is that I know I will always go back to watching porn once a day if I reset. And when I watch porn once a day, I don't want it. So when fighting an urge, think of what will inevitably happen in a few weeks. For me, that's given me the strength to fight urges.

That's my two cents - that's what I've written in my signature because it's important for me. Whatever you do, I strongly recommend you keep logging onto NoFap.com even if you continue to relapse. Do not revert to your old ways! I believe in you.

 

I couldn't agree with fapshooter more. When we start to get comfortable and let our guard down, shit falls apart. Most of the people I've discussed long term recovery with list three key things to their maintenance: keeping their guard up, avoiding triggers, and helping others with their recovery. Relapse is a part of the healing process as long as you learn from it and take something away that will move you closer to long term recovery. We've all been there countless times and it's a sad/dark place. But it can also kickstart you. Use it as fuel to motivate your next streak.

Everything I'm doing now, is the same as when I started this journey. And I don't plan on ever changing it. For me, it has helped to have two game plans. Game plan A: Avoid triggers (which included a lot of my favorite movies/shows), exercise regularly (this one is tough and it's wavered some in all honesty), keep my head out of the sand (read porn free articles/books, listen to porn free podcasts, etc), discuss my emotions with my AP, not take on extra work that I don't feel is necessary, get adequate rest, and continue to help others with their journey. I have game plan B for when I'm exposed to a trigger and feeling weak: state out loud, "That's just not me anymore...I don't need this again" (which helps remind me of the negative side effects that will come with this), remove myself from the situation immediately (no matter what) - go for a walk, shut down the computer, call a family member/friend/AP, and find a way to avoid exposing myself to the trigger again. These two game plans will be with me for life...I don't plan on changing them as they have gotten me to just shy of one year. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Keep fighting brother

 

This is a fantastic post. I'm copying and pasting it into my collection of motivational pieces to refer to when in need.