Start of a beautiful relationship, trying to find balance

I actually had been a very active member in 2018 trying to cure my DE, I did that successfully.

There was a lot of sexual history in the past 3 years post nofap and in October I met my now fiance. She is the most beautiful loving and understanding woman I have ever seen.

We recently started having sex, 1-2 months ago.
I was able to abstain from masturbation till almost 2 months straight in our relationship. Then after becoming sexually active I have really been going at it once a time daily. Flashbacks of our sessions and my desire for her physical body has sexualized her a lot in my mind. I feel that sex has become the prime objective in my mind which happened in my previous relationship as well, and got ruined too.

So my goal is just to not masturbate when I am not with her, and have a healthy sex life and a balanced relationship.


Day zero, let's see how this goes..

 

I have a bad case of retroactive jealousy actually. Trying to cope with it atm

 

I actually had a pretty rough day as I didn't sleep properly.

I think in relationships things are basically transactional despite love, I have found out that if one is in a certain way in a relationship opposing the perception of the other this could simply change the dynamics of the relationship. There is no set of unconditionality, only conformities to each other which may sound sad but it is true for the relationship to truly work..

 

Day 5

I have been able to be on nofap quite easily no urges, all good.

I have also tried to balance things out in terms of work, health, relationship etc pretty well I feel, there is always room for improvement..

I have found that my sexual desire is not exactly a physical need cuz honestly I could go on nofap for 2 -3 months easily, effortlessly..

I feel I have attached myself to the idea of sex too much actually, coupled with retroactive jealousy for my partner's past I keep tormenting myself with it..

I know better but I do not act accordingly..

I would like to cross that 90 days mark with nofap now..

 

Day 6

They say you experience a surge of 45% in testosterone after day 5 of abstinence.

Feeling okay today..

Looking forward to the gym..

I have found out this that once I am tired physically my emotions become full of sorrow and I get depressing thoughts, I have known this for years but still not able to come up with a solution.

My sleep cycle has also been hit since November..