Started NoFap today because of Loneliness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Crowga88, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. Crowga88

    Crowga88 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. Sorry for the length but I really need help. I just turned 31. I used to be a musician, have a lot of close friends, and get a lot of girls... but long story short I had a really painful relationship with my father, and when he died 6 years ago I went off the deep end and became a hardcore alcoholic.

    For the past 6 years I've been numbing myself with porn, food, and booze. I've been fapping at least 4 times a day. I pushed away or lost (deservedly so) all my friends including the best friend I'll ever have had.

    I went from being a "good looking" 24 year old with a lot going to a near 300 pound loser sleeping on his moms floor.

    So, today is my dads birthday and I just realized I have to turn my life around instead of wasting the life he gave me... I realized I have love to give and things to share...But I truly fear I've lost everything I once had and it's too late at 31 to build anything meaningful in life. I dont want to die alone and homeless. I'm feeling a weird mix of determined and hopeless.

    Any advice would be appreciated.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2020
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  2. whiteflag70

    whiteflag70 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Crowga88. Im 49, and my story almost mirrors yours. For past 10 years i numb/distract myself with weed, porn and alcohol cause i didnt know how to process some emotions that was eating me up inside. I have destroyed my financial standing, long friendships and my marriage to a wonderful woman. Now i have to start again, if i can get past this porn addiction and live long enough.

    I have given up weed and alcohol in the last year and seen a councellor for the initial emotional issues but porn has been my go to drug in the last 3-4 to deal with the aftermath damage ive done and dealing with guilt/shame/anger/loneliness/regret etc I want to stop but have relapsed many times and today when withdrawal hit, i decided to join this forum to write a journal instead of jacking off.

    I am a fuck-up and don't really want to sound like an old foggy who knows it all but i believe that if you live long enough, more often than not a person will make those mistakes in life that will really fuck his life up. I honestly believe that early 30s is the best time to realise them because you have enough maturity to understand the consquence as well as the energy and time to still create new things and connections. Around 30s is good time to decide the course of the rest of your life. Really man. of course, a 70yo will tell me the same thing but economic options at 30yo is still better than at 50yo and maybe at my age it's late to start a family. (I dont want to be burdened with kids when im in my late 60s.) So, hopefully you haven't sunk into a pattern of cynical middle age like i have (altough my cynicsm could be because i am dead 'inside' at the moment, withdrawals and all).

    I was fairly successful at 30s and had my fair share of girls (short term) and my emo issues and addictions didnt hit me until late i hit late mid30s and 40s. I finally discovered 17 years later than you that I have love to give and things to share. It pains me to realise so late in life, the full extent of my ignorance after so much hurt i caused (i destroyed my 13 year relationship. now after 4.5 years, everyday, i still think of her).

    So you could be doing great now and fuck everything up when you're in your late 40s, like me, cause you didnt realise the destructive potential of a self-sabatoging tendencies. The fact that youre here means you looking to step up and i sincerely believe early 30s is a great time to be self-aware, which you seem to be. I hope you deal with the emo stuff that caused you to turn to numbing agents, that you can put away those numbing agents that ultimately made you feel worse, and develop the life and personality that you want.

    Like you, I'm feeling a weird mix of determined and hopeless. I hope that as days go by, we will feel more determined than hopeless.
     
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  3. StonePlacidity

    StonePlacidity Fapstronaut

    wow really touching stories! You will succeed!
     
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  4. Crowga88

    Crowga88 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the kind words brother. I appreciate the support and it's nice to know someone understands. You aren't alone either brother and I know you can get out of the hell you're in. Humans are capable of amazing things. I'm here if you ever want to pm me man.
     
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  5. ichigobankai

    ichigobankai Fapstronaut

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    First you need to make sure you accept your father's death.Accept that he is in a better place and be grateful to him for giving you a wonderful life to experience on this planet.Because of him you experienced the joy of being alive.In a way,he is still very much alive inside you.Go out and pluck a flower and smell it.The fragrance you will be smelling today won't be there tomorrow.The flower will rot slowly.But that's what makes it precious.Similarly without death,life wont be so precious.

    My college mate passed away recently.He was 21.Was a bright student,very popular in the college.Still without any reason he just went one day.His heart refused to beat.So donot think it's over just because you are 30 or 40 or 50.It will be over one day.So just enjoy the present moment.Go for a walk,meditate,accept yourself.Dont think you wasted the last 6 years.Think you survived and lived through .

    Cheers!!
     
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  6. Crowga88

    Crowga88 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot man. I really appreciate the kind words and sound advice. God bless.
     
  7. longliveclean

    longliveclean New Fapstronaut

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    made an account to respond to you. at 31, you're still young, man. 31 is just getting out of your youths. you are not old at 31. IT IS NOT TOO LATE @ 31. all things considered, it's rlly good that you thought about all that has happened and came to self-realization after just entering your 30s. you've still got your whole life ahead of you. hell, man you're barely middle-age! you're only ENTERING middle ages. frfr, it's not too late. you've got your whole life ahead of you. your 30s. 40s. 50s. make small incremental changes. move up from there. exercise and eat healthy! to put underneath one big umbrella erm, SELF CARE!!
     
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  8. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    Well good for you just some things you should note:
    It takes at least 2-3 weeks before you notice a change in your moods
    It takes at least 4 weeks before you notice a surge of motivation
    It takes at least 8 weeks before you stop thinking about sex or masturbation.

    After about 6 weeks your mind will accelerate, you'll be more focused, less prone to temptation, eating junk and procrastination. You'll start to convert your sexual energy into creativity, you'll be inspired and passionate and talkative. It'll be like your on Prozac only without the side effects and the 'unnatural' high.

    After about the 3rd week (depending on your hormones) you'll be tempted the most to fap NOT because you're feeling crap but because of the opposite. You'll feel real good and tell yourself 'it wont hurt'. Just remind yourself of the reason 'why' you're feeling good and how that all can end. When you fap after 3 weeks, the urge will be far greater the next 2 or 3 days, more than it ever was...and then the cycle begins again. That's the danger zone. Know your mind, be true, dont trick yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2020
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  9. Crowga88

    Crowga88 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a ton man. I'll think on what you said.
     

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