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Stamina: The lies that porn tells men

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by GG2002, Aug 1, 2017.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Agree on the anal among other behaviors in porn. Also that women all want monster penises. Again with the exception of a few women unless we can't feel it it's the perfect size for us. We really don't spend even a quarter of the time thinking about size as men do. Men in porn are hired for their size. Most real men don't look like that but since most men have not had sex with other men they have no clue and think they are too small!
     
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  2. I don't always want a 10 minute session either though. Some of my best experiences so far with this journey is when O is not the goal. We typically do last longer but we are really connecting more instead of racing to the finish line. So honestly 30 - 45 min is okay if we are being sensual & actually "making love". I love that type of connection w my SO and could do that for a longtime. It's the pounding that doesn't feel good for long periods of time. Personally I have to be relaxed to a certain point for that to feel good at all and then still only working for that 5 or 10 mins mentioned above.
     
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    Very good post @GG2002 it's so true that women, for the most part, don't want nor have the time for hour long sessions. I had an ex who told me he was a porn addict, and I said don't use porn while with me. I still to this day don't know what he did, I assume he must have used, but he couldn't cum before an hour, sometimes 1.5 and I was exhausted and bored, and he also didn't know how to pleasure me, so it was all about him. I felt horrible because I thought I wasn't good enough or pleasurable enough for him.

    My husband, while he was using, either couldn't stay hard sometimes or came quite early. Now that he hasn't used in over a year he can stay hard and we can have foreplay and sex in a normal time, which is nice. Sometimes we both don't have the energy so it's quick, other times we will be slow to make the connection last, but never an hour. After 30 minutes I am like done. For me, it's not about how long the guy can last it's really about the two of us being there with each other pleasuring each other and connecting.

    It's true that porn sells lies to both women and men. Men think they need huge dicks that stay hard for hours, and women think they need to be super sexy all the time and please the man. It's so sad!
     
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  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Of course every woman is different. I think the key for men is not to assume women want it and also for women to say hey I don't like when you last an hour. Problem being at that point most men have trained themselves with pmo to last an hour they don't have a choice. The studies show that women tend to prefer longer foreplay as opposed to penetration. And you don't have to have stamina for that.
     
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  5. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    I agree that foreplay is better when it's longer. When I met my husband he didn't know what or how foreplay was done. Sex started after making out, which usually wasn't the best. Now foreplay happens 95% of the time, and probably lasts longer than sex, but because of the foreplay we are both so worked up that sex feels so much better and we feel more connected.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think everyone is different but there is a common misconception that women want men to last that long and men who can't are not manly as they don't measure up to those standards. Lots of men think they have PE but really don't compared to the stats.
     
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  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I had no idea that my partners DE was caused by PMO or death grip either. I just knew as a 37 year old woman that what was happening was not normal and no other partners had experienced it before. My partner had no clue either. So glad I found this group!
     
  8. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    It's not PE.... PE is like two-pump-chump (pardon the slang)
    And I have had partners who were average to last less (most of them), my current SO it's just his average to last this.
    Maybe after so long being together it's just comfortable to be "in session" that long, because that's what is normal for us.
    I'm glad I read this.
    Not like we are getting divorced or anything...
    But it's still good information to have.
    Thank you for posting.
     
  9. I´ve suffered from DE quite a long time. Even now sometimes during sex when she´s had her 1-2 O´s, the only thing I can think about is cumming quick, because otherwise she will get sore and wants to stop. Then we are both frustrated. It´s also not enjoyable for me, because it gets exhausting after some time.
    I truly can´t understand all those guys saying "I fucked that girl for two hours straight!". But now when someone tells me something like this, alarm bells go off in my head saying "PORN ADDICT!".

    And I don´t think it´s just because of deathgrip. One strong correlation I´ve seen in my reboot is that after I relapsed, I find my SO less attractive and I´m generally less satisfied with my sexlife.
     
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  10. I seem to be one of the few P addicts that didn't do the death grip thing. However I still developed DE.
     
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  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    So did my SO
     
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  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Right two pump chumps are what I think of as PE. Right now I'm singing Missy Elliots minute man in my head!
     
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  13. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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    question here on definition of "foreplay", because I think this might be an area where men and women define things differently and communication can get skewed.
    I believe that most men (obviously this is me projecting) view foreplay as anything overtly sexual, up to but not including PIV. e.g. include manual stim, oral and toys. Making out, cuddling, and other non-sex organ involved activities would not be foreplay.

    Any thoughts? As a guy I would love to know what women define as foreplay.
     
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  14. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    For me foreplay meant more than just making out. Making out is like step one, but if the guy tries to get in me right after starting making out I'm not ready yet (aka not wet enough so it hurts). Foreplay would include making out, playing with each other down there, fingering, HJ, going down on each other, etc.
     
  15. I consider "foreplay" anything arousing. Massaging, kissing, teasing, biting, sucking, tugging, rubbing, toys, HJ, oral...yup anything arousing pretty much. There are times my husband gets lazy and just rubs my shoulders, or something non sexual, thinking that's going to do the job and I think in my head "oh yes Rub that shoulder..you rub it so good..oh that's so hot..you like that shoulder don't you"...haha
     
  16. That gave me a good laugh but you're right, it's not rocket science. Foreplay is pretty much anything that's sexual in nature that isn't intercourse.
     
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  17. There might be men (especially on this forum) who disagree with you on that xD
     
  18. Aw, I've done that a couple times as a way to suggest sex. Felt all proud of myself when it worked, like I was Mr Sensual.
     
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  19. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you and I think it's a valid question. When you watch a lot of porn it may fill your mind with different ideas like the one that women are always ready to go. I think the response is slightly different for each woman but I consider passionately kissing, touching in sexy places, and oral foreplay. I don't consider cuddling or shoulder rubbing foreplay, but some women may. The best advice is foreplay is warming her up. Many men are ready to go the second you touch them anywhere their hand could count. Women need time to get there. You will learn what gets her there.
     
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  20. Lol...well a really good massage would do it...but he will literally put no effort into it...like using two fingers or something. And I give in just bc I won't turn down getting some :rolleyes: I'm totally the male when it comes to sex in our marriage.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2017
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